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Bogged down by that 9-to-5 job?
Experiencing a constant depression?
Feel like you're not accomplishing anything?

Well, all that can change, if you take our 30-day course on.....

                      HOW TO BECOME SATAN!

That's right, you can be the owner of one of the "hottest" jobs around, and

have a great time, too! Being the Lord Of Flies is a job with many responsibilities, but with this great offer, you can soon be on your way to controlling the bleak land of eternal torment!

Look at some of the perks that await you....

• Sending nubile young virgins to their death, for NO other reason then for

sexual playthings in an orgy that lasts FOREVER!

• Having NO worries or threats of unions, dethronement, bills, or plumbing

in your new occupation!

• Meeting famous people like: Sen. Joe McCarthy, Jim Morrison, Idi Amin,

and Paul Castellano!

• Entering the mortal world at will and making deals with unsuspecting

schmucks, and taking it ALL AWAY at a predetermined time, to gain control of

  their souls! (Satisfied Customers include Adolf Hitler and Donald Mannes)

• Imagine the feeling when you dress up in a red tuxedo, and welcome your new

"Guests" with IMPUNITY and PRIDE that you are SCARING THE LIVING SHIT OUT

   OF THEM!

In Hell, there won't be any sexual diseases like the dreaded AIDS, because

everyone'll already be dead! You can be as cruel as you want, because you WILL BE BEEZLEBUB, and nobody can refuse you!

If what we've just described to you sounds like a dream come true, then WRITE

NOW, and order your new RONCO SATAN HOME COURSE kit today!

 But that's not all! If you order within the next week, we'll include a FREE

TABLEWARE SET that will match any occasion you come up with!

So order today! And remember, "Anyone can be a devil, but it takes a special

                              something to be the King of Darkness!"

              Send $99.99 to:

                       Ron-Co Satan Home Course
                       666 Eternal Damnation Avenue
                       Death Valley, CA 12533

Use a LOT of different typestyles.
Capitals should be big.
Stars should be kept.