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CY: You're selling more posters than "Jurassic Park." You're

  getting all-time high ratings on MTV. What does your
  success say about the current culture of American
  teenagers?

BH: Huh-huh, huh-huh. B : He said "suck." Huh-huh, huh-huh. BH: Huh-huh. Uh…could you repeat the question? CY: What I'm getting at is, there's a whole new group of kids

  in junior high now, and your success -

BH: Huh-huh. He said it again. B : Yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh. CY: Let me put it another way. Just this morning I watched a

  psychologist on TV talk about the horrible effect that
  heavy metal has on kids. Do you ever consider the
  influence you're having on today's youth?

BH: Uh…uh…well, I like to burn stuff, but that doesn't

  mean -

B : I like it when stuff blows up and knocks people over.

  Huh-huh.

BH: [Smacks Beavis on the head] Shut up, Beavis. I was saying

  something. Huh-huh. Uh...what was I saying?

CY: Your influence on today's youth. BH: What's today? CY: Tuesday. BH: Oh, yeah. What was I saying? CY: Your effect on young people. You said you liked to burn

  stuff.

BH: Whoa! You must have one of those pornographic memories!

  Huh-huh. Uh...I like to burn stuff, but that doesn't mean
  *you* have to. Huh-huh, huh-huh. It would be cool if you
  did, though.

B : Yeah. Huh-huh. Fire! Fire! Fire! CY: So what's the coolest thing you've ever burned? BH: Uh…Beavis's eyebrows. Huh-huh. B : Yeah, that was pretty cool. Huh-huh. It smelled cool,

  too.

CY: Why was that so cool? BH: It was, like, unexpectant? We were torching a June bug

  with a can of Lysol and a lighter, and it ended up
  burning Beavis's face. Huh-huh, huh-huh. It was like a
  bonus.

B : Huh-huh. I burned my bonus. CY: Well, let me ask you this: Do you guys find anything

  funny that isn't scatological?

BH: Uh…sure. Lots of stuff. Like, uh, butts are funny. CY: Anything besides butts? B : Farts are funny. Because they come out of your butt. Huh-

  huh.

BH: Did you know any time anyone is born, they come out right

  next to a butt? Huh-huh.

B : Yeah. Even the president of the Unites States. CY: So what's your point? BH: Well, uh…that's pretty cool. Huh-huh, huh-huh. CY: What do you think of the disclaimer MTV sometimes runs

  before your show?

BH: It's cool. CY: Do you know what I'm talking about? BH: Uh…no. Huh-huh. CY: Those words MTV runs before the show warning people about

  you.

B : Words suck. BH: Yeah. If I wanted to read, I'd go to school. B : So, like, what do they say? CY: They say you're crude, self-destructive and anti-social,

  but for some reason you make them laugh.

BH: Cool! Huh-huh. B : Yeah. MTV's cool. CY: Even though the censors in their standards department

  won't let you say certain words?

BH: Yeah. MTV's cool - for a bunch of wussies. Huh-huh, huh-

  huh.

B : We can say "ass wipe." BH: Not very often. B : We can say "asshole." BH: No we can't, Beavis. B : Are you calling me a liar? BH: No I'm calling you a waste of bum wipe. B : We can say "butthole." Butthole! Butthole! Butthole! BH: Shut up! MTV will fire you! B : Fire! Fire! Fire! BH: Settle down, Beavis! CY: You seem to watch a lot of TV. Do you think television

  depicts an accurate view of the world?

BH: Uh…like, are you really with the Rolling Stones? CY: I'm with "Rolling Stone," the magazine. BH: So, uh, do you get lots of chicks? B : Hey, Butt-Head, when chicks find out we know someone with

  the Stones, we'll get some helmet. Huh-huh, huh-huh.

CY: I'm with the magazine "Rolling Stone." I'm a writer, not

  a musician.

B : Wuss. BH: So you don't get any chicks? CY: Not like Mick Jagger. B : Mick Jagger's not a chick. BH: He didn't say he was a chick, Beavis. He said he doesn't

• get* chicks.

B : He said he doesn't get chicks like Mick Jagger. BH: That's right. Not like Mick Jagger. B : But Mick Jagger's not a chick. BH: Don't make me kick your ass again, Beavis. B : You know who looks like a chick? Huh-huh. Vince Neil. BH: Yeah. Huh-huh. And Dave Mustaine. B : Yeah. That's why he wears glasses. So he doesn't look too

  much like a girl. Huh-huh, huh-huh.

CY: What do glasses have to do with masculinity? BH: You know what you should do to, like, get chicks? Since

  you're a wuss? Huh-huh, huh-huh.

CY: What? BH: You should get some binoculars and stand outside this

  apartment building we know and look in the windows. Huh-
  huh.

CY: How would that help me get chicks? BH: Sometimes you can see 'em naked. Huh-hu, huh-huh. B : Yeah. Huh-huh. Or you could go to Bible camp and hug

  chicks when they find Jesus.

BH: That would be cool. Huh-huh. "Give us this day our

  morning wood." Huh-huh, huh-huh.

CY: What kind of music do you like? BH: Uh…uh…all different kinds. B : Yeah. Like *loud* music. BH: Yeah. And music that *rocks*! Huh-huh. B : Music that kicks *ass*! Huh-huh. And fire music! Fire!

