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Newsgroups: alt.quotations From: noel@reg.triumf.ca (NOEL GIFFIN) Subject: Malapropes, mixed metaphor, Spoonerisms, etc Date: 1 Feb 1993 19:11 PST Organization: TRIUMF: Tri-University Meson Facility Message-ID: 1FEB199319112050@reg.triumf.ca Keywords: malapropes, mixed metaphor, spoonerism Lines: 211

Well I have been collecting these screwed up expressions for a number of years now and it has become an interesting list. They are all uttered by one of my co-workers. He has achieved legend status within our group and it has become a game to pick up on the next fractured phrase. They are all malapropes, mixed metaphor, spoonerisms or some twist of this kind. I think he is an unconscious genious. We catch ourselves uttering our own now and don't know whether they are a universal plague on the language or he has affected only his immediate surroundings. There have been lot's we've missed I'm sure, but here is a short list of his best one's. They are in no order except a loose chronological one. I have placed translations beside them to lend some aid in understanding when taken out of context.

I post them here for your enjoyment.
					
								Noel@reg.triumf.ca

                              T. P. MOSKVEN'S "SEMITICS"

     MOSKVENESE                      |                ENGLISH 
 (What he said)                      |             What he meant

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    MOVIE MONGUL                     |        MOVIE MOGUL

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    THE SITCOM SATELLITE             |        SATCOM SATELLITE

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    GETTING SEDIMENTARY              |        SEDENTARY

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    OBNOXIOUS GAS                    |        NOXIOUS GAS

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    GROPER                           |        GROUPER (fish)

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    ART DECOR                        |        ART DECO

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    THE "CLOVERLEAF" IS THE          |        "SHAMROCK"/ "POTATOE"
    VEGETABLE OF IRELAND             |          SYMBOL/ STAPLE

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     SHEET METAL MUSIC               |        SHEET MUSIC / 
                                     |       HEAVY METAL MUSIC

——————————————————————————–

     JACOB'S SHIRT OF MANY COLOURS   |        JOSEPH'S COAT ...

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     MALAMUTT                        |        MALAMUTE

——————————————————————————–

     OLD GIZZARDS                    |        BUZZARDS/GEEZERS

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     THE MOVIE "REAR VIEW MIRROR"    |        HITCHCOCK'S "REAR WINDOW"

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     A SESAME SEED PHONE             |        SESAME STREET PHONE

——————————————————————————–

     3 OF 1, 2 OF THE OTHER          |        6 OF 1, HALF A DOZEN...

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     DEAD MAN'S SPACE                |        NO MAN'S LAND

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     ARMCHAIR CASE                   |        BASKET CASE

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     OUT OF MIND, OUT OF SIGHT       |        OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND

——————————————————————————–

     KLUTZOMANIAC                    |        AN INEPT PERSON

——————————————————————————–

     THE "PIAF" SEWING MACHINE       |        A "PFAFF" or a "SINGER"

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     COMMUTING WITH NATURE           |        COMMUNING WITH NATURE

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     POPULAR TREE                    |        POPLAR TREE

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     LAUGHING AT THE BANK            |   LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE ...

——————————————————————————–

     THE BATTLE OF RUNAMOCK          |        THE BATTLE OF TIPPACANOE

——————————————————————————–

     HE'S GOT IT DOWN PITTER PAT     |        GOT IT DOWN PAT

——————————————————————————–

  HITCH-HIKING IN EUROPE IS RISQUE   |        RISKY

——————————————————————————–

     THAT'S A HAIRBALL IDEA          |        HAIRBRAINED IDEA

——————————————————————————–

     NORWEDISH                       |        SWEDIEGIAN (Scandanavian)

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     HE SMOKES LIKE A FISH           | ...LIKE A CHIMNEY / DRINKS LIKE ...

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     THAT JUST GOES WITHOUT REASON   |        GOES WITHOUT SAYING

——————————————————————————–

     HE WOULDN'T GIVE YOU THE        |        .... THE TIME OF DAY 
        LIGHT OF DAY                 |

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     MY JACKET FITS LIKE A MATCH     |        IT FITS LIKE A GLOVE

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     YOU BUY WHAT YOU PAY FOR        |     YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR

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     YOU BUY WHAT YOU GET            |              "  "    "   "

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     WHATEVER GRINDS YOUR CRANK      |     WHATEVER TURNS YOUR CRANK

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     COUNT PEOPLE WITH A TURNBUCKLE  |        A TURNSTYLE

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     USING AN ANTIDEODERANT          |       AN ANTIPERSPIRANT

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     ROUGHRIDERS IN THE SKY          |      THE SONG, "GHOST RIDERS ..."

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     GARNISH HIS WAGES               |        GARNISHEE HIS WAGES

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     PUT THE FLOOR TO THE METAL /    |        PUT THE PEDAL TO THE METAL
     PUT THE METAL TO THE PEDAL      |         "   "    "   "   "    "

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     I'LL FIX HIS SHORTS             |        FIX HIS WAGON

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     THAT BEATS THE CAKE             |        THAT TAKES THE CAKE

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     GOSSIPING BITTERSNIPE           |        GUTTERSNIPE

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     APROXAMINUS ONE OR TWO          |      PLUS OR MINUS ONE OR TWO

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     A BURJELEAUX                    |   A BURGUNDY,BEAUJELAIS,BORDEAUX

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 SOMEONE WITH A DARK VOICE           |           A DEEP VOICE

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 DON'T KNOCK TILL YOU TRY IT         |    DON'T KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT!

