Premier IT Outsourcing and Support Services within the UK

User Tools

Site Tools

Problem, Formatting or Query -  Send Feedback

Was this page helpful?-10+1


\\======================================================================= _ _

ow to connect \\nything to \\nything

(Alright, so I'm a sucker for weird text title graphics!)

Written with estranged pride by

The Slipped Disk

Call Milliways 10Meg/BBS/AE/CF……………………(609)-921-1994

(*) Everything you wanted to know about connecting anything (*) (Don't you hate infinitives and living up to them?)
\\======================================================================= If you aren't an idiot, You are aware that this file is called "How to connect anything to anything." This is no small task. Let's get started…. \===/ Intro /===\ What many people don't realize is that the illusion of genius can be created with little or no intelligence at all. You see, when people talk about someone being "Oh, so smart." They aren't referring in fact to his/her ACTUAL intelligence, but to their EXPOSED or ASSUMED intelligence. Let's demonstrate… Jimmy Carpenter in Butfuck, VA. His greatest technological achievement is screwing in his lightbulb. Everybody thinks he`s a complete idiot, but little Jimmy has an IQ of 145. Nobody knew. Mark Dman of Boston, MA. He hooked up his phone to his stereo to his christmas tree to his left leg. Everyone thought he was a complete genius. Everyone was a bit surprised when he got stoned (as usual) and rammed the family camaro into a 7-11 front window. These two cases (Fictional, asswipe!) in one way or another show that while not showing brains can make people seem like idiots, acting like you have brains can make people think you're a genius. Simple enough? Good! \====================================================/ The ten commandments of hooking anything to anything /====================================================\ I. Thou shalt remember that in order for anything to work, thou must have a complete circut in there somewheres. II. Thou shalt remember that there must be connections of + to -, else thou shalt look idiotic. III. Thy tool-kit must be complete and ready, for it's nasty to get shocked because thou hadt spliced wire with thy teeth. IV. Thou shalt always have an ample supply of wire at thy command, for it's aggravating to be unable to finish a project for want of two feet of wire. V. It is always divine to stick LED's in there somewheres, for flashing and multi-colored lights bring illusion of genius. VI. When working with circuts of more than 90 Volts, fuck it, for shocks are a pain in the ass. VII. If screwing with thy fone wires, be reminded that the holy repairmen look down on "independent finanglers". VIII. Never screw with something thou cannot replace. IIX. Always be sure that thou art not making irreversible changes when thou might want to put back. IX. Always set aside an ample amount of time to do thy work, for what looks simple now, might not look so simple 2 hours later when thou comes back from wherever thou came. X. Remember that if thou are hurt because of info in this file, thine holy writer takes NO responsiblity for thou being a fuck-up. \============================/ Some Examples of connections /============================\ Most parts of a connection (We'll call them components) can be separated into three different classifications: I. Powered Examples: Radio Phone TV Computer Light Tape player II. Non-powered Examples: Speakers LED Microphone Motor Screen Strobe III. Line Affections Examples: DPST switch Timer Signal Splitter Together, these different components add up to some sort of interesting connections for everyone to marvel at. Let's see how… \=======================/ Examples of connections /=======================\ To make this easier, I'll give a list of some ideas. See if you can tell what "Trick" they cause. Create some others as you wish! It's your life! Component type I Component type III Component type II >—————-< >——————< >—————-< TV Switch Stereo Phone Signal splitter TV & Stereo Phone LED Phone line Stereo Timer Phone Answering Machine Timer TV \\=========================================================================== This little dazzling bit of authorship was by The Slipped Disk.

Member of the 99th Percentile!
Look for the SlippedParodies from any good BBS, Including this one….

Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open 

/data/webs/external/dokuwiki/data/pages/archive/fun/anything.phk.txt · Last modified: 1999/11/08 09:25 (external edit)