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THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY OF RENO WHO LOST ALL HER DOUGH PLAYING KEENO. BUT SHE LAY ON HER BACK AND OPENED HER CRACK, AND NOW SHE OWNS THE CASINO.

There was a young lady of Dover Whose passion was such that it drove her

    To cry, when you came,
   "Oh dear!  What a shame!

Well, now we shall have to start over."

There was a young maid from Madras Who had a magnificent ass;

  Not rounded and pink,
  As you probably think--

It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

There was a young girl named Dalrymple Whose sexual equipment was so simple

    That on examination they found
    Little more than a mound

In the center of which was a dimple.

There once was a handsome young seaman Who with ladies was really a demon.

  In peace or in war,
  At sea or on shore,

He could certainly dish out the semen.

Hilda was very worried because she had two green spots between her legs. She became so upset she finally went to a doctor who examined her thoroughly. "Madam," said the physician, "it is obvious you are married to Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y a Gypsy." "That's right!" "Well, you had better tell your husband that his earrings aren't made of gold!"

There was a young sailor named Bates Who did the fandango on skates.

  He fell on his cutlass
  Which rendered him nutless

And practically useless on dates.

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL VERY SWEET, WHO THOUGHT SAILOR'S MEAT QUITE A TREAT WHEN SHE SAT ON THEIR LAP SHE UNBUTTONED THEIR FLAP AND ALWAYS HAD PLENTY TO EAT.

There was a young pessimist, Grotton, Who wished he had ne'er been begotten,

  Nor would he have been
  But the rubber was thin,

And right at the tip it was rotten.

I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda, I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.

    She said it was crude
    To be wooed in the nude -

I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her.

There was a young girl from Hong Kong Who said, "You are utterly wrong

  To say my vagina

Continue (Y/N)? What?!? What?!? What?!? Y  's the largest in China, Just because of your mean little dong."

There was an old lady who lay With her legs wide apart in the hay,

   Then, calling the ploughman,
   She said, "Do it now, man!

Don't wait till your hair has turned gray."

There was a young man from Purdue Who was only just learning to screw,

  But he hadn't the knack,
  And he got too far back -

In the right church, but in the wrong pew.

There was a young German named Ringer Who was screwing an opera singer.

  Said he with a grin,
 "Well, Ive sure got it in!"

Said she, "You mean that's not your finger?"

Said a printer pretending to wit: "There are certain bad words we omit.

     It would sully our art
     To print the word f---,

And we never, oh never, say sh–!"

While pissing on deck, an old boatswain Fell asleep, and his pisser got frozen.

   It snapped off at the shank,

Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y  And it fell off and sank, In the sea -'twas his own fault for dozin'.

There was a young fellow named Bob Who explained to his friends with a sob,

 "The size of my phallus
  Was just right for Alice

Till the night that she bit off the knob."

There was a young girl from St. Cyr Whose reflex actions were queer.

    Her escort said, "Mable,
    Get up off the table;

That money's to pay for the beer."

I know of a fortunate Hindu Who is sought in the towns that he's been to

     By the ladies he knows
     Who are thrilled to the toes

By the tricks he can make his foreskin do.

Said an old fashioned god named Anubis, "I know about pubes and boobies,

      But I've no impression
      About the Eustachian,

Or where the fallopian tube is."

There was a young man of Manhassett Whose life seemed excessively placid.

    One day, just for fun,
    He raped an old nun,

And filled up her crevice with acid. Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y  There once was a fellow at Jesus Who developed a phallic prosthesis.

  He made use of this tool
  To thoroughly fool

All girls who were known as P.T.'s's.

A hoary old monk of Regina Once said, "There is nothing diviner

   Than to sit in one's cell
   And let one's mind dwell

On the charms of the Virgin's vagina."

THERE ONCE WAS AN OLD HERMIT NAMED DAVE WHO KEPT A DEAD WHORE IN HIS CAVE HE SAID,I'LL ADMIT I'M A BIT OF A SHIT BUT LOOK AT THE MONEY I SAVE

THERE ONCE WAS A LADY FROM QUEBEC WHO LIKKED IT UP TO HER NECK THE MAN FROM SYDNEY PUT IT UP TO HER KIDNEY HE HAD A LONG ONE DIDN'T HE

THE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM DUNDEE WHO BUGGERED AN APEE IN A TREE THE RESULT WAS HORRID FOUR BALLS AND NO FOREHEAD FIVE CHINS AND A PURPLE GOATEE

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM BOMBAY Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y WHO FASHIONED A CUNT OUT OF CLAY THE HEAT FROM HIS PRICK TURNED THE CLAY INTO BRICK AND TORE ALL THE FORESKIN AWAY

What's the definition of a puff-adder?

Someone who farts in the bath and counts the bubbles!!

What's a "windjammer?"

A turd with a knot in it.

Why are turds tapered????

To prevent your arsehole closing with a bang!!!

Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes?

She hasn't, either!!

What did Big Ben say to the leaning tower of Pisa??

I've got the time, if you've got the inclination!!

Mrs Jones was sunbathing in the nude, when her German Shepherd started licking her tummy.

"Down boy, down."

"Ooooohhhh - there's a GOOD boy!!!"

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