* * * * * * * * T.H.E A.R.T * * * * O.F * * * * T.H.E F.A.R.T * * * * * * * * * * –Braught to * * by…. T.G.T * * _ * * I I * * I THE GUILD THIEVES I * * I_I * * * * * *
I was first fascinated by the human FART one day in my math class.My teacher was finishing up his rather boring lecture on the Pythogorean theory.He was so enthralled with the topic that he totally ignored his body and at the end of the last statement gave a loud and raunchy smelling FART.( I later found out that it was called an exlamation fart.) The FART was so lude that the whole class withdrew towards the back of the room.I heard my friend jokingly say "What do you call that Mr.Moss!" That was the statement that excited me in the Art of the Fart.I will always remember my first intentional fart.A french FART to be exact.As soon as my but-cheeks spread and I heard the wisp leave my posterior a sensation ran through my body,a felling I will always remember a triumph I will tell my children.The rest of the day I spent FARTING around (literally).I have done much research on the FART and have taken the time to write it down to better clasify the FART. There are two types of FARTS I will refer to
Class <1> Your Farts
Class <2> Somebody else's Farts
The ALARM FART: This is a good fart for the beginner.It is easy to identify ————— It starts with a loud unnatural high note and ends with a
quick downward note that stops before you expect it to.It
sounds like something is wrong and will usually get you
alarmed.If it happens to you you will know right away because
of the nervouse feeling you will have
The AMPLIFIED FART: This is any fart that gets is power more from being ——————- amplified than from the fart itself.A metal porch swing
will amplify a fart every time as will a tin drum,a
cardboard box etc. These are common farts under the right
conditions
The BIGGEST FART IN THE WORLD: Like the great bal eagle, this fart is pretty —————————— well described by its name this can either be
a group one or two.This fart is totally
awe-inspiring.The first time I heard it was in
a high school auditorium,right after the
national anthem.After the fart the whole
auditorium rose clapping.
The CROWD FART: The crowd fart is distinguished by its very potent odor, ————— strong enough to make quite a few people turn look around
The trick here is not to identify the fart but the farter
This is almost impossible unless the farter panics and
makes a caughing noise,or looks up to the ceiling as if
something up there fascinates him.Verry common in the
supermarket.
The DID AN ANGEL SPEAK FART: Very simply any fart in church,temple,or any —————————- place of worship.For fart watchers who go to
this is a must to watch for as this is the only
place it can occur.
The ENGLISH FART: A very classy fart. The sound alone distinguishes it from —————– all other farts.There are some who will say that this is a
put-on accent,but that is silly.When it comes to farting
goes around sounding like an Englishman.It happens or it
doesnt.The sound it makes is a _THIP_.Sometimes it will go
__THIP__THIP__.It is unmistakable.It is probably as proper
and upper class as a fart can get.
The EXCLAMATION FART: This is a punctuation fart.Timing is the whole thing ——————— The farter,or someone,must be speaking.For instance
the speaker will say "Ah shut up!" and then someone
will fart a loud sharp fart.This is a true exclamation
fart.If the speaker is also the farter he may delay
it until just the right moment them force it for all
he's worth <usualy causing an unwanted load in his
pants>.Rare.
The EXECUTIVE FART: A very loud fart by a very important person is an ——————- executive fart.It is either sharp or flat,somewhat off key
but otherwise a very business like fart.No nonsense about
it! but noone is supposed to notice.particularly the
farter.If you do not laugh at the executive fart its
either your afraid of the the person who farted or the
fart was just to gross.Common with very important people
The FRENCH FART: Said to be the most beautiful of farts.Usually in a minor key —————- Soft and musical with many half tones.Any long drawn out fart
that seems beautiful to you is most likely a French Fart.
Very Rare
The STAR SPANGLED BANNER FART: This is one of the few farts that can bring —————————— tears to people's eyes and lumps to their
throats and otherwise get them all stired up.
The POO-POO FART: This is a fart by a very small kid.The kid farts and then —————– says "go poo-poo now".and somebody takes him and he does
The S'CUSE ME FART: This rare fart excuses itself as it is farted.It is about ——————- as close to words as a fart can get.The sound it makes
is like a little soft whisper that says "S'cuse me."
The most polite of all farts and very silly when you
are alone.
I hope the above will help you to identify some common farts.Already farting is sweeping the nation.And wouldnt you impress your friends if you can identify them. Soon there will be a special course in farting in most schools.Neighborhood fart watches will start to form! Before I go let me leave a bit of wisdom with you.Next time somebody asks you too pull there finger….think twice.
- * The following has been a T.G.T presentation**
The ALARM FART: This is