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archive:fun:suicide

Von: Michael Marsden Michael.Marsden%newcastle.ac.uk @ SUB (Mo, 08.07.91 07:12)

  1. aus alt.auicide.holiday (Usenet) -

SUICIDE - Methods

1. HANGING

 2 methods
 1. asphyxiation (dangle on end of rope for 10 minutes)
    Time:      5 to 10 minutes
    Available: Rope, solid support 10 foot above ground
    Certainty: Fairly certain (discovery, rope/support snapping)
    Notes:     Brain damage likely if rescued. Very painful depending on
               rope. Most common EFFECTIVE form of suicide. See later
               "Asphyxiation" section. Someone did this about 10 meters
               from where I was sleeping once. Worked perfectly.
 2. breaking neck
    Time:      Should be instant if it does break. See previous if not
    Available: Rope, solid support, 10 foot space below, several above
    Certainty: Very certain if the rope/support doesn't break
    Notes:     Minimal danger of discovery (depends on location). Painless
               if you drop far enough (8 foot is optimum). Make sure that
               the rope is tied securely to something STRONG!! It has to
               support your weight MULTIPLIED by the force of the drop
               (in g). Use a hangman's knot (with the knot at the back of
               your neck).

2. POISON

 Availability of effective poisons restricted.
 Normally painless, but depends on drug.
 Large danger of discovery because slow.
 Available compounds dangerous, have side effect if survived.
 Fairly common, usually ineffective (depends on drug, dose and luck).
 Takes from 10 seconds to fortnight or more.
 In general, you need to stay away from medical help until you actually die,
 but there are exceptions to this (that have been pointed out in the text).
 Common drugs:
    Cyanide (HCN?)
       Dosage:    50 mg Hydrogen Cyanide gas, 200-300 mg Cyanide salts
       Time:      seconds for HC, minutes Cs (empty stomach) hours (full s)
       Available: very difficult to get hold of
       Certainty: very certain
       Notes:     It helps to have an empty stomach (since the salts react
                  with the stomach acids to form H.C.). A full stomach can
                  delay death for up to four hours with the salts. Antidotes
                  to cyanide poisoning exist, but they have serious side
                  effects (they precipitate cyanide and similarly shaped
                  molecules from the blood stream. This frequently blocks
                  blood supply into toes, ears... so you could lose
                  one or two if you are "rescued"). What you can do, is
                  instead of taking the salts directly, drop 500mg or so
                  into a strong acid, and inhale the fumes. This will be
                  pure Hydrogen Cyanide, and you should die in 10 to 20
                  seconds.
                  The following is something I saw on the net:
                  "Hydrocyanic acid is one of the most poisonous substances
                  known; the inhalation of its fumes in high concentration
                  will cause almost immediate death. Hydrogen cyanide acts
                  by preventing the normal process of tissue oxidation
                  and paralyzing the respiratory center in the brain. Most
                  of the accidental cases are due to inhaling the fumes
                  during a fumigating process. In the pure state it kills
                  with great rapidity. Crystalline cyanides, such as
                  potassium or sodium cyanide are equally poisonous, since
                  they interact with the hydrochloric acid in the stomach
                  to liberate hydrocyanic acid. This poison has been used
                  for both homicide and suicide; in recent history, a
                  number of European Political figures carried vials of
                  cyanide salt for emergency self-destruction aand some
                  used them. Death resulted from amounts of only a
                  fraction of a gram. A concentration of 1 part in 500 of
                  hydrogen cyanide gas is fatal. Allowable working concen-
                  tration in most of the United States is 20 ppm. Two and
                  one-half grains of liquid acid has killed. The acid acts
                  fatally in about 15 minutes. The cyanide salts kill in
                  several hours. The average dose of the solution is 0.1 cc.
                  Since this is an extremely rapid poison, rapid action is
                  necessary. Occasionally the victim may make a few voluntary
                  actions before death results or alarming symptoms set in.
                  Death results from paralysis of the respiration. When a
