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Network Working Group A. Ramos Request for Comments: 2323 ISI Category: Informational 1 April 1998

            IETF Identification and Security Guidelines

Status of this Memo

 This memo provides information for the Internet community.  It does
 not specify an Internet standard of any kind.  Distribution of this
 memo is unlimited.

Copyright Notice

 Copyright (C) The Internet Society (1998).  All Rights Reserved.

1. Abstract

 This RFC is meant to represent a guideline by which the IETF
 conferences may run more effeciently with regards to identification
 and security protocols, with specific attention paid to a particular
 sub-group within the IETF: "facial hairius extremis".

 This document will shed further illumination on these problems and
 provide some possible solutions.

 This memo provides entertainment for the Internet community.  It does
 not specify an Internet standard of any kind, but is rather
 unstandard, actually.  Please laugh loud and hard.

2. Introduction

 It has come to the attention of THEY [1] that a certain "facial
 hairius extremesis" of the male variety of the species "homo sapien"
 of the sub-culture "computeris extrordinarisis" have overrun the IETF
 conferences and thus led to the break-down of many identification and
 safety protocols.

3. Per Capita (Anecdotal) Evidence

 While collecting research about the sub-group "facial hairius
 extremis" (FHE), it was noted that the per capita appearance of FHEs
 at IETFs was largely disproportional with the existence of FHEs in
 the world-at-large.  In fact, the existence of facial hair at all
 within the IETF community is extraordinarily common among the males
 of the group.  Apart from ZZ-Top and WWF Wrestling, it is not
 possible to find more facial hair within any occupational group.  In

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 this author's own experience the average amount of men with long-term
 facial hair is less than 20%.  Long-term versus short-term facial
 hair is a very important distinction as short-term facial hair, also
 known as the temporary illness "goatee universitis" (which symptoms
 range from full goatees to the less popular chin-goatee) is a common
 affliction for university-based males.  Per capita (temporary) facial
 hair can go as high as 40%.  However, among the males of the IETF the
 per capita long-term facial hair is as high as 60% [2].

 Ordinarily, this abundance of long-term FHE would not require that an
 RFC be written.  However, increasingly there have been issues
 regarding mistaken identification.  For security purposes as well as
 ease of identification, this RFC will serve to clarify these issues
 and hopefully provide a solution for them.

4. Mistaken Identification Syndrome (or "Are you –jon. or Scott?")

 I was speaking to a very well-known network researcher, I'll call him
 --jon., who tells me that he is often mistaken for a SOBbing Harvard
 person.  --jon. says, "People tell someone to look for me or him and
 say that I'm about so-tall with a big white beard, and suddenly
 people are coming up to me and saying, 'Hi Scott' and he often tells
 me that he is mistakenly hailed as, '--jon.'.  Often the mistake is
 made solely on the appearance of our facial hair."

 Another story --jon. told me is that once a woman called looking for
 a computer researcher but only having a first name and physical
 description.  The receiptionist asked for the description and the
 woman said she was looking for an older Caucasian man with a beard.
 The receptionist reportedly blurted out, "they all have beards!!!!"

 On a more personal note, two researchers who were both employed at
 USC/ISI shaved their very famous facial hair and were both
 unrecognizable to friends and co-workers alike.  If it weren't for
 B.M.'s Grateful Dead T-shirts and lack of shoes, or R.V.M.'s voice I
 would have never recognized them.

5. Security Considerations

 It is obvious to this researcher that facial hair of any variety is a
 very recognizable characteristic.  Indeed, when giving a description
 of a male who has facial hair, it is always one of the first
 characteristics given.  Ordinarily this would not be a problem, since
 facial hair in the world at large is below 20%.  However, when used
 as a description at IETFs, disaster can insue.

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6. Solutions

 There are two parts to my proposed solution: the role of the seeker
 and the role of the FHE.

 For those who are seeking a FHE of known identity:

1. It is important to recognize these men as individuals.

       Just because a man has the facial hair you are looking for,
       please stop to inquire if you have the correct person.  Think
       of what a blow it is to a person's ego to be constantly
       misidentified, and think of how annoying it is to be hailed by
       someone across a crowded IETF room and they are yelling the
       WRONG NAME.  So remember to look, identify, and ask BEFORE you
       begin rambling on about some Internet stuff.

 For the FHE:

1. Give proper signals when being sought.

       If someone mistakenly calls you the wrong name, do not lose
       heart.  Count to 10 and commonly reply, "You must have mistaken
       me for so-and-so, I am not that person.", and walk away.  Also,
       if someone calls you from across a room, raise your your arm,
       smile and wave vigorously in affirmation or raise your arm,
       shake your head and give them a sign that you are not who they
       are looking for.  As an FHE it is part of your responsibility
       to understand that facial hair is an extremely identifiable
       physical characteristic.  Understand that non-FHE people do not
       mean any harm.

7. Conclusion

 In closing, I hope you found this RFC worthwhile and that it raised
 some interesting points.  I also hope that I was able to further the
 cause of FHE and to make everyone's life a little bit easier. ;^)

8. References

 [1] THEY
     THEY, "We Who Everyone Quotes But Doesn't Know Who We Are", Pop
     Culture, April 1998.

 [2] 60% of IETF men have facial hair
     A. Ramos, "Damn, A Lot Of Men Here Have Facial Hair", ISI Talk,
     September 1997.

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9. Acknowledgements

 I would like to thank the men of ISI who inspired me to write this
 RFC.  I hope that my work will make life easier for you, and that the
 cases of mistaken identity will not be as common in the future
 because of this RFC.  I understand your plight and feel for you.
 Good luck.

 Thanks to my life partner, Martin, who's reoccuring affliction of
 goatee universitis is a constant source of joy for me.

10. Author's Address

 Alegre Ramos
 USC/ISI
 4676 Admiralty Way #1001
 Marina del Rey, CA 90292

 Phone: 310-822-1511 x153
 EMail: ramos@isi.edu

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11. Full Copyright Statement

 Copyright (C) The Internet Society (1998).  All Rights Reserved.

 This document and translations of it may be copied and furnished to
 others, and derivative works that comment on or otherwise explain it
 or assist in its implementation may be prepared, copied, published
 and distributed, in whole or in part, without restriction of any
 kind, provided that the above copyright notice and this paragraph are
 included on all such copies and derivative works.  However, this
 document itself may not be modified in any way, such as by removing
 the copyright notice or references to the Internet Society or other
 Internet organizations, except as needed for the purpose of
 developing Internet standards in which case the procedures for
 copyrights defined in the Internet Standards process must be
 followed, or as required to translate it into languages other than
 English.

 The limited permissions granted above are perpetual and will not be
 revoked by the Internet Society or its successors or assigns.

 This document and the information contained herein is provided on an
 "AS IS" basis and THE INTERNET SOCIETY AND THE INTERNET ENGINEERING
 TASK FORCE DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING
 BUT NOT LIMITED TO ANY WARRANTY THAT THE USE OF THE INFORMATION
 HEREIN WILL NOT INFRINGE ANY RIGHTS OR ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
 MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE.

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