The Manager
Y.M.C.A. Hotel London
Roma 28. Sept, 1988
Dear Signore Direttore
Now I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at your hotella. I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay a-younga Christian man at your hotella. When I comma in the room I see there is no shit in the bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed ? So I calla down to receptione and tella: " I want shit." They tella me: "Go to toilet." I say: "No, no I wanta shit in my bed." They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-va-bitch."
What is " sonna-va-bitch" ?
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and to pisses of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress and point at toast: " I wanna piss." She tella me: "Go to toilet." I say: "No, no I wanna piss on my plate." She then tella to me: "You'd bloody wella not piss on the plate, you sonna-va-bitch."
That is the second person who do not know me calla me "sonna-va-bitch:" And why is your staff replying: "Go to toilet" ? Is that a modern worda?
Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: "I wanna fock." She tella me: "Sure, everyone wanna fock." I tella her: "No, no you don't understanda me, I wanna fock on the table." She tella me: "So you sonna-va-bitch wanna fock on table? Get your ass out of here!"
How comma this Christian hotella tella the guest in such bed manner ?
So I go to receptione and aska for bill. I no wanna stay in this hotel no more. When I have paid the billa the portier say to me:" Thank you and piss on you." I say:" Piss on you too, you sonna-va-bitch. I now go backa to Italy."
Direttore, I never wanna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-va-bitch.
Sincerely Luigi Martini