                  smaller dose is taken the symptoms are diziness, headache,
                  and shortness of breath followed by convulsions, coma,
                  and collapse.
                  If amyl nitrate is available, have the victim inhale it
                  immediately for 20 seconds. Have the victim swallow 2
                  tablespoonfuls of hydrogen peroxide. Have the victim
                  inhale ammonia. Administer oxygen."
                  [ed - cure sounds pretty bad.. drink bleach?? yuk]
    Aspirin (acetylsalicylic acid?)
       Dosage:    20-30+ grammes (too many cause vomitting)
       Time:      hours to days, variable
       Available: easy to get hold of (get soluble ones, & dissolve them)
       Certainty: unreliable
       Notes:     Not recommended, fatal dose varies wildly, could cause
                  liver & kidney damage instead of death. OD causes strange
                  noises in your ears (like a video arcade) & projectile
                  vomiting after about 10 hours. Medical help generally
                  effective, so stay out of hospital for a couple of days.
                  May cause bleeding in your stomach/upper intestines.
                  Take with sodium bicarbinate (eg, bicarb. of soda), which
                  speeds up the absorbtion (sp?) significantly.
    Paracetamol (aka acet[a|yl]minopren / tylenol)
       Dosage:    15+ grammes, 20+ is better
       Time:      10 hours fatal damage, but 2 weeks to actually die
       Available: easy to get hold of
       Certainty: fairly reliable
       Notes:     Once 10-12 hours is up, you've had it, but you still live
                  for a week or two after that. Probably better to wait 15
                  hours just to make sure. Horrible side effects
                  during this time (some of which are: acute toxic hepatitis,
                  renal failure, cerebral oedema, intra-abdominal bleeding,
                  aspiration pneumonia, haemophilia). Too small dose causes
                  severe liver damage. Accidental deaths are very common.
    Sleeping tablets (don't know what kinds)
       Dosage:    50+???
       Time:      unconsious in minutes, coma for hours or day,
                  death day or two. May survive coma.
       Available: needs to be prescribed (in UK at any rate)
       Certainty: semi-reliable, need to get dosage right
                  very reliable with plastic bag and rubber band
       Notes:     I don't have enough information about these. Combine
                  with an airtight plastic bag, and a rubber band to
                  get a very effective method. Also combine with half a
                  bottle of whisky, it helps.
                  May be quicker if you open up the capsules, and dissolve
                  the contents in water. May also mean that you won't puke
                  and lose the drug.
                  One of the teachers at my old school used barbiturates &
                  alcohol, they found her body in the morning.
    Alcohol (spirits preferably, your choice)
       Dosage:    1/2 litre vodka?, similar. Varies from person to person.
       Time:      about 8 hours
       Available: good
       Certainty: unreliable
       Notes:     will cause liver and kidney damage if 'rescued'
                  before death. Drink it all at the same time, quickly
                  as possible. Dosage is questionable, I don't have
                  any figures. Taking the spirits as an enema is supposed
                  to be a very quick way of absorbing alcohol, but a less
                  unpleasant way is to inject it. The dosage it takes to
                  kill you depends on whether you drink normally, the
                  state of your liver, whether you pass out on your back
                  or not (and probably also the phase of the moon!).
                  The following is from sci.med (on USENET):
                  "The fatal dose of pure alcohol in an average adult is
                  300-400 mL (750-1000 mL of 40% alcohol) if consumed in
                  less than one hour. Apart from the effects of overdosage,
                  death after alcohol consumption can occur as a result of
                  choking on vomit while unconscious. I don't believe any
                  permanent damage occured in the above case [ed - the poster
                  was talking about a specific case of a single very heavy
                  drinking session]. Consequences such as liver damage occur
                  after chronic consumption."
    Water
       Dosage:    gallons of the stuff (14 litres mentioned)
       Time:      12 hours or so?
       Available: always available unless you're in Kuwait.
       Certainty: so-so (not certain about this)
       Notes:     works by washing out the salts in your body, until
