GENWiki

Yet another computer glossary…

(There are a zillion of these computer glossaries floating around, but this one was actually amusing.}

Thanks to RASTAMAN JA for contributing this text file.

  beta test, v.
       To voluntarily entrust one's data, one's livelihood and one's
       sanity to hardware or software intended to destroy all
       three.  In earlier days, virgins were often selected to beta
       test volcanos.
  
  bit, n.
       A unit of measure applied to color.  Twenty-four-bit color
       refers to expensive $3 color as opposed to the cheaper 25
       cent, or two-bit, color that use to be available a few years
       ago.
  
  buzzword, n.
       The fly in the ointment of computer literacy.
  
  clone, n.
       1. An exact duplicate, as in "our product is a clone of their
       product." 2. A shoddy, spurious copy, as in "their product is
       a clone of our product."
  
  enhance, v.
       To tamper with an image, usually to its detriment.
  
  genlock, n.
       Why he stays in the bottle.
  
  guru, n.
       A computer owner who can read the manual.
  
  handshaking protocol, n.
       A process employed by hostile hardware devices to initate a
       terse but civil dialogue, which, in turn, is characterized by
       occasional misunderstanding, sulking, and name-calling.
  
  italic, adj.
       Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases. Unique to
       Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases are
       often slanted to the left.
  
  Japan, n.
       A fictional place where elves, gnomes and economic
       imperialists create electronic equipment and computers using
       black magic.  It is said that in the capital city of
       Akihabara, the streets are paved with gold and semiconductor
       chips grow on low bushes from which they are harvested by the
       happy natives.
  
  kern, v.
       1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
       of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
       metal object used as part of the monetary system.
  
  modem, adj.
       Up-to-date, new-fangled, as in "Thoroughly Modem Millie."  An
       unfortunate byproduct of kerning.
  
  pixel, n.
       A mischievous, magical spirit associated with screen
       displays.  The computer industry has frequently borrowed from
       mythology: Witness the sprites in computer graphics, the
       demons in artificial intelligence, and the trolls in the
       marketing department.
  
  prototype, n.
       First stage in the life cycle of a computer product, folowed
       by pre-alpha, alpha, beta, release version, corrected release
       version, upgrade, corrected upgrade, etc.  Unlike its
       successors, the prototype is not expected to work.
  
  revolutionary, adj.
       Repackaged.
  
  Unix, N.
       A computer operating system, once thought to be flabby and
       impotent, that now shows a surprising interest in making off
       with the workstation harem.    

[Downloaded from NAC JACK BBS - thanks to Hexen Hammer]