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archive:humor:beerdiag

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

               beer is unusually pale and clear.

FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION REQUIRED: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

               and the front of your shirt is wet.

FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to

               wrong part of face.

ACTION REQUIRED: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror.

               Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION REQUIRED: Turn glass other way up so that open end points

               toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION REQUIRED: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while

               complain to the owner about its lack of house
               training and demand a beer as compensation.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION REQUIRED: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor swaying. FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to

               air-hockey game in progress.

ACTION REQUIRED: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION REQUIRED: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

               If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and

               flourscent light strip across it.

FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION REQUIRED: If your glass is full and no one is standing on

               your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone
               to help you get up, lash yourself to bar.

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigare

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/data/webs/external/dokuwiki/data/pages/archive/humor/beerdiag.txt · Last modified: 1999/08/01 17:14 by 127.0.0.1

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