                  the cells fail (osmotic balance buggered up). You need
                  to keep drinking continually until you collapse. Unusual
                  method. Someone suggested it would also cause cramps.
                  The following is something from A.S.H., Dec. 1990.
                  "About a year ago a local newspaper carried a story about
                  a woman who had drunk herself to death. Apparently she
                  had injested something mildly poisonous, and when she
                  called her doctor asking him what to do, he told her to
                  drink lots of water and see him in the morning. She
                  got to it and managed to drink no less than 14 litres of
                  water before the osmotic balance in her body was so upset
                  it could no longer function and she died (don't know how
                  quickly)".
    Bleach and other corrosives
       Dosage:    A bottle (litre or half litre)
       Time:      Hours/days
       Available: Easily available
       Certainty: Uncertain
       Notes:     Bloody painful - depends on your stomach getting
                  corroded, the stomach acids escaping, and doing their
                  dirty work in your vital organs. Not really my cup of
                  tea...
    Insulin (injected)
       Dosage:    No idea
       Time:      Probably quite quickly into coma
       Available: Difficult to get hold of unless you're a diabetic
                  or a vet
       Certainty: Very certain if dose is high enough & not discovered
       Notes:     Supposed to be quite pleasant (eg insulin shock
                  treatments used for some psychiatric condition).
    Petrol (in lungs/injected)
       Dosage:    "A Thimble-full" -20 ml?
       Time:      Seconds/minutes
       Available: Common
       Certainty: I'm not sure of the dosage, but fairly certain if
                  correct
       Notes:     Can also use LPG (propane/butane) on skin surface (since
                  these are light enough to go through the skin). Stick your
                  hand in a bucket of propane and see how many seconds you
                  last...
    Oil of Wintergreen/Methyl Salicylate (in lungs/injected)
       Dosage:    Probably similar to petrol (20 ml)
       Time:      Don't know
       Available: Not available in concentration
       Certainty: Don't know
       Notes:     Don't have enough information on this one to be able
                  to say anything about it.
    Carbon Monoxide
       Dosage:    5% concentration or so?
       Time:      Minutes to hours depending on concentration
       Available: You get it out of a car exhaust, you used to be able
                  to use "town gas" (eg, stick your head in the cooker)
                  but this is no longer available
       Certainty: Fairly certain, as long as you aren't "rescued"
       Notes:     Causes brain damage.
    Malathon (insecticide)
       Dosage:    A bottle (?)
       Time:      2 to 3 hours
       Available: From a large garden centre or DIY shop
       Certainty: probable, given correct dosage
       Notes:     Drink undiluted, shake bottle first since it settles.
                  it causes diarhoea after about half an hour.
    Caffiene
       Dosage:    20 grammes
       Time:      not known
       Available: Caffiene tablets available in Chemist shops
       Certainty: don't know
       Notes:     I don't know very much about this.
    Nitrogen gas (or other inert gas)
       Dosage:    Several litres uncompressed is minimum
       Time:      Minutes
       Available: Try plumber, or welding supplies company
       Certainty: Certain
       Notes:     This is really a form of asphyxiation, (see later),
                  but is particularly good since you don't experience
                  the lack of oxygen (what people really experience is
                  the EXCESS of carbon dioxide).
    Potassium Chloride (injected in solution) / KCl
       Dosage:    not known (try 20cc injection of strong solution)
       Time:      Seconds to minutes
       Available: Widely available
       Certainty: Certain given correct dosage
       Notes:     Causes heart attack (which is painful). May be difficult
                  for coroner to realise it was suicide rather than a
                  natural heart attack. An excess of K+ in the blood
                  interferes with nerve signals, and stops muscles and
                  nerves from working. So when it reaches your heart, the
                  heart stops. Interesting to see what happens if you inject
                  it into your carotid artery, if it stops nervous tissue
                  from working.
    Rat poison (Warfarin)
       Dosage:    not known
