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archive:stories:day.in.mcdonald

| formatted for 80-columns \_ | | | A Day in McDonaldland | | | | Written by – G.I. Joe | | | | Call these! | | Pitstop AE/CF 504/774/7126 Wolf's Den AE/BBS/CF 203/269/8377 | | Binary Sixx AE 505/275/0110 Lighthouse AE/BBS/CF 504/291/5690 | | p/w SIXX DETAC AE p/w RUSH 617/458/2934 | | | | Any similarities of characters depicted here to anyone in the world, | | both living and/or dead is purely coincinental. And, if you are | | offended by any of this… Please - Fuck off. (C) DETAC 6/10/86 | |__|

   Once upon a time in McDonaldland, Ronald got up.  He was awakened by the 

screaming of Birdie the Early Bird who wanted Ronald to buy him some hotcakes and sausage, and a worm McMuffin. Through the corner of his half-opened eye he saw Birdie flying toward his window. Ronald did not want to get up! He'd been drinking the night before and had a whanging headache. Thinking quickly Ronald reached over to his nighttable drawer and took out his .357 McMagnum. He then emptied the weapon into Birdie's oncoming face. Ronald then laid back down. A moment later he bolted upright and said 'tails!'. He jumped out of his bed and ran to the window to look down at the corpse. Ron was right, all that remained of the flying freak was his tail. The hungover clown smiled and went back to bed.

   A little while later, a group of small children appeared under Ronald's

balcony. They called for the clown to come out. Ronald told them that he'd be out in a few minutes as he was getting a surprise for them. Ronald loved children, he eats at least one a day… The clown appeared as he promised and poured boiling-hot oil all over the little tykes. In the few seconds before they died, they sure were surprised. The big clown laughed (he had a queer sense of humor) and looked at his handiwork. Bodies were sprawled all