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1 1 t h H H OO U U RRRRR 11 11 ttt h H H O O U U R R 1 1 1 1 t hhh H H O O U U R R 1 1 t h h H H O O U U R R 1 1 tt h h HHHHH O O U U RRRRR 1 1 H H O O U U R R 1 1 H H O O U U R R 1 1 H H O O U U R R 11111 11111 H H OO UUU R R P R O D U C T I O N S Presents…

   Richard was an honest boy.  He was not the brightest student

in his class, but he was sincere. Ever since he was a young boy entering elementary school, Richard wanted only to be accepted by others. But for some reason, Richard was different from all the other boys and girls. There was something different, something special, about Richard. His appearance was plain: barely over five feet, dark hair, acne; not an unusual appearance for this junior in high school. But Richard was never understood by the others. There was a difference between Richard and the others that no person could even begin to understand. It all began when Richard was a freshman in high school…

   Richard had just moved to Plimpton the previous summer.  Richard

came to school the first day prepared to make a good first impression on all his future classmates and friends. He was wearing his Keds sneakers and his Osh Kosh shirt, pocket protector and his bowl cut hairdo. Richard was ready to make some friends and start a great new life in Plimpton. He entered the school with a bright smile on his face, ready to go. Entering the small brick school, he found it bustling with other students, all excited about the start of the school year. Richard eventually met a few people, and but none were friendly towards him. And soon, his luck went further downhill when he felt nature's inevitable call.

   Richard had little trouble finding the single lavatory in the

school. As Richard swung open the door and stepped inside, he sensed that all was not well. A cloud of putrid fumes hung ominously overhead, and from inside a stall heavy breathing could be heard. The stall swung open, and a figure emerged from the smoky depths of the lavatory. "Hey, what the fuck are you starin' at, geek boy?"

   The burnout was more than six feet tall, with long tangled hair, a

torn denim jacket and tight leather pants. The heavy chain hanging ouf his belt clattered loudly as he stepped up in front of Richard.

   "I...  I... I need to pee..." stammered Richard.
   Richard had never seen a burnout before, coming from his rural

villiage of thirty students.

   "You wanna take a leak, shithead?  Take this you geek!" the tall

burnout shouted as he lowered his pants and urinated on Richard.

   Richard was frozen in fear.  He could do nothing to resist the

humiliation he was being put through. After what seemed an eternity to Richard, the burnout walked towards the door.

   "If your geek friends ask who did this to ya', tell them it was

the Skulta. And don't let me see you trying to take a leak in my pissroom again, or you won't get off so easy."

   With that, Skulta left, and Richard was left alone.  Mortified,

Richard climbed out the lavatory window and ran home.

   That night, Richard grew restless. Searching for an escape from

his troubles, Richard took a walk through Plimpton park. It was a hot and toasty night, and Richard soon had to stop for a rest beside a phone pole. He sat down beside it, and was about to fall asleep, when he heard a voice from above…

   "Hello what!" said the voice, as the dark figure descended from

the pole. "I'm Bollix. You can just call me Bollix, if you want. What can I do you for?"

   "Well, mister, I'm nothing.  Nobody likes me anymore.

And…and… today in the bathroom, the Skulta peed on me and got me smelly and sticky!"

   "Well it serves you right!  You're boring... umm.. no.  I didn't

say that. What I meant to say is that you could avoid all this alienation and crap. What you need, my small friend, is a gimmick!"

   A look of interest arose on Richard's face, as Bollix revealed his

plan to give Richard a new image… a gimmick.

   "What you've got to do is get a gimmick.  Something unique.

Something special. You know… a gimmick. Like the professional wrestlers. But you know, they have lame gimmicks what. You need something impressive. You can be… umm… let's see… you can be… BAGEL MAN! That's it! It's your new image! Your gimmick! Trust me, if you follow my instructions, you'll have the babes all over you and the Skulta trembling at your feet!"

   Bollix proceeded to instruct Richard on the details of his new

image, and by the next morning, when he came to school, Richard was no longer the young innocent boy he was the day before… he was no longer Richard… he was… Bagel-Man!

   Part II coming soon!


(C) 1991 by Janitor Brand & The Eleventh Hour All Rights Curiously Examined And Contemplated

"The Purple Duck Flies South at Noon"

Call these fine boards:

The Janitor's Closet  - (617) 69X-XXXX
The Works             - (617) 861-8976 
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