  Fire!

CY: What's fire music? B : Oh, sorry, I was thinking about videos. BH: I also like music that's about stuff. Huh-huh. B : Yeah. Like that rap song about that guy who likes big

  butts.

BH: Yeah. That one speaks to me. Huh-huh, huh-huh. CY: The rumor is, you guys have the same father. BH: Uh…we're not sure. It's possible. Huh-huh. B : Yeah. Huh-huh. He used to come around a lot. CY: Are the two of you friends with anyone besides each

  other?

B : We're not friends. BH: Beavis has a special friend. Huh-huh. B : Yeah. Huh-huh. BH: Sometimes he shakes hands with Little Beavis. B : Yeah. [Pathetic attempt at Pakistani accent] "Hello,

  Meester Monkey." Huh-huh, huh-huh.

BH: Huh-huh. That was cool. CY: Well, you two sound pretty friendly. BH: We just do lots of stuff together. Huh-huh. B : Just cool stuff. BH: Yeah. I like stuff that's cool. CY: Well, there must be a lot of cool stuff to do, because as

  far as I can tell, you two spend every moment of your
  life together.

BH: That's 'cause Beavis follows me around. B : *You* follow *me* around. BH: Only when I'm gonna kick your ass. B : When you're gonna *lick* my ass? BH: Shut up, booger wipe! B : Peckerwood! CY: Hey, break it up! Butt-Head, I have a question for you. I

  noticed that you often say, "I like stuff that's cool."
  But isn't that circular logic? I mean, what is the
  definition of "cool," other than an adjective denoting
  something the speaker likes?

BH: Huh-huh. Uh, did you, like, go to college? CY: You don't have to go to college to know the definition of

  "redundant." What I'm saying is that essentially what
   you're saying is "I like stuff that I like."

B : Yeah. Huh-huh. Me, too. BH: Also, I don't like stuff that sucks, either. CY: But nobody likes stuff that sucks! BH: Then why does so much stuff suck? B : Yeah. College boy! Huh-huh, huh-huh. BH: Huh-huh, huh-huh. Uh, I have a question for you. CY: Go ahead. BH: Pull my finger. CY: That's not a question. BH: Huh-huh. Uh…would you please pull my finger? CY: Oh, all right. [Butt-Head farts loudly.] BH: Huh-huh, huh-huh. That's cool. B : I taught him that joke. Huh-huh. BH: I taught *you* that joke, bunghole! B : But I taught you the part about where you fart. BH: Oh, right, you did. Huh-huh, huh-huh. That's my favorite

  part.

CY: I have just a couple more things I'd like to cover. BH: Huh-huh. He said "things." B : He said "couple." Huh-huh, huh-huh. CY: When I was your age, the big event that formed the values

  of my entire generation was the Vietnam War.

BH: Yeah. Huh-huh. Rambo was cool! CY: So I was wondering if there was some similar experience,

  some unifying event, that has affected your life.

BH: Uh…well, once we bought this bullwhip at Stucky's? And

  we went around looking for stuff to whip. But like we
  couldn't find anything. No frogs or lizards or nothing.

B : We tried a bag of charcoal, but it wasn't alive. BH: We found this big old grasshopper in the middle of the

  road. It was really big. It was like a freak grasshopper.
  Huh-huh. We whipped it and whipped it.

B : Yeah, yeah. And then I kicked it. Huh-huh. BH: We slapped it around like a red-headed stepchild. Huh-

  huh, huh-huh. And then it looked like it was dead 'cause
  it hadn't moved in like an hour? And then all of a sudden
  these little white worms started crawling out of its
  butt, one by one. Huh-huh, huh-huh.

B : Yeah. They looked like long-grain rice. It's like they

  were trapped inside this grasshopper, and we came along
  and set 'em free.

BH: Huh-huh. Uh…they crawled out of its *butt*! CY: You're comparing the Vietnam War to worms crawling out of

  a grasshopper's butt? How could that affect your life?

BH: Well, uh…if that hadn't happened, we would have had to,

  like, do something else.

CY: Well, I suppose it's pointless to ask this, but- BH: Huh-huh. You said "butt." CY: What advice do you have for America's youth? B : Uh…sometimes at the arcade? If you rub your feet on the

  ground and touch the coin slot, it makes a spark and you
  get a free game. Huh-huh.

BH: Huh-huh. Uh…I got one. Like if you go to school and,

  like, study and stuff? And grow up and get a job at a
  company and, like, get promoted? You have to go there and
  do stuff that sucks for the rest of your life.

B : Yeah. You'll be trapped, just like those worms in that

  grasshopper's butt. Huh-huh, huh-huh. And then people
  will whip you, and you'll come crawling out and -

BH: Shut up, Beavis! Huh-huh. But what I was saying is, if

  you act like us and just do stuff that's cool? Like sit
  around and watch TV and burn stuff?

B : And choke your chicken. Huh-huh-huh. BH: Yeah. Huh-huh. And choke your chicken. Then, ROLLING

  STONE magazine will come and kiss your butt!

CY: Huh-huh. You said "come." B : Yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh. Beavis & Butt-Head: Huh-huh, huh-huh. Huh-huh, huh-huh. Huh-

  huh, huh-huh. Huh-huh, huh-huh.

BH: That was cool!

: Keywords:

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