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    FFFFF  I   L       K    K   fffff  i   l       eeeee
    F      I   L       K  K     f      i   l       e    
    FFFF   I   L       KK       ffff   i   l       eeee 
    F      I   L       K  K     f      i   l       e    
    F      I   LLLLLL  K    K   f      i   llllll  eeeee     

—————————————————————- The fourth compilation of filksongs collected from the FILK Echo and provided for download via the auspices of Kay Shapero, moder- ator of same. Publication date, August 1990. All copyrights belong to the writers.

FILKfile appears at irregular intervals of a month or more, depending on how many songs appear on the echo.

The following is not a song per se, but could be useful in these files if it catches on…]

system for posting music in vanilla ASCII.

# = sharp % = flat underlined Capitals = whole notes (for example, C = whole C)

Capitals followed by . = 3/4 notes (ex, C. = 3/4 C) Capitals = half notes (ex, C = half C) small letters followed by . = dotted quarter notes (ex, c.= dotted c) small letters = quarter notes (ex, c = quarter C) underlined small letters = eighth notes (underlined twice = sixteenth notes and so on.) (ex c = eighth high C, c = sixteenth

  1. =

high C and so on.)

Rests done as per notes, except the letter used is "R".

++ = C above high C and above + = high C through C above high C no prefix = middle C to below high C - = below middle C (at least I believe middle C is the one with the line through it, high C is the one in the next octave up, and C above high C is the one the next octave up from there. If I've gotten this wrong, sorry about that!) T = treble B = bass A series followed by : is the beginning of the staff. ! = end of measure _ above notes = notes tied together. = = notes tied across the end of a measure (the ! is left out in this case for clarity but should be assumed). i.e. c=c is actual- ly a half C extending from one measure to the next. A H'REL ON BOARD words by Dr Pepper (Tune: A Policeman's Lot) When the silly stupid human's busy sleeping, busy sleeping Dreaming ape dreams, not expecting any harm, any harm It's a cinch into the cabin to come creeping, to come creeping And up the volume on the clock alarm When the stern no nonsense korli reads the orders, reads the orders They'll be followed though they're bogus ever one, every one A bjora's shorts can hold a lot of boarders, lot of boarders A h'rel on board can be a lot of fun Words copyright Dr Pepper, July 1990 AIN'T GONNA DO NO SAD SONGS Words by Rob Levin Ain't gonna do no sad songs anymore, Ain't gonna do no sad songs anymore; I may not know much more Than what happiness is for, But I ain't gonna do no sad songs anymore. Ain't gonna sing no lonely times no more, Ain't gonna sing no lonely times no more; I'll keep an open door For that one I'm waiting for And I ain't gonna sing no lonely times no more. Ain't gonna find no corner anymore, Ain't gonna find no corner anymore; You can see much more From the middle of the floor So I ain't gonna find no corner anymore. Ain't gonna do no run-and-hide no more, Ain't gonna do no run-and-hide no more; This is where I land, And this is where I stand. Ain't gonna do no run-and-hide no more. Ain't gonna do no hard time anymore, Ain't gonna do no hard time anymore; Took my own parole, Now I'm free for other roles. Ain't gonna do no hard time anymore. Words copyright 1990 by Rob Levin CHAINMAIL MOMMA -Blind Lemon Hrothgar (standard blues format) Gets up every morning, puts her armor on (3X) You know you better not mess with her, or you'll be dead and gone! She's my chainmail momma, and I'm her shield-munchin' man With axe, sword or spear, she'll kill you any way she can! Some women slither, and wiggle their shifty shanks But when my baby walks with me, you know she rings and clanks! She's my chainmail momma, dressed head to foot in steel She's my chainmail momma, and she knows a dozen ways to kill! She loves me day and night, she never lets me get no rest; I've got that chainmail waffle-weave imprinted on my chest! She's my chainmail momma, loves me anytime she can, She's my chainmail momma, and I'm her shield-munchin' man! (I assume this is copyright, but I don't know by whom.) DEFENESTRATION Words and music by Tom Digby G If something has you down, D7 Makes you worry, fret and frown, G And causes lots of pain and irritation; You'll be rid of it right quick D7 If you know this simple trick: G Just use DEFENESTRATION. If a friend's electric shaver Ruins your radio's behavior With static so you cannot hear the station, Just tell him that you're feared He will have to grow a beard, And use DEFENESTRATION. If the TV-watching crowd Keeps the volume way up loud And blaring without pause or hesitation; Just tell them, "That is all," Pull the plug out of the wall, And use DEFENESTRATION. If your in-laws all drop in Time and time again For a month or two or three of visitation, They will bother you no more If you're on an upper floor When you use DEFENESTRATION. words and music copyright Tom Digby 1965 (or around then - I got this from the Filksong Manual, pub 1978, and it didn't give copyright dates, just previous publications of the FM.) Treble, C, F#: d!ggggddd!aaaad. —- – —- Treble, F#: d!aaaaaaga!bg.r - ——– - Treble, F#: dd!ggggddd!aaaad – —- – —- _ __ Treble, F#: d!+D+d+cba!bgG!