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 A WHOLE RIFF-RAFF OF STUFF          |       A WHOLE RAFT OF THINGS

——————————————————————————–

      A BRANDY SNIFFER               |          A BRANDY SNIFTER

——————————————————————————–

 THE COLONEL BOOGIE MARCH            |      THE COLONEL BOGEY MARCH

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THAT'S A REAL PILE OF CROCK          |     THAT'S A CROCK OF ....

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      HYDROGLYPHICS                  |        HYRAGLYPHICS

——————————————————————————–

  EATING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL        |   SPEAKING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL

——————————————————————————–

  IT'S AN ACQUIRED SMELL             |      AN AQUIRED TASTE

——————————————————————————–

  LIKE AN OFFSIDE CARTOON            |      LARSON'S FARSIDE CARTOONS

——————————————————————————–

   DON'T RUFFLE THE BOAT             |     DON'T ROCK THE BOAT / 
                                     |    RUFFLE HIS FEATHERS

——————————————————————————–

 NO USE BEATING DEAD WOOD            |     NO USE BEATING A DEAD HORSE

——————————————————————————–

      THROW IN THE HAT               |      THROW IN THE TOWEL / 
                                     |    THROW YOUR HAT IN THE RING

——————————————————————————–

     RIDING MISS DAISY               |      DRIVING MISS DAISY (x-rated?)

——————————————————————————–

    CUTTING OUT THE DRIFTWOOD        |      CUTTING OUT THE DEADWOOD

——————————————————————————– FEELING A LITTLE SPERKY THIS MORNING | FEELING PERKY, SPUNKY

THE MOVIE "TWO LEFT FEET"            |       "MY LEFT FOOT"

——————————————————————————–

SHORT MAN ON A TOTEM POLE            |   LOW MAN ON A TOTEM POLE

——————————————————————————–

THE CLUB SCOUTS OF AMERICA           |       CUB SCOUTS/ BOYS CLUB...

——————————————————————————–

  THE GOVERNMENT WILL QUAKE IN       |     ... CAVE IN   (LANDSLIDE?)

——————————————————————————–

    KARRAMESH                        |           MARRAKESH

——————————————————————————–

  TRYING TO BLAME THE FINGER AT ME   |   POINT THE FINGER / PUT THE BLAME

——————————————————————————–

I'LL SEE IT WHEN I BELIEVE IT!       |   SEEING IS BELIEVING/ 
                                     |   I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT

——————————————————————————–

   THE MAN FROM WINDY RIVER          |      THE MAN FROM SNOWY RIVER

——————————————————————————–

 SNORING LIKE A TROOPER              |  SWEARING LIKE A TROOPER

——————————————————————————–

  STUFF IT UP YOUR OVERCOAT          |      BUTTON UP YOUR OVERCOAT

——————————————————————————–

 THE ODDEST BALL PEOPLE              |       ODDBALL PEOPLE

——————————————————————————–

 IT WAS RIVETED WITH HOLES           |      RIDDLED WITH HOLES

——————————————————————————–

 WORST WEATHER ON RECORDED RECORD    |        WORST ON RECORD

——————————————————————————–

 HE'S GOT HIS FINGER ON THE THUMB    |   HIS FINGER ON THE PULSE OF IT/
     OF IT                           |     UNDER HIS THUMB

——————————————————————————–

PLAYING "BEGIN THE BENIGN"           |   THE SONG "BEGIN THE BEGUINE"

——————————————————————————–

STUDYING THE WRITINGS OF PLUTO       |   THE WRITINGS OF PLATO

——————————————————————————–

YOUR BARKING UP A DEAD TREE          |   BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE

——————————————————————————– PEOPLE WITHOUT LEFT HANDS DON'T | LEFT HANDED PEOPLE DON'T LIVE

      LIVE AS LONG!                  |    LIVE AS LONG

——————————————————————————– YOU CAN LOOK AT A GLANCE THAT | TELL AT A GLANCE THINGS AREN'T

     THINGS AREN'T RIGHT.            |

——————————————————————————–

MY STEREO SPEAKERS HAVE A            |     A CROSS OVER NETWORK 
    PASSOVER NETWORK                 |

——————————————————————————–

 SOLDIERS ARMED TO THE CORE          |    A ARMY CORPS ARMED TO THE TEETH

——————————————————————————–

GOING AT IT LIKE BEAVERS             |   GOING AT IT LIKE RABBITS

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 PUT YOUR AXE TO THE GRINDSTONE      |  NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE /  
                                     |     HAVE AN AXE TO GRIND

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    HE WAS HOT AS A TOAD             |   HOT AS A FIRECRACKER / 
                                     |   COLD AS A FISH / 
                                     |   COOL AS A CUCUMBER

——————————————————————————–

YOU CAN'T CHANGE AN OLD HORSE        |  YOU CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG ...

——————————————————————————–

THE EXTENSION OF THE DINOSAURS       |    EXTINCTION OF THE DINOSAURS

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     MONEY IS NO EXPENSE             |    MONEY IS NO OBJECT

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