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Getting http://www.paranoia.com/coe/e-sermons/butcher.html Butchering the Human Carcass

The Church of Euthanasia

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BUTCHERING THE HUMAN CARCASS FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION

by Bob Arson

This is a step-by-step guide on how to break down the human body from

 the full figure into serviceable choice cuts of meat. As in any field,
 there are a number of methods to the practice, and you may wish to
 view this as a set of suggestions rather than concrete rules. You will
 notice that the carving of the larger or "commercial" cuts down into
 smaller specific or "retail" cuts will be only mentioned in passing,
 and not concentrated upon. Also, the use of human fat and viscera is
 generally avoided, and left only to the most experimental chef. These
 choices, along with recipes and serving suggestions, are nearly
 infinite in variety, and we leave them to you. We've found these
 guidelines to be simple and functional, but recognize that there is
 always room for improvement and we welcome your suggestions.
 

Before getting to the main task, it must be mentioned that the

 complete rendering of the human carcass requires a fairly large amount
 of time, effort, and space. If the consumer does not wish to go
 through the ordeal of processing and storing the bulk of the entire
 animal, an easy alternative is as follows. Simply saw through one or
 both legs at the points directly below the groin and a few inches
 above the knee. Once skinned, these portions may then be cut into
 round steaks of the carver's preferred thickness, cut into fillets,  
 deboned for a roast, etc. Meat for several meals is thus readily      
 obtained without the need for gutting and the complexities of     
 preparing the entire form.
 

The human being (also referred to throughout culinary history as "long

 pig" and "hairless goat" in the case of younger specimens) is not   
 thought of as a staple food source. Observing the anatomy  
 and skeleton, one can see that the animal is neither built nor bred
 for its meat, and as such will not provide nearly as much flesh as a
 pig or cow (for example, an average 1000 pound steer breaks down to
 provide 432 pounds of saleable beef). The large central pelvis and
 broad shoulder blades also interfere with achieving perfect cuts.
 There are advantages to this however, especially due to the fact that
 the typical specimen will weigh between 100-200 pounds, easily        
 manipulated by one person with sufficient leverage.            
 

Here the caution in choosing your meal must be mentioned. It is VERY

 IMPORTANT to remember that animals raised for slaughter are kept in
 tightly controlled environments with their health and diet carefully
 maintained. Humans are not. Thus not only is the meat of each person
 of varying quality, but people are also subject to an enormous range
 of diseases, infections, chemical imbalances, and poisonous bad
 habits, all typically increasing with age. Also as an animal ages, the
 meat loses its tenderness, becoming tough and stringy. No farm animal
 is ever allowed to age for thirty years. Six to thirteen months old is
 a more common slaughtering point. You will obviously want a youthful
 but mature physically fit human in apparently good health. A certain
 amount of fat is desirable as "marbling" to add a juicy, flavorful 
 quality to the meat. We personally prefer firm caucasian females in 
 their early twenties. These are "ripe". But tastes vary, and it is a
 very large herd.
 

The butcher will need a fairly roomy space in which to work (an

 interior location is suggested), and a large table for a butcher's
 block. A central overhead support will need to be chosen or installed
 ahead of time to hang the carcass from. Large tubs or barrels for
 blood and waste trimmings should be convenient, and a water source  
 close by. Most of the work can be done with a few simple tools: sharp,
 clean short and long bladed knives, a cleaver or hatchet, and a     
 hacksaw.
 

Body Preparation: Acquiring your subject is up to you. For best

 results and health, freshness is imperative. A living human in        
 captivity is optimal, but not always available. When possible make   
 sure the animal has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of water. This   
 fasting helps flush the system, purging stored toxins and bodily    
 wastes, as well as making bleeding and cleaning easier. Under ideal 
 conditions, the specimen will then be stunned into insensitivity. 
 Sharp unexpected blows to the head are best, tranquilizers not being
 recommended as they may taint the flavor of the meat. If this is not
 possible without exciting the animal and causing a struggle (which
 will pump a greater volume of blood and secretions such as adrenaline
 throughout the body), a single bullet through the middle of the
 forehead or back of the skull will suffice.
 