  1. — -

And another verse by Charlie Luce

If the party's getting grim With that One-True-Way GM Who is shafting you in every situation There is one thing you should know You've got one last Saving Throw Just Use Defenestration!

Words copyright Charlie Luce, 1975 or thereabouts

This one is going to take some explaining. Over in SF-LIT, we had a person post a message that basically said if you were going to write a book that had adults in it (or anyone over the age of 7 or 8), and these adults were of the opposite sex, you HAD to put in explicit sex scenes. (Note the word *explicit*.) Replies were swift and fairly predictable. On their next post, the person carried on quite a bit saying that sex was THE prime motivator in anyone's life; it influenced every action that was taken. The poster also said that anyone that refused to admit this or to accept it, might as well be a dried up old eunuch. SF-LIT being what it is, we promptly formed a Dried Up Old Eu- nuch's club (DUOE). We have a graphic for when we are posting in the mode, :* (for pursed up mouth), a symbol (a prune), a motto (just say no) and now, I hope, an anthem.

DUOE ANTHEM Words by Bettie Dendekker (Tune: Do Wah Diddy)

Here we are just as happy as can be, Singing do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do. Oh, we're the membership of D. U. O. E., Singing do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do. We don't care (we don't care) If we're caressed (if we're caressed) We don't care if we're caressed because with sex we're not ob- sessed.

We don't fool around and we're very proud of that, Singing do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do. Our self control is a feather in our cap, Singing do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do. We don't neck (we don't neck), We don't pet (we don't pet), We don't neck, we don't pet, a goodnight handshake's all you'll get.

Whoa oh oh oh, you might think that we are straight laced. It's not true, we just think everything has it's place.

Well, we don't think that our sex lives should be aired, Singing do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do. What goes on between folks just never should be shared, Singing do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do. We won't kiss (we won't kiss) And then tell (and then tell) We won't kiss and then tell (though we do it *very* well). Singing do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do, We're singing) do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do.

Words copyright Bette Dendekker, 1990

DUOE dah, DUOE dah! Words by Elise (Tune: Camptown Races)

Dried up eunuchs don't obsess (Do we? Do we?) O'er sex, and things that make a mess

(Do we? Do we? Nah!)

Dried up eunuchs don't complain (Do we? Do we?) that we no satisfaction gain (Do we? Do we? Nah!)

Eunuchs have no time to waste (Do we? Do we?) We keep in shape by being c/h/a/s/e/d chaste (Do we? Do we? Yah!)

Words copyright Elise, 1990

FILK DE TUNE words by Charlie Kellner (tune: "Kiss de Girl", from _The Little Mermaid_)

There you hear it Playing on the radio What it is you just don't know But there's something about it And you don't know why

 but you're dying to try

You want to filk de tune

Yes, you want to Listen now, you know you do Feeling there is just for you Just reach out and take it You just change a word

 just a single word

And you can filk de tune

Sha la la la la la Don't be shy You know you got to try Come on and filk de tune

Sha la la la la la Keep in time And make de words all rhyme Dat's how you filk de tune

Now's your moment It's an old familiar tune You know all the words – you do Right down to de letter But it don't make you laugh

 and it won't make you laugh

Until you filk de tune

Sha la la la la la Don't be scared You got the rhythm there Go on and filk de tune

Sha la la la la la Don't stop now Don't try to fight it – how You want to filk de tune

Sha la la la la la What you said

It's runnin' through your head Go on and filk de tune

Sha la la la la la What you heard Now you got de words You got to filk de tune

Filk de tune… Filk de tune… Filk de tune… <fade out slowly> Go on and filk de tune…

Words copyright Charlie Kellner, 11 July 1990

HAIKU by Charlie Kellner

I live life balanced

On a razor's edge -- the pain
          That keeps me going

copyright Charlie Kellner, 7/90

The following was written by Pat Miller, a local Navy wife, and is currently being played on WCZL (Cool 105.3) one of our local "oldies" stations. It was recorded by the staff members and disc jockeys. I had to request the words because they are laughing so hard during the recording, you can't make most of 'em out!

