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     DRIVE YOUR KARMA, CURB YOUR DOGMA

Swami Beyondananda's Guidelines for Enlightenment (edited)

1. Be a Fundamentalist – ensure the Fun always comes before

the mental.  Realize that life is a situation comedy that 
will never be canceled.  A laugh track has been provided, 
and the reason why we are put in the material world is to 
get more material.  Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and 
that will ensure regularhilarity.

2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift –

just for entering.  So you are already a winner!

3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision.

That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision 
to me.  That way, if we don't like the programming we're 
getting, we can change the channel.

4. Life is like photography, you use the negative to develop.

And, no matter what adversity you face, be reassured:  Of 
course God loves you -- He's just not ready to make a 
commitment.

5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts,

thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, 
causing a condition called truth decay.  So be sure to use 
mental floss twice a day.  And when you're tempted to 
practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's 
Absurdiveness Training class:  "Don't get even, get odd."

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments

and truly live like nomads.  That's where I no mad at you, 
you no mad at me.  That way, there'll surely be nomadness on 
the planet.  And peace begins with each of us.  A little 
peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces 
will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.

7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the

future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice 
is simple.  When you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.

8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is

toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it 
again.

9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have

some bad news and some good news.  The bad news is -- there 
is no key to the Universe.  The good news is -- it has been 
left unlocked.

10. Finally, everything I have told you is channelled. That

way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault.  And remember, 
enlightenment is not bureaucracy.  So you don't have to go 
through channels.