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archive:humor:cform2
                    STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
                       (posted by Sean Paswater)
                      (original by David Parsons)
                   (who stole it from George McQuary)
         (who shamelessly appropriated the idea from Dave Sweeney)

I took exception to your recent _ post to _. (newsgroup) _ email

It was (check all that apply):

_ lame. _ stupid. _ boring. _ obvious killfile fodder. _ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable. Your attention is drawn to the fact that: _ what you posted/said has been done before.

  (Mark only if above checked)
  ___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.

_ your post/mail was a pathetic imitation of _. (net.personality) _ your post/mail originated on FidoNet. _ your post/mail originated on Delphi. _ your post/mail originated on AOL. _ your post/mail was intended to be email/a post. _ your post/mail originated on a BBS. _ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or Notesfile. _ your post contained commercial advertising.

  THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
                  Usenet News
                  Network Security & Standards Patrol
                  2300 Davenport C-9
                  Knoxville, TN 37920-2165
  or your posting privileges will be cancelled.

_ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors. _ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors. _ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!! _ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission. _ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission. _ your post/letter was an obvious forgery.

  (Mark only if above checked)
  ___ It was done clumsily.

_ you have a lame login name. _ your machine has a stupid name. _ your attempt at a middle name fell flat. (Mark only if above checked) _ Painfully. _ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text. _ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!" _ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added _ lines of

  text.

_ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]". (Mark only if above checked) _ *Without* adding "<form of representation> at 11". _ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group". _ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you. _ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you. _ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider. _ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line. _ you have no .sig . _ your .sig is longer than four lines. (Mark only if above checked) _ And your newsreader truncated it. _ your .sig is wider than 80 columns. _ your .sig is tabdamaged. _ your .sig is longer than your included text. _ your .sig is longer than the entire rest of your post. _ your .sig approacheth Kibo's in length. _ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):

  ___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es).
      (Mark only if above checked)
      ___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
  ___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
  ___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
      (Mark only if above also)
       ___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed.
       (Mark only if above also)
           ___ Miserably.
  ___ you included:
      (Mark all that apply)
       ___ a stupid self-quote.
       ___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
       ___ a stupid quote from
           (Mark all that apply)
           ___ Rush Limbaugh.
           ___ Dan Quayle.
           ___ a rock band member.
               (Mark only if above also)
               ___ from Rush.
           ___ (one of) the United Stated Founding Father(s).
       ___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
       ___ lame ASCII fonts
       ___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
           ___ USS Enterprise
           ___ Australia
           ___ The Amiga logo
           ___ Company logo
               (Mark only if above also)
               ___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer.
           ___ Bicycle
           ___ Bart Simpson
           ___ Sword
           ___ Dinosaur
           ___ Cat/Dog
               (Mark only if above also)
               ___ plural
       ___ excessive misuse of punctuation marks, namely __________
       ___ excessive whitespace

Furthermore:

_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of _

                                                      (newsgroup)

_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net. _ You are a loser. _ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this clueless. _ *plonk* _ This has been pointed out to you before. _ It is recommended that you:

  (Mark all that apply)
  ___ Go Away. Now.
  ___ stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up.
  ___ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
  ___ get a gun and shoot yourself.
  ___ stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
  ___ stop sending email and get a life.
  ___ consume excrement.
  ___ consume excrement and thus expire.

Additional comments:

/data/webs/external/dokuwiki/data/pages/archive/humor/cform2.txt · Last modified: 2000/07/02 16:10 by 127.0.0.1

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