HIT THE ROAD, IRAQ! Words by Pat Miller (Tune:the old Ray Charles hit, "Hit the Road, Jack")


Hit the road, Iraq, and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more. Hit the road, Iraq, or there's going to be a war.

Hussein, hey, Hussein what does this mean? Have you gone too far with your war machine? You've used poison gas on your own men. Now you're causin' trouble all over again.


Oh Saddam, oh Saddam, what's the scoop? Are you crazy like a fox or another fruit loop? Get out of Kuwait, leave the Saudis alone. The world's against you, take your army on home!


You thought we'd sit by and let you have your way. You didn't count on the U. S. A.! Our advice to you, revise your plan, Get out of Kuwait as fast as you can.


Do you get the message, can you read our lips? You can't beat our sanctions, troops or ships.

You can push us so far, then we'll start pushing back! We can always make a parking lot out of Iraq!

Chorus (fade out)

It is, of course, dedicated to all the Hampton Roads military forces that have been deployed to Iraq. Our prayers are with them.

Words copyright Pat Miller

HOLLOW HILLS words and music by Kay Shapero chording by Barry Gold

Am They are tall and very fragile,

       Dm              E7

yet they seem to live forever

       Am                               Dm            E7

and they come out of the places where our people do not dare


They bring music out of nowhere

    Dm             E7  

and a light into the shadow

          Am           E7               Am

for there's magic in the places that they fare.

E7 Dm They bring gifts to those they favor


and bring death to the unwary

     Dm                            E7

or, capriciously they steal away our kind.

Am Fearsome hunters, joyous singers

      Dm              E7

folk of terror, folk of wonder

     Am            E7            Am    

form a puzzle with a key we cannot find.

Dm Am Dm E7 Am Who are these dwellers in the hollow hills?

Am We are but your distant cousins

         Dm              E7

though our ways were split asunder

       Am                                E7

when you sought the forest and we took the plain.

Call us lludi*, call us humans or a thousand other words that mean the creature with the ever-searching brain.

Past our needs of pure survival lies a never ending hunger all the secrets of the universe to know.

And from you, our gentle neighbors do we seek an understanding of the path we left behind so long ago.

We are the dwellers in the hollow hills.

Words and music copyright Kay Shapero, 1989

*Russian for "people". The most musical sounding name for humanity that I happened to be familiar with.

Music for the above: The first line has two different versions,depending on whether it's the first or second verse:

first line for first verse: Treble,4/4,G#: a+c+e+f!+e+d+e+c!a+c+d+e!+d+c+db!gb+c+d!+cb+c+d!+cbab!agE!R!

for second verse Treble,4/4,G#: a+c+e+f!+e+d+e+c!a+c+d+e!+d+c+db!gb+c+d!+cbab!agE!R!

rest of song, both verses Treble, G#:a+c+e+f!+e+d+e+c!a+c+d+e!+d+c+d+b!gb+c+d!+cbag!#fgA!R!

Treble, G#:bb+f+g!+f+e+f+d!b+d+e+f!+e+d+e+c!a+c+d+e!+db+cb!a+cB!R!

Treble, G#: a+c+e+f!+e+d+e+c!a+c+d+e!+d+c+db!gb+c+d!+cbag!#fb+C!R!

Treble, G#: +g+f+d+e!+ca+c+d=+dBc=+C!!

JESSE HELMS Words by Lee Gold (Tune: "Casey Jones")

CHORUS: Jesse Helms - the jerk from Winston-Salem

        Where they grow tobacco, and they really make it pay.
       Jesse Helms is against the Women's Libbers
       And the gays and the Wiccans and the NEA.

Now Jesse is a Senator in Washington, Got lots of committees that he helps to run. As long as tobacco subsidies hold firm, He'll get re-elected every term.


Now if you really want to see old Jesse go, Write your Congresscritter, don't be slow. Say that you want tobacco subsidies cut; That's the best way to put out Jesse's butt.


*Words copyright Lee Gold, 1990

(another verse, by Dr Pepper) Jesse says subsidies are wrong Taxes mustn't pay for a statue or song And welfare's just a free ride for bunch of lazy bums

But none of this applies to his tobacco chums

Words copyright Dr Pepper, 1990

LIMERICK by Charlie Kellner

There once was a girl with a torso Like Jessica Rabbit's but more so Her only complaint Was because Ink and Paint Gave each of her tits its own floor show

Copyright Charlie Kellner, 1990

MENTION MY NAME IN……… Words by Ioseph of Locksley

Mention my name in West Kingdom It's the greatest little Kingdom in the world I know a girl there you'll simply adore! She was Miss Crown-Craver back in AS 4! (So) Mention my name in West Kingdom And if you ever get in a mess Mention my name, (I said) Mention my name, But don't you mention my address!