       Time:      Hours to terminal damage, days to actual death
       Available: Available
       Certainty: Certain given suffient dosage
       Notes:     This is one of the truly unpleasant poisons, along with
                  Paracetamol/Acetylminopren. I think it causes cerebral
                  haemorage (rat poison works by giving the unfortunate rat
                  haemophillia). Doctors can't do anything about it, they
                  just leave you to die in agony on an intensive care ward.
    Chlorine gas
       Dosage:    not known - but probably sufficient generated in suggested
                  method
       Time:      not known
       Available: Get about 4 litres of concentrated bleach, and the same
                  of ammonia
       Certainty: Good
       Notes:     This was used in the first world war in the trenches, so
                  it's got to be effective. You go into a small room, block
                  off all the ventilation, and pour the bleach and ammonia
                  into a bucket. This produces chlorine, you breath it in,
                  and hey presto! I suspect that this is quite painful,
                  if you are "rescued" there is a danger of either lung
                  damage, or a slow lingering death.
    Digitalis (Foxglove extract?)
       Dosage:    not known
       Time:      Probably minutes
       Available: Do foxgloves grow in your area?
       Certainty: probably good given sufficient dosage
       Notes:     Gives you a heart-attack. UNDETECTABLE after death, so
                  if you don't want to let your friends/relatives to know
                  that your death was a suicide use this. I don't know
                  how to extract digitalis from foxglove, nor do I know
                  what the dosage is. Heart attacks are painful, but the
                  advantages in using an undetectable method make this
                  very attractive.
    Colchicine (Acetyltrimethylcolchicinic acid)
       Dosage:    7 mg to 60 mg
       Time:      symptoms in about 4 hours, death in about 4 days
       Available: Easily available (from large garden centre)
       Certainty: certain
       Notes:     From the Autumn crocus (Colchicum Autumnale) /
                  royal lily (Gloriosa Superba). One flower of CA is
                  about 12 mg, so take at least five of them. 20g tuber
                  of GS provides 60mg, single seed of CA provides 3.5mg
                  (so take 18). Damages blood vessels and nerves, and
                  stops cell division. Don't know whether its painful or
                  not, but that bit about damaging nerves is worrying.
                  Best thing about this one is the name of the acid!
    Nicotine (yep - distilled fags!)
       Dosage:    extract from 100g tabacco   (possibly 150mg pure)
       Time:      not known  (possibly several seconds for 150mg pure)
       Available: Easily available
       Certainty: not known
       Notes:     Soak 100 grammes of tabacco for a few days. You get a
                  brown mess. Strain off the tabacco, then simmer slowly
                  until most of the liquid has gone, leaving about 2
                  teaspoons of brown treacle-like stuff. Add it to your
                  night-time drink, and never wake up. Someone said the
                  other day that 150mg of pure nicotine would be fatal in
                  seconds.
    Hydrazine
       Dosage:    As produced by reaction
       Time:      Not known, fortnight?
       Available: Bottle of bleach & bottle of ammonia
       Certainty: not known
       Notes:     Something quoted verbatim from the net:
                  "This is no joke, Dale.  Several years ago at my high
                  school, one of the janitors innocently mixed together
                  half a bottle of bleach with half a bottle of of ammonia
                  in a small closet where the cleaning fluids were kept.
                  He passed out due to the hydrazine (not chlorine) gas
                  released in the reaction between the two chemicals. This
                  man was in agony for two weeks in an intensive care unit
                  in a local hospital with the majority of the inside
                  surface of his lungs damaged and untreatable before
                  he got lucky and died."
                  [ed - one of the more nasty methods]
    Cocaine
       Dosage:    1 ounce (don't know what that is in real weights..)
       Time:      2 to 3 hours?
       Available: Difficult
       Certainty: not known
       Notes:     Read something in a newspaper... a coke dealer died
                  after eating an ounce of it, when the police raided
                  his house. Cause of death was a cardiac arrest 2 1/2
                  hours after the overdose.

3. JUMPING OFF BUILDINGS

 Time:      Instantanious if you are lucky, minutes/hours otherwise
 Available: You need ten stories or higher, and access to the top floor
            windows/roof. Bring a bolt cutter to get onto the roof
 Certainty: 90% for 6 stories, increasing after that
 Notes:     Difficult to overcome fear of heights, many people can't do it.
            Totally painless if high enough, but very frightening.
            Easily discovered if seen on/near roof/windows. Access fairly
            easy in a city, otherwise difficult. Risk of spending the
            rest of your life in a wheelchair. Ever tried killing yourself
            if you are paralysed from the neck down? Email conversations
            suggest 10+ stories works ALMOST all of the time. Try to land
            on concrete. Quote - "9 out of 10 people who fall 6 stories
            will die"

4. SLITTING WRISTS OR OTHER (pathetic)

 Time:      Minutes if major artery cut, eternity otherwise
 Available: You really need a razor sharp knife. Razors are pretty tricky
            to hold when they are covered with blood
 Certainty: Uncertain if you cut an artery, highly improbable otherwise
 Notes:     Painful at first. Danger of discovery. This is a very common
            suicide 'gesture' and hardly ever results in anything other
            than a scar. A lot of will power required to cut deeply into
            groin or carotid arteries, which are the only ones likely to
            kill you. Don't bother with this method. Cutting your throat
            is difficult due to the fact that the carotid arteries
            are protected by your windpipe (feel where your arteries are
            with your fingertips, & slice from the side). I've seen photos
            of people who have used this method - the depth of the cut
            required is amazing. If you want to cut your wrists, cut along
            the blue line (vein) on the underside of your wrist, but cut
            deeply so that the artery underneath is exposed. Cut this
            lengthways with a razor or similar.

5. BULLET

 Time:      Microseconds unless you are unlucky (mins/hours)
 Available: Difficult in UK, easier in USA (get a shotgun)
 Certainty: Certain
 Notes:     Painless if worked, otherwise painful & brain damage.
            Danger of discovery of weapon or ammunition.
            Not at all common in UK, more common in USA where guns
            available. Brain damage & other effects if you survive.
            Death either instantaneous, or prolonged.
            Lots of will power needed to fire gun ('hesitation marks'
            are bullets/pellets embedded in the wall, when you jerk
            the gun as you fire). Bullet can miss vital parts in skull,
            deflect off skull.
            NOTE, fill mouth with water, aim about 45 degrees from
            vertical, this is reliable* since shockwave from water will
            kill instantly.
            *NOTE, several people have suggested that this is unreliable.
            See "Shotgun" below (since much more effective).
            Ammunition to use is: .458 Winchester Magnum, or soft-point
            slugs with .44 Magnum. Also you could use a sabot round, which
            is a plastic wedge with a smaller thing in it. These rounds are
            rather overkill, the phrase "elephant gun" has been used about
            the .458 Winchester, but if you're going to go, do it with
            a bang

6. ASPHYXIATION

 Time:      5 mins to unconciousness, 10+ mins to brain death
 Available: Anywhere there's a rope and something solid to tie it to
 Certainty: Certain, if yoou don't get "rescued"
 Notes:     Panic reaction is very likely (unless inert gasses used).
            One of the most effective and most used methods of suicide.
            Probable brain damage if you are "rescued".
            NOTE, this can only really be done in two ways: firstly,
            when you are unconsious (eg, sleeping pills), or secondly,
            by hanging. Combining with pure inert gasses is a very good
            suggestion. See "Nitrogen" in the poisons section

7. AIR IN VEINS (basically just a myth)

 Time:      Eternity
 Available: Plenty of air about... Need a hypodermic & syringe
 Certainty: Almost zero (you might catch something from the needle)
 Notes:     This doesn't work, unless you inject absolutely massive
            amounts of air (it all goes out of the lungs). Myth caused
            by the way that doctors squirt a syringe before using it to
            get rid of contaminants. If you have to try it, go for the
            carotid artery, since this goes to the brain. If you want
            a heart attack, you will have to inject something on the order
            of 20-50ml every heart-beat (these are ball-park figures) for
            several heart beats. Good luck

8. DECAPITATION

 Time:      Couple of seconds before conciousness fades
 Available: Happen to have a train line nearby? Or a guillotine perhaps?
 Certainty: Very certain, unless you pull away just before
 Notes:     See "jumping in front of trains". May be difficult to stop
            pulling your head out of the way - OD on sleeping tablets
            first

9. DISEMBOWELMENT (aka seppuku/hara kiri)

 Time:      Minutes
 Available: Got a nice razor-sharp sword?
 Certainty: Fairly certain, assuming that you managed to gut yourself
            properly before passing out with the agony
 Notes:     Painful, even the Samurai used a 'second' to decapitate them
            at the appropriate point, so don't expect to do much more than
            give yourself peritonitis. Trendy for insane martial arts
            fanatics and gay Japanese poets called Mishima.

