GENWiki

Premier IT Outsourcing and Support Services within the UK

User Tools

Site Tools


archive:humor:zgtoilet
                         ZERO GRAVITY TOILET
       Passengers are required to read instruction before use.

1. The toilet is of the standard Zero-gravity type. Depending on

  requirements, system A  and/or system B  can be used,  details of which
  are clearly marked in the toilet compartment.  When operating system A,
  depress  lever  and  a  plastic  dalkron  eliminator  will be dispensed
  thorough the slot immediately  underneath.  When you have  fastened the
  adhesive lib, attach to connection marked by the large "X" outlet hose.
  Twist the  silver coloured  ring one  inch below  the connection  point
  until you feel it lock.

2. The toilet is now ready for use. The Sonovac cleanser is activated by

  the small switch on the lip.  When securing, twist the ring back to its
  initial  condition,  so  that  the  two orange lines meet.  Disconnect.
  Place the  dalkron eliminator  in the  vacuum receptacle  to the  rear.
  Activate by pressing the blue button.

3. The controls for system B are located on the opposite wall. The red

  release switch places the uroliminor into position; It can be  adjusted
  manually up  or down  by pressing  the blue  manual release  button The
  opening is self adjusting.  To secure after use press the green  button
  which  simultaneously   activates  the   evaporator  and   returns  the
  uroliminator to its storage position.

4. You man leave the lavatory if the green exit light is on over the door.

  If the red light is illuminated, one of the lavatory facilities is  not
  properly secured.  Press the "stewardess"  call button to the right  of
  the  door.   She  will  secure  all  facilities  from her control panel
  outside.  When green exit light go on, you may open the door and leave.
  Please close the door behind you.

5. To use the Sonoshower, first undress and place all your clot hes in the

  clothes rack,  Enter the  shower.  On  the control  panel to your upper
  right upon  entering you  will see  a "Shower  seal" button.   Press to
  activate.  A green  light will then  be illuminated immediately  below.
  On  the  intensity  knob,select  the  desired setting.  Now depress the
  Sonovac activation lever.  Bath normally.

6. The sonovac will automatically go off after threw minutes unless you

  activate the "Manual off" over-ride switch by flipping it up.  When you
  are ready to leave, press  the blue "Shower seal" release  button.  The
  door will open  and you may  leave.  Please remove  the velcro slippers
  and place them in their container.

7. If the red light above this panel is on, the toilet is in use. When

  the  green  light  is  illuminated  you  may  enter.  However, you must
  carefully  follow  all  instruction  when  using  the facilities during
  coasting (Zero G) flight.  Inside  there are three facilities: (1)  The
  Sonowasher, (2) The Sonoshower, (3) The Toilet.  All three are designed
  to be used under weightless conditions.  Please observe the sequence of
  operations for each individual facility.

8. Two modes for washing your face and hands are available, The "moist-

  towel" mode and the "Sonovac" ultrasonic cleaner mode.  You may  select
  either mode by moving the appropriate lever to the "Activate" position.
  If  you  choose  the  "moist-towel"  mode, depress the indicated yellow
  button and withdraw item.  When you have finished, discard the towel in
  the  vacuum  dispenser,  holding  the  indicated  lever  in an "active"
  position until  the green  light goes  on...showering that  the rollers
  have passed the towel completely into the dispenser.  If you desire and
  additional towel, press the yellow button and repeat the cycle.

9. If you prefer the "Sonovac" ultrasonic cleaning mode, depress the

  indicated blue  button.  When  the twin  panels open,  pull forward  by
  rings A and B. For cleaning  the hands, use in this position.   Set the
  timer to  positions 10,  20, 30,  and 40...indicative  of the number of
  seconds required.  The knob to the left, just below the blue light  has
  three settings, low medium or high.  For normal use, the medium setting
  is suggested.

10. After these settings have been made, you can activate the device by

  switching to  the "ON"  position the  clearly marked  red switch.   If,
  during the washing  operation, you wish  to change the  settings, place
  the "manual off" over-ride switch  in the "OFF" position.  You  may now
  make the change and repeat the cycle.

From 2001:A SPACE ODYSSEY by Arthur C. Clarke

X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X

Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet™

& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845 Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649 Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766 realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043 Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102

 Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
     arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
     insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
Full access for first-time callers.  We don't want to know who you are,
 where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
                        "Raw Data for Raw Nerves"

X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X

/data/webs/external/dokuwiki/data/pages/archive/humor/zgtoilet.txt · Last modified: 1999/08/01 17:16 by 127.0.0.1

Donate Powered by PHP Valid HTML5 Valid CSS Driven by DokuWiki