Mention my name to the Dark Horde They're the greatest bunch of Mongols in the world I know the big shots inside the yurt walls We sing "Tomorrow" in their revel halls! (So) Mention my name to the Dark Horde Ardjukk and Cherie and Tagan, Mention my name, (I said) Mention my name, But don't you tell 'em where I am!

Mention my name at the Snake Pit They're the greatest little bunch in the world I told the KaKhan he'd really go far! I even gave the Noyan an exploding cigar! (So) Mention my name at the Snake Pit Yang and Bork and all of the rest, Mention my name, (I said) Mention my name, But don't you mention my address!

Words copyright W. J. Bethancourt III 1990


Of Great Murphy much is spoken For his Law shall not be broken It's not pretty when he's woken Things go wrong for you and me

–Dr Pepper

We will be like the Egyptians

Build pyramids to put our crypts in Fill our subways with inscriptions And it's good enough for me


the following words by Elise

We will sing a verse for Eris (Golden apples for the fairest!) Though she sometimes likes to scare us But she's good enough for me

We will sing for great Diana Who will teach of love and honor But you really gotta wanna! 'Cause she's tough enough for me

If your god of choice is Squat well then trendy, man, you're not - But you'll get a parking spot! and that's good enough for me

(Squat's a local deity. Cousin to the Alley God, whom I learned about through Doc Bonewits.)

words copyright Elise, 1990

NINE Words: Kay Shapero (Tune: First three lines are Banks of Sicily, with a new final two (see below))

The foe had invaded and conquered the land From border to border lay under his hand And out in a field a lone farmer did stand Saying "Nine, nine, nine." Looking down a deep hole saying "Nine."

Up strode an invader with jackboots and sneer And seeing the farmer not quaking with fear Said "Peasant, just why are you standing out here Saying 'Nine, nine, nine.' Looking down a deep hole saying 'Nine?'"

The farmer ignored him, not shifting an eye As though the man's voice were a bird's distant cry. His only reply, if it WAS a reply Was just "Nine, nine, nine." Looking down a deep hole saying "Nine."

The soldier said "Peasant, now listen to me. I order you; tell me just what do you see?" His voice might as well have been wind through a tree Whistling "Nine, nine, nine." Looking down a deep hole saying "Nine."

The soldier then growled "Are you lacking in wit?" He shook him and said "Are you having a fit?" The farmer just flipped him right into the pit And said "Ten, ten, ten" Looking down a deep hole saying "Ten."

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1990

The tune is a Banks of Sicily variant, with modification towards the end:

Treble, 3/4,C: g!gee!edc!fga!Gg! Treble, C: gee!edc!fec!Bg! Treble, C: gee!edc!fga!gef!ggg=gR Treble, C: efg!ggf!edc=Cr!

OUR PETS words by Jane Louise Lake and Elise (To the tune of "Our House", Crosby Stills & Nash)

I'll light the cat You drown the hamsters in the vase that you bought today Staring at the dog and thinking of meatloaf while I listen to you start the blender in the kitchen now-ow-ow (Don't forget the cow!)

Our pets are very very very fine pets when lovingly sauteed or in a light souffle please pass the angelfish fillet to me

And now yum yum, yum yum yum yum, yum, (etc. to fill)

Our pets are very very very fine pets (very fine pets) when barbecued or baked I love chameleon steak A turtle boil or bunny cake for you

And now I'll light the cat while you place the gerbils and the cute little duckies in the stew-ew-ew-ew-ew….

words copyright Jane Louise Lake and Elise, 1990

Alternate chorus Words by Jo Kellner

Our pets Are very very very nice pets We like them baked or fried With cole slaw on the side They're even good when mixed into a stew…

Words copyright Jo Kellner, 1990

Part of a "Camp Grenada" filk by Elise and Becky

 My friend Becky and I wrote one while staying in the  Claridge 

Hotel in Rhinelander, Wisconsin, 'cause we were pissed off at the desk clerk for shushing us when we were giggling in the lobby. We had been, um, imbibing a bit (both underage), and were in just the sort of mood to write a song to the tune of "Camp Grenada". As I recall, the first part went something like:

Hi, Aunt Hilda How's your marriage? We are staying At the Claridge Please be quiet when you're tanking* (*our slang for boozing) So the lady at the desk can do her banking.

We got stuck in The elevators And the whirlpool Has alligators All the roomers Carry bottles And the cutest one is four-foot-two and waddles.