Hanging: Once the animal is unconscious or dead, it is ready to be

 hoisted. Get the feet up first, then the hands, with the head down.
 This is called the "Gein configuration". Simple loops of rope may be  
 tied around the hands and feet and then attached to a crossbar or
 overhead beam. Or, by making a cut behind the Achilles tendon, a
 meathook may be inserted into each ankle for hanging support. The legs
 should be spread so that the feet are outside the shoulders, with the
 arms roughly parallel to the legs. This provides access to the pelvis,
 and keeps the arms out of the way in a ready position for removal.
 It's easiest to work if the feet are slightly above the level of the
 butcher's head.

Bleeding: Place a large open vessel beneath the animal's head. With a

 long-bladed knife, start at one corner of the jaw and make a deep   
 "ear-to-ear" cut through the neck and larynx to the opposite side.  
 This will sever the internal and external carotid arteries, the major
 blood vessels carrying blood from the heart to the head, face, and   
 brain. If the animal is not yet dead, this will kill it quickly, and
 allow for the blood to drain in any case. After the initial rush of
 blood, the stream should be controllable and can be directed into a
 receptacle. Drainage can be assisted by massaging the extremities down
 in the direction of the trunk, and by compressing and releasing,   
 "pumping", the stomach. A mature specimen will contain almost six   
 liters of blood. There is no use for this fluid, unless some source is
 waiting to use it immediately for ritual purposes. It acts as an
 emetic in most people if drunk, and it must be mentioned here that    
 because of the eternal possibility of AIDS it is recommended that for
 safety's sake all blood should be considered to be contaminated and   
 disposed of in some fashion. It is not known whether an HlV-infected
 human's flesh is dangerous even if cooked, but this is another item to
 consider when choosing a specimen, someone in the low-risk strata.

Beheading: When the bleeding slows, preparation for decapitation can

 be started. Continue the cut to the throat around the entire neck,
 from the jawline to the back of the skull. Once muscle and ligament
 have been sliced away, the head can be cleanly removed by gripping it
 on either side and twisting it off, separation occurring where the
 spinal cord meets the skull. This is indicative of the method to be 
 used for dividing other bones or joints, in that the meat should   
 generally be cut through first with a knife, and the exposed bone then
 separated with a saw or cleaver. The merits of keeping the skull as a 
 trophy are debatable for two principal reasons. First, a human skull
 may call suspicious attention to the new owner. Secondly, thorough
 cleaning is difficult due to the large brain mass, which is hard to   
 remove without opening the skull. The brain is not good to eat. 
 Removing the tongue and eyes, skinning the head, and placing it   
 outside in a wire cage may be effective. The cage allows small       
 scavengers such as ants and maggots to cleanse the flesh from the  
 bones, while preventing it being carried off by larger scavengers,  
 such as dogs and children. After a sufficient period of time, you may 
 retrieve the skull and boil it in a dilute bleach solution to     
 sterilize it and wash away any remaining tissue.

Skinning: After removing the head, wash the rest of the body down.

 Because there is no major market for human hides, particular care in
 removing the skin in a single piece is not necessary, and makes the  
 task much easier. The skin is in fact a large organ, and by flaying
 the carcass you not only expose the muscular configuration, but also
 get rid of the hair and the tiny distasteful glands which produce
 sweat and oil. A short-bladed knife should be used to avoid slicing   
 into muscle and viscera. The skin is composed of two layers, an outer
 thinner one with a thicker tissue layer below it. When skinning, first
 score the surface, cutting lightly to be sure of depth and direction.
 The diagram of the skinning pattern is an example of strip-style   
 skinning, dividing the surface into portions easy to handle. Reflect
 the skin by lifting up and peeling back with one hand, while bringing
 the knife in as flat to the skin as possible to cut away connective
 tissue. The external genitals present only a small obstacle. In the
 male the penis and scrotum can be pulled away from the body and   
 severed, in the female the outer lips skinned as the rest of the body.
 It is important to leave the anus untouched at this point, and a
 circle of skin should be left around it. You need not bother skinning
 the hands and feet, these portions not being worth the effort unless
 you plan to pickle them or use them in soup. The skin can be disposed
 of, or made into fried rinds. Boil the strips and peel away the outer
 layer, then cut into smaller pieces and deep-fat fry in boiling oil
 until puffy and crisp. Dust with garlic salt, paprika and cayenne  
 pepper.

