GENWiki

                                                         Section:  2 of 6
                                                         Released: Dec 11,'85

Part 2: The Traits of a Loser.

  We will take the  groupings one by one,  and discuss the signals  prevalent

within each category. There are many things that will give a loser away, and its virtually impossible to cover them all, however I will try…

Type A: The BBS Loser

  The most important  part of the  general BBS loser  is that he  (she?!) has

absolutely no brain whatsoever. This lack of grey matter expresses itself in many ways, and thus there are perhaps more examples of something that indicates a LoserUser in this category than any other. Unfortunately, the lack of a brain precludes these social outcasts from being able to understand (much less perform) many of the basics of BBSing.

  Firstly,  these  people  cannot  understand  instructions. Now, perhaps you

cannot quite grasp the severity of what this means! Think of all the places in a BBS where people are asked to follow rules, both explicitly and implicitly.

a) Logging on for the first time, it is the norm for users to be subjected to

 some sort of a message which they cannot interrupt, outlining the "rules" of
 the  BBS.  Apparently,  LoserUsers  never  read  this message, and use their
 ignorance as  a crutch  when a  sysop gets  pissed off  at their  failure to
 comply with the regulations of the system.

 Sysop: What the hell is wrong with you, you moron? Didn't you read the
        RULES?! It says "No Aliases". Can you understand that, or are you
        saying that your name is REALLY "Psycho Clam"?
 Loser: Hello?
 Sysop: YES!! Can you read?
 Loser: Ya
 Sysop: What did the rules say about aliases?
 Loser: I dunno
 Sysop: Why not?
 Loser: I didnt see nothin on aliases
 Sysop: It says  "NO ALIASES". Wouldn't you say that that means that you
        can't read?
 Loser: Well I didnt see it ok
 Sysop: Obviously. If you must, call back and log on again. This time try to
        read the rules.
 * Connection terminated *

b) Losers seem to have EXTREME difficulty entering their phone numbers. How

 this is so difficult has always and continues to baffle me. Remember,  don't
 let it bother you. Its all a  part of the LoserUser scheme to drive  us into
 the asylum THEY used to be in. Here's a classic example:

 BBS:   Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
 Loser: (hits return)
 BBS:   Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
 Loser: (hits return)
 BBS:   Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
 Loser: 000-0000
 BBS:   Incorrect format
        Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
        =--> Sysop interrupts...
 Sysop: Whats your problem? Do you know what a phone number is?
 Loser: Ya
 Sysop: Do you know what your phone number is?
 Loser: 545-6754
 Sysop: Ok, so enter it. And remember to enter your area code.
 BBS:   =--> Chat ended
        Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
 Loser: 545-6754
 BBS:   Incorrect format
        Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
        =--> Sysop interrupts...
 Sysop: Holy shit! Do you know what an "area code" is?
 Loser: Ya
 Sysop: So put in your area code! Now whats your phone number?
 Loser: 545-6754
 Sysop: With your AREA CODE!
 Loser: 416-545-6754
 BBS:   =--> Chat ended
        Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
 Loser: 545-6754
 * Connection terminated *

c) Perhaps one of the most common displays of the inability to read comes in

 the posting of messages.  How many times have  you seen people try  to end a
 message with "done", "/e", "/ex", "/es", ".s" when it clearly says that  you
 should use  "/s" to  "send" the  message? Even  worse is  the guy  who after
 trying 2 or 3 of the  above, just starts hitting <Return> until  the message
 is full. These messages are hard to read as the text scrolls off the  screen
 before you have a chance to read it all. But then again, being written by  a
 loser, it's probably to your benefit that you couldn't read it.

 Then, of course,  so often messages  posted in a  conference deal with  some
 topic which plainly should be posted in some other conference. Again,  these
 losers  just  don't  seem  to  understand  that the title of the conferences
 should somehow give them an idea  of where to post something. Then,  there's
 the loser who  posts the same  message on 3  different conferences, just  to
 make sure all the  losers read it (losers  often aren't even aware  that the
 other conferences exist, let alone what they're for).

d) Now, invariably, sysops find themselves chatting with losers. This is

 perhaps the single most difficult and taxing chore of running a BBS. A solid
 loser can drive  you to drink  at the best  of times, and  force you into  a
 state of temporary  insanity at worst  (to date, thank  God, we still  don't
 know of any  sysops who committed  suicide following a  chat with a  loser).
 Firstly, losers must be taught that  it is "chat" protocol to leave  a blank
 line  between  what  they  say,  to  indicate  that they are finished saying
 whatever and are now waiting for a reply. Chatting with a loser is so boring
 and frustrating  because of  the speed  he's typing  at, without  making the
 sysop  decide  whether  or  not   the  gumby  has  finished  typing.   Next,
 understanding a  loser is  sometimes a  difficult chore.  The loser seems to
 have his own vocabulary. Essentially, they use many words which are  obvious
 misspellings of regularly used words. The only theory I've been able to come
 up with that  accounts for this  bizarre behaviour is  that they do  this to
 cover up the fact  that they make spelling  mistakes every 5 or  6 words, so
 this way you're never sure if he misspelled it, or whether its just  another
 part of his regular "vocabulary". Remember that losers (based on the  number
 of  times  they  select  the  main  menu  as their command) have a hard time
 remembering the 20 or so options available to them on the BBS, let alone the
 English language. Chatting  with one of  these people is  similar to talking
 with a caveman (or Arnold  Schwartzenegger; only difference is that  Arnie's
 smart... He carries a gun with him so no-one bothers him, and he never  logs
 onto a BBS). What is really disturbing are situations where you heap sarcasm
 and criticism on a loser, and he doesn't even realize it! An example:

 Sysop: Good day. What did you want to ask me?
 Loser: Wow, are u the sysop?
 Sysop: No, I'm the zit on your face.
 Loser: Iv never talk to sysop be4. This is awesum!
 Sysop: Whatever. What do you want?
 Loser: How do i get more acces to the BBS?
 Sysop: If you contribute, call regularily, and prove yourself worthy of a
        higher access level, you'll get it.
 Loser: So what button do i push?
 Sysop: What?!
 Loser: How do i get acces?
 Sysop: You don't.
 Loser: Howcum?
 Sysop: Cause I said so.
 Loser: Ok. But like can i get more time on the BBS?
 Sysop: No.
 Loser: Oh. U r a k00l d00d thow cant i get to do more stuff?
 Sysop: No. Listen I have to split. Talk to you later.