It went on (and on and on) from there….

THE BALLAD OF THE GREEN PERFORMER Words by Jane Rogge Fredericksen, Elise Krueger, Brian Murphy, and whoever else was in the car on the way home from Minrod's wedding (Tune: The Ballad of the Green Berets)

See-through tights upon their legs They can`t dance or juggle eggs Three hundred kids tried out today and all but three will get no pay.

You rookies think this is your chance to have a Fest- ival romance If you'd avoid embarrassment Make sure to get a soundproof tent

Last year I camped upon the ground The winds they blew the rain came down This year my home is watertight I've moved into a Satellite. (*local brand of Porta-San, Porta-potty*)

A minstrel lives upon her hat You won't get rich Remember that!

You'll never hear the clink of gold unless you're cute and five years old.

(This verse sung in harmony by me and my singing partner - or MOSTLY harmony, anyway:) This year we're get- ting kind of mean We like to turn the patrons green Our method to provoke unease We sing duets In different keys!

         (*last line suits action to words...*)

You know those guys called Puke and Snot? They get put down an awful lot They say they're snobs But hey, who cares? They're pretty nice for millionaires….

I worked and prac- ticed constantly in hopes the staff would notice me They showed me that they really care They traded me to Valleyfair

        (*amusement park competitor just down the road*)

This is a mind- expanding show I've learned so much I didn't know I have discovered cosmic truth It's four parts gin one part vermouth

Words copyright Jane Rogge Fredericksen, Elise Krueger, Brian Murphy, and whoever else was in the car on the way home from Min- rod's wedding 1990 (actually is this note really necessary?)

THE CANTERBURY TALES spelling by Joe Bethancourt

Whan Aprille shoures may coom your waie They bringen floures that blume in Maie Soe if ittes rayninge have ne regrettes Becausse itte isne rayninge rayne, I wis, Ittes rayninge violettes.

And whan ye se clowdes uppon ye hille, Ye soone will se crowdes of daffodilles. Soe keepe on looken for ye bluebirde And listning for his songe whan ever Aprille shoures coom alonge!

THE SCAR MANGLED DRAGON Words by Jeff Grubb and Frank Dickos (Tune: "The Star Spangled Banner")

Oh Say, can you see By the red dragon's breath! All the treasure we saw Had our fighters' eyes gleaming. With broad swords and short bows We could face certain death, For the clerics were there Healing thieves with blood streaming.

And the fireball's red glare, Magic Missiles in air Gave proof through the fight That our mage was still there.

Oh say, has that red dragon Finally been subdued? If he has, then we are rich - If he's not, then we're stewed!

Words copyright Jeff Grubb and Frank Dickos, 1986

UNDER THE BUNNY FUR words by Elise (tune: Down By the Riverside)

Well, I wonder what those Tuchux wear under the bunny fur it's kind of funny fur don't cost much money fur well, I wonder what those Tuchux wear under the bunny fur Guess I'll have to look and SEE!

   (at last line, make grab for article in question, if one  is 

feeling brave, foolish AND bored. This one was written at Penn- sic to while away weary hours a-merchanting.)

words copyright Elise, July 1990

WHEN FIRST Words by Elise (Tune?)

When first I played before the crowd My lute was soft, my voice was loud My first day's hat was not that great… Two acorns and a paper plate!

If you like fun and like to laugh You should be on Production staff You'll get a job that you can keep It all depends on where ya sleep.

I've been a peasant for six years I've known the joy I've known the tears One thing I must admit is true I still don't know just what we do!

YOU NEVER CAN TELL Words and Music by Elise (tune original, or use most of Boiled in Lead's version of The Lusty Young Smith, or whatever fits.)

Lord Angus went down to Crown Tourney A distance of many a mile The tales he brought back from his journey Will keep us amused for a while

Chorus: For you never can tell at a tourney You will see things you haven't before It may seem a bit wild But it's all pretty mild You should see what goes on at the War!

He was trying both courtly and suave to appear To a certain young lady he wished to impress When what to his wondering eyes should draw near But the Baron of Nordskogen — clad in a dress!


Oh, the Baron looked really quite fetching In fact, he could cause quite a stir But the lady in question was kvetching That the dress fit him better that her…


Twas the corset that made him the belle of the ball An image that he will not easily escape Indeed I'm surprised that he got out at all For we fastened him in with a whole roll of tape!


So if period style is your passion And if being authentic's your quest Make sure you take note of the fashion In which Barons are rightly addressed!

Chorus and finis.

Copyright Elise, 1989 (or earlier - Elise?) –end of file– 

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