Gutting: The next major step is complete evisceration of the carcass.

 To begin, make a cut from the solar plexus, the point between the    
 breastbone and stomach, almost to the anus. Be very careful not to cu
 into the intestines, as this will contaminate the surrounding area   
 with bacteria and possibly feces (if this does happen, cleanse  
 thoroughly). A good way to avoid this is to use the knife inside the
 abdominal wall, blade facing toward you, and making cautious progress.
 

Make a cut around the anus, or "bung", and tie it off with twine. This

 also prevents contamination, keeping the body from voiding any        
 material left in the bowel. With a saw, cut through the pubic bone, or
 "aitch". The lower body is now completely open, and you can begin to 
 pull the organ masses (large and small intestines, kidneys, liver,  
 stomach) out and cut them away from the back wall of the body.       
 

For the upper torso, first cut through the diaphragm around the inner

 surface of the carcass. This is the muscular membrane which divides
 the upper, or thoracic, and the lower abdominal cavities. Remove the
 breastbone, cutting down to the point on each side where it connects
 to the ribs, and then sawing through and detaching it from the collar
 bone. Some prefer to cut straight through the middle, depending on the
 ideas you have for cuts in the final stages. The heart and lungs may  
 be detached and the throat cut into to removlarynx and trachea.
 Once all of the inner organs have been removed, trim away any blood
 vessels or remaining pieces of connective tissue from the interior of
 the carcass, and wash out thoroughly.

 Remove the Arms: Actual butchering of the carcass is now ready to
 begin. Cut into the armpit straight to the shoulder, and remove the   
 arm bone, the humerus, from the collar bone and shoulder blade. Chop
 the hand off an inch or so above the wrist. Most of the meat here is  
 between elbow and shoulder, as the muscle groups are larger here and
 due to the fact that there are two bones in the forearm. Another way
 of cutting this portion is to cut away the deltoid muscle from the
 upper arm near the shoulder (but leaving it attached to the trunk)
 before removing the limb. This decreases the percentage of useable   
 meat on the arm, but allows a larger shoulder strip when excising the
 shoulder blade. Purely a matter of personal preference. Cut into and
 take apart the joint of the elbow, and the two halves of each arm are
 now ready for carving servings from. Human flesh should always be    
 properly cooked before eating.
 

Halving the Carcass: The main body is now ready to be split. Some like

 to saw straight through the spine from buttocks to neck. This leaves
 the muscle fiber encasing the vertebrae on the end of the ribs. The  
 meat here however is tightly wrapped about the bone, and we find it
 more suitable (if used at all) when boiled for soup. Thus, our
 preferred method is to completely remove the entire backbone by  
 cutting and then sawing down either side from the tailbone on through.
 

Quartering the Carcass: The halves may now be taken down, unless your

 preparation table or butcher block is very short. This is inadequate,
 and you will have to quarter while hanging, slicing through the side
 at a point of your choosing between rib cage and pelvis. Now is also
 the time to begin thinking about how you would like to serve the  
 flesh, as this will determine the style of cuts you are about to make.
 These will also be greatly affected by the muscular configuration   
 (physical fitness) of your specimen. First, chop the feet off at a    
 point about three inches up from the ankle. The bones are very thick
 where the leg connects to the foot. You will want to divide the side
 of meat into two further principal portions: the ribs and shoulder,
 and the half-pelvis and leg. In between is the "flank" or belly, which
 may be used for fillets or steaks, if thick enough, or even bacon   
 strips if you wish to cut this thinly. Thin and wide strips of flesh
 may also be rolled, and cooked to serve as a roast. Trim away along
 the edge of the ribs, and then decide whether you will cut steaks from
 the flank into the thighs and rump, and carve accordingly.     
 