10. DROWNING

 Time:      Minutes (usually 5 mins, but up to 20 mins in cold water)
 Available: Anywhere there's deep water in a remote spot
 Certainty: Good, just make sure you sink & can't swim
 Notes:     Put stones in your pockets, tie your legs & hands together,
            and hop into the lake.. bit of a shock to the fisherman who
            finds your rotting corpse stuck in his brand new net.

11. ELECTROCUTION

 Time:      Seconds / minutes
 Available: Anywhere with high-tension, high-current lines & a good earth
 Certainty: Somewhat dependant on luck & how much power goes through you
 Notes:     Don't bother with 110 or 240 volt mains, its just not enough.
            Some people do get killed with household electricity, but only
            after several minutes. Use high tension lines, stand in bare
            feet on waterlogged ground (better still, but a piece of THICK
            copper cable into the nearest river). Works best if current
            path travels through your head, or through the heart. Just
            burns you badly otherwise.

12. EXPLOSIVES

 Time:      10 milliseconds, or similar (!)
 Available: Difficult to get hold of detonator & good explosives
 Certainty: Certain if detonator works properly
 Notes:     DON'T USE GUNPOWDER or other 'slow' explosives (eg,
            homemade explosives). Use dynamite or 'Plastique', strap
            it to your forehead with the detonator, and BOOM! The main
            problem is with getting hold of high explosives (I know the
            recipe for Nitro-Glycerine, but home manufacture is extremely
            risky, and the product is unstable). If you can get a grenade,
            use it, it's probably the best way of doing this one.

13. FREEZING TO DEATH

 Time:      several hours (15 minutes in very cold water)
 Available: Got a large chest freezer? Is the outside temp < -10 degrees?
 Certainty: good if you don't get found
 Notes:     Soak your cloths in water, get into freezer / outside
            somewhere where you won't be found. Helps to get pissed
            first - drink yourself silly. If you are near a very
            cold supply of water (eg, the North Sea, or similar) which is
            close to zero degrees, this is particularly good, since the
            average lifespan of someone in the water is 15 minutes.

14. JUMPING IN FRONT OF TRAINS

 Time:      Seconds (or hours if unlucky)
 Available: Anywhere near a HIGH-SPEED railway line
 Certainty: Depends on your timing & speed of train. Go for decapitation
 Notes:     Probably better to put your neck on the line, since a glancing
            blow would probably break your spine (& cripple you). High
            speed trains need a kilometer to stop, so find a blind corner.
            A friend's cousin did this, worked well.

15. SELF-IMMOLATION

 Time:      Seconds to days
 Available: Anywhere you can get petrol & a match
 Certainty: good as long as you are far away from medical help
 Notes:     bloody painful - one of the most agonising ways to die.
            If you do survive, you will be disfigured for the rest
            of your life.
            Try mixing the petrol with an explosive like TNT or NG,
            this will make it burn MUCH quicker, even if the explosive
            is very dilute. My Dad worked at a dynamite factory, and knew
            someone who used to put TNT into his car (1 teaspoon per
            gallon). It burned out the engine in a couple of months.

16. STARVING TO DEATH

 Time:      Typically a month, although depends on your health to
            start with, and how much fat is available
 Available: Anywhere where you can't be force-fed
 Certainty: Certain as long as you never get any medical help (this is
            trickier than it sounds)
 Notes:     Supposed to be easier after the first couple of days, since
            your appetite goes. In a UK prison, you can't be force-fed
            unless you give permission first, or are diagnosed insane,
            but I don't know whether this is the same in other countries.
            Beware - relatives might give permission on your behalf if you
            are unconsious.

17. DRIVING INTO BRIDGE SUPPORT AT 100 MPH

 Time:      Hopefully instantanious
 Available: Fast car, motorway, unprotected bridge....
 Certainty: So-so, put a couple of cans of petrol on the passenger seat to
            make it certain, & USE YOUR SEATBELT
 Notes:     Bridges are usually protected in the UK, don't know about USA.
            Avoid being thrown out of the car by using the seatbelt, and
            put petrol (in cans or just splashed about) near to the driver's
            seat just to make certain.

18. SHOTGUN

 Time:      Instantanious if you are lucky
 Available: Difficult in UK, easier in USA (due to gun laws)
 Certainty: Fairly certain
 Notes:     12-gauge shotgun with 3 inch Magnum shells with #2 to #000
            buckshot. See "Bullet" for other points. This is the recommended
            way to die by firearm. Apparently the shells suggested here
            are "extreme overkill", but thats the point really...

19. ENLIST (silly)

 Time:      Jan 15 or later
 Available: Just pop down to the local army office & sign on as a squaddie
 Certainty: Be a "hero". Life expectancy in a battle is 20 minutes
 Notes:     I don't think this is an entirely serious suggestion,
            particularly since only 10% ever see the front line, and only
            a few of those ever see combat.

20. PENCILS UP YOUR NOSE, BANG DOWN ONTO TABLE

 Time:      Seconds or never
 Available: All you need is a couple of sharp pencils and a table
 Certainty: Very uncertain
 Notes:     This is a myth, I think, since the pencils would go into your
            frontal lobes, which are basically optional! This is the
            legendary "exam suicide". Fine if you want a DIY frontal-
            lobotomy rather than death!

21. GETTING SOMEONE TO MURDER YOU

 Time:      Depends on method used
 Available: Know any murderous psychopaths? No, not the tax people...
 Certainty: Depends on method used, & dedication of murderer
 Notes:     Forget it. Unless you contract someone to do it, the chances
            are that you are going to wake up in hospital without your
            wallet. If you do contract someone, how are you going to pay
            them? Can't take them to court for running off with your
            money and not doing the job.

22. MAKE YOURSELF INTO AN H-BOMB (another silly one)

 Time:      Speed of light over 1/2 metre (couple of nanoseconds)
 Available: Nuke (fission OR fusion), 10 litres of heavy water
 Certainty: 100%
 Notes:     Drink the heavy water for several days, strap yourself to
            the nuke, and press the button. If you retained a couple of
            litres of the heavy water, the additional yield should be
            .02 * c^2 (joules?). The problem here is getting hold of the
            nuke without anyone noticing. If you are discovered before you
            trigger the gadget, the city authorities are liable to be
            somewhat irate. Also heavy water is a poison, so you might not
            survive that long anyway.

23. MICROMACHINES/NANOCOMPUTERS (science fiction)

 Time:      years or a fraction of a second - depends how you look at it
 Available: in 50 years time?
 Certainty: Good assuming that the technology is developed
 Notes:     Basically, this involves a 'replicator' panel. You program it
            to replicate yourself, simplifying very slightly, with the
            exception of the urge to use this technique. After a while, you
            turn into a mindless zombie, trudging around from the exit of
            the machine to the entrance, for eternity. Strange philosophical
            implications.

24. SCUBA-DIVING (various fatal 'accidents')

 Time:      see notes -most are minutes/hours
 Available: scuba diving gear, nobody around
 Certainty: see notes
 Notes:     The first method is to rise 30 metres or so without releasing
            your breath. Assuming that you can do it, it should cause your
            lungs to burst. The second is the bends - stay under long enough
            for the nitrogen to dissolve (30 metres for 30 minutes). go up
            rapidly without decompression time. This is unreliable, and
            may cause brain / joint damage. The third way is Carbon Monoxide
            poisoning - fill your tank with it, and stay away from other
            divers. You will fall asleep fairly quickly. See CO in poisons
            section. The final way is oxygen narcosis - however, this means
            that you have to go very deep with an oxygen-rich mix, and
            there are problems associated with that. The advantage of these
            methods is that insurance companies / relatives will assume that
            it was an accident ('misadventure'), with the possible exception
            of the CO poisoning.
            The source of this follows: (from the net)
            "Rising 30m without exhaling will usually result in an over
            pressured lung, possible subcuteaneous emphazema, collapsed
            lung, death usually from drowning in your own blood. Rather
            painful and usually curable if you are rescued, but fair chance
            of dying if you aren't.
            Building up a high residual nitrogen time (say 30m for 30 min)
            then coming up without decompressing will get you bent fairly
            nicely. You don't feel much, but your joints tend to start
            stiffening up after half an hour. Death is very uncertain,
            coming from a stroke. Brain damage, joint damage etc are most
            likely. Pobably can be recued but some damage certain.
            Oxygen poisoning, going down 50+m until the partial pressure of
            the oxygen reaches a toxic level. Difficult to accomplish, very
            painful to get down that deep, cold pressure etc, possibility
            of nitrogen narcosis and forgetting what you are doing. Probably
            get bent, good chance of rescue.
            CO poisoning, mix a healthy batch of carbon monoxide in your
            tank as you dive, you tend to go to sleep under water, when
            combined with the above methods you have a pretty good winner,
            don't forget to forget your BCD."
            [ed - whats a BCD?]

25. SUCKING YOUR BRAINS OUT

 Time:      Minutes
 Available: You'd need a Puma (TM) robot, & some other bits
 Certainty: certain, given proper programming
 Notes:     You would need an industrial robot to do this properly. Give
            it a saw attachment, a sucking tube attachment, and program
            it. Make a head restraint. When you are fixed securely into
            the restraint, start the robot's program. It will drill a hole
            in your head, and stick the tube into the hole. Program it to
            wiggle the tube back and forth so that it doesn't miss anything.
            This might work better if you put a stream of water into the
            hole as well, so that the sucking attachment doesn't just suck
            air all the time. Debugging the program could be amusing.

26. MICROWAVES

 Time:      ?
 Available: Source of strong microwave emissions
 Certainty: ?
 Notes:     ?

27. DEHYDRATION

 Time:      a week or so.
 Available: you need to be able to stop medical help.
 Certainty: certain if your will-power stands up to it.
 Notes:     Don't eat or drink. Remember that food contains a high
            proportion of water. Avoiding medical help can be difficult.

28. SKYDIVING 'ACCIDENT'

 Time:      pretty damn quick.
 Available: need to join a skydiving club.
 Certainty: certain.
 Notes:     Join a skydiving club, continue to practise it for a while to
            clear off all suspicions and then once pack your parachute in
            a real mess (preferably knotted up, but not too clearly) and
            then jump. The para will not open and you will reach a terminal
            velocity of 220 km/h (160 mph/120 kn). Death is instant in the
            impact with the Planet Earth.
            This has the advantages of being 'accidental', and your family/
            friends do not have the additional pain and guilt associated
            with suicides.

29. DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS; MODERN VERSION

 Time:      variable
 Available: a heck of a lot of razor-wire.. maybe a high-voltage supply
 Certainty: not very good
 Notes:     This is a modern variant of the Arabic 'Death of a thousand
            cuts'. Basically, jump onto a stack of unravelled razor wire,
            and roll around till you die.. it may help to connect a high-
            voltage, low current power supply to the wire, so that you have
            spasms, which should keep you getting cut even when you are
            unconscious. Also, you should make sure that you can't roll off
            the wire.

30. CRUSHING

 Time:      seconds to minutes, depends on car press
 Available: a car press.. any good junkyard
 Certainty: certain as long as you can't escape
 Notes:     This is an elegantly simple one.. get into a car, in a car
            press, and shortly afterwards be squashed to death as your
            body is converted into a red pulp. It may be tricky getting
            the press to trigger, but if you hide in the car someone
            may come along and activate it. There are other ways of
            getting crushed, this just happens to be the most effective
            I can think up on the spur of the moment. Getting yourself
            run over by a fully loaded articulated lorry is quite good.
            You should remember that people quite often survive the actual
            crushing; they die when the weight is taken OFF them.

31. WORLD WAR THREE

 Time:      moments if you are near a militarilly significant site
 Available: happen to be one of the 'key-holders'? president maybe?
 Certainty: pretty certain
 Notes:     All you have to do is trigger world war three. Fire an ICBM
            or three at the Chinese and the Russians... This method has
            the advantage that you take everyone else with you! Trouble
            is, the number of people with the requisite access is minimal,
            and I sort of doubt that any readers of ASH can do this.

32. HEATSTROKE

 Time:      4 hours or more
 Available: Very hot day; no disturbance from neighbours etc
 Certainty: depends on the weather
 Notes:     Basically, the point is to give yourself extreme heatstroke.
            You should pass out after a few hours. Use some aluminium foil
            to direct the sun's heat onto you, to speed up the process
            a bit. Try to reduce the chance of being interuppted, take off
            the phone etc. Obviously, start in the morning! Helps if the
            outside temperature is >100F.

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