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(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*( THE UAG PRESENT *)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*) (*) (UNITED ANARCHIST'S GUILD) (*) (*) (*) (*) Tales of a thirteen year old loser… (*) (*) Written by THE KRACKER,THE TRASH CAN MAN (*) (*) (having much experience destroying 13) (*) (*) (year old TI/Commie users………….) (*) (*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*———————-*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)

In case you are wondering, this file is a non-fictional account of the life of a thirteen year old modem/TI/Commodore user. Anyone who meets the qualifications is seriously a low-life nothing, and you should think about committing suicide. If you don't I'll provide help… I'll push you off of the building, or shoot the rifle. Besides…….thirteen year olds are fuckin' cock suckers!

     Once upon a time, Johnny Pirate Jr. was having a great day.  When he

came home on his bright yellow school bus and walked into his house, to his surprise, he found a TI/99/4a sitting on top of the desk in the FAMILY room. "Oh gee," said Johnny, "A computer! K-rad! and a disk drive, Volksmodem, and a TI printer! Golly Mom and Dad, this must have cost you a fortune, maybe about 150 or even 200 dollars!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" So Johnny got to work on setting up his TI in the family room (after he did his school work, of course!).

   About three hours later, Johnny had it all set up.  He first turned it

on, and started reading the BASIC manual. "Gee, it can print HELLO! <00l!" So after he had a grand old time with that, he got out his version of print shop, and ripped open the BOX (which cost a wallopping $19!). He then made a printout of a bottle of beer. He then ran into his parents bedroom and yelled,

              "MOM DAD LOOK WHAT I DID!  I MADE A PICTURE!"
    "Johnny, if you come into our room again and wake us up, we'll punish

you for a whole week. Let me see that picture anyway,"said father."Oh my god, Johnny, if you ever print out a naughty picture, such as alcohol, again, I'll bring you to the confession booth and make you confess to father Billy, and he'll make you drop out of the youth group and serve time in the GOD SQUAD to write out bibles in ink! Now get to bed, christ, it's almost 9:00!"

       The next day (Saturday morning, after WWF faggot wrestling),

Johnny started on his Volksmodem. First he called up all of the local bitch boards. He couldn't use the phone for long distance calls 'till he's 17 said his parents. Once he got online to a local bitch board, he hollered, "Oh my god, I am on THE HACKING bulletin board, wonder if they copy games! I don't think I should join this board because the police might find out and arrest me!" So Johnny hung up, and of course, hung the board. Unfortunately, Johnny left his name, phone number, address, and when it asked for any hacking info (such as cards,codes,etc.), he left his dad's credit card number and he said, "Phreak, ya i do get pretty wound up on a friday night, you could say I phreak out! Ha ha ha ha ha,snicker,snicker!"

      An hour later, the sysop of the board Johnny last hung called

him. "Ok prick, you are gonna die!" said the sysop.

 "Why?"  asked Johnny.
 "You hung my fuckin' board, and my hard disk got fucked up:it was deleted!"
 "So what, you can't do anything about it, I'M A HACKER!"  said Johnny.
 "Fine, either you commit suicide, or destroy your computer, meaning throw
  it in the trash and burn it, or you will die.  Understand?"
 "NO!"  exclaimed Johnny, "You can't do that, I'll call the cops!"
 "Fine, be seeing you, prick," said the sysop, "CLICK....."
     The next morning, Johnny woke up in dismay to find a pipebomb to

come crashing through his window. When it exploded, he was blown into the hall. He then ran into his parents bedroom to find that they were tied- up, with a ballgag in their mouths. Their captors were 4 people in black ski masks with Uzi's. "Come with us Johnny, we are going for a little trip. You should never fuck with a sysop and try to get away with it." So they grabbed Johnny, tied him and gagged him, and took-off in a black pick-up truck.

              JOHNNY'S PARENTS :
                                 Were found found by relatives to be tied to
                                 their bed nude.  They were both in strange
                                 sexual positions, and had numerous bruses.
                                 When they were about to be untied, the 
                                 motion detector the kidnappers left went
                                 off and detonated a bomb that sat next to
                                 a barrel of nitro-glicerine, causing their 
                                 whole street to be blown to pieces and 
                                 cause the forest near by to be engulfed in
                                 flames, and devestated their city, what was
                                 left of it anyway!
          JOHNNY PIRATE : 
                                 Was never heard from again.  Some claim
                                 to see his picture in homosexual porno
                                 magazines,such as MBLA (the man-boy love
                                 association).
    COMING SOON.........Brady Bunch Massacre II!
                        How to Kill a Teacher!
                        Torture Techniques!
                        Fun Things to do to a 13 Year Old!
                        Construction Site Madness!

Written By THE KRACKER,THE TRASH CAN MAN United Anarchists Guild 1986 Thanx to: Neon Knights/Metal Communications,Shadow Brotherhood,Pirate's Guild,

        and all of those AE's out there.....

Call :

     Pirate's Front AE/BBS...................201-874-0773
     Miliways AE/CF/BBS......................609-921-1994
     Metal AE (pw:KILL)......................201-879-6668
     Metal Land West AE/CF/BBS...............503-538-0761
     Ozone ][ AE (pw:OZONE)..................503-684-0548
     Apple University AE:TAC.................503-838-2924

THE KRACKER,THE TRASH CAN MAN……………….United Anarchists Guild '86

/data/webs/external/dokuwiki/data/pages/archive/bbs/tales.13.yr.old.txt · Last modified: 2001/04/28 05:01 (external edit)