Cutting the Top Quarter: Although not actually 25% of the meat you

 will get, this is designated as one-fourth of the carcass as divided
 into major portions. You may trim away the neck, or leave it to be   
 connected with the shoulder, or "chuck". The first major step with   
 this mass is to remove the shoulder blade and the collar bone. The  
 best and easiest way we have found is to just cut along the outline of
 shoulder blade, removing the meat on top and then dislocating the
 large bone. To excise the collar bone make an incision along its      
 length and then cut and pry it away. Depending upon the development of
 the breast, you may decide it qualifies as a "brisket" and remove it
 before cutting the ribs. In the female the breast is composed largely
 of glands and fatty tissue, and despite its appetizing appearance is
 rather inedible. The ribs are the choice cut of the quarter. An    
 perennial favorite for barbecuing, you may divide into sections of    
 several ribs each and cook them as is, divide the strip in half for
 shorter ribs, or even carve rib steaks if the muscle mass is        
 sufficient. 
 

Cutting the Lower Quarter: This is where most of the meat is, humans

 being upright animals. The muscle mass is largest in the legs and
 rump. The bulk is so comparatively large here that you can do just
 about anything with it. The main pieces are the buttock or rump and 
 the upper leg, the thigh. Our typical division is to cut the leg off
 at the bottom of the buttock, then chop away the bony mass of the 
 knee, at places two to three inches away in either direction. Before
 doing this, however, you may want to remove the whole calf muscle from
 back of the lower leg, as this is the best cut in its area. The  
 upper leg is now ready for anything, most especially some beautiful,
 thick round steaks. The rump will have to be carved from the pelvis in
 a rather triangular piece. The legs attach at the hip at a forward  
 point on the body, so there will be little interference as you carve 
 along the curve of the pelvis. Remaining meat will be on the thighs in
 front of the pelvis. 
 

And that's basically it. An average freezer provides plenty of storage

 space, or you may even wish to build a simple old-fashioned smokehouse
 (just like an outhouse, with a stone firepit instead of a shitter).
 Offal and other waste trimmings can be disposed of in a number of
 ways, burial, animal feed, and puree and flush being just a few. Bones
 will dry and become brittle after being baked an oven, and can be
 pulverized.
 

        BOB ARSON'S WHITE DEVIL DINKY-DAO MOTHAFUCKA BOBBACOO SAUCE
 

Marinade/Baste/Dip/Bloody Leroy Mix

Ingredients:

 
 1 8 oz. can tomato sauce
 1 6 oz. can tomato paste
 1 cup black coffee 
 3/4 cup beer (Killian's Red preferred)
 3/4 cup fruit juice (citrus: orange/pineapple/mango type)
 2 tblsp. whiskey
 1 tblsp. lemon juice
 1 tblsp. worcestershire sauce
 1 tblsp. vinegar (red wine garlic preferred)
 3 cloves garlic. minced
 3 jalepeno peppers, minced
 1/4 large onion, minced 1/8 red, 1/8 white preferred)
 2 1/2 tsp. liquid smoke
 2 tblsp. brown sugar
 1 tblsp. molasses
 1 1/2 tblsp. crushed red pepper
 1 cube beef bouillon            
 1 1/2 tsp. salt
 1 1/2 tsp ground black pepper
 1 1/2 tsp. paprika
 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
 3 dashes basil          
 3 dashes oregano  
   dashes savory
   ashes of one fine thin joint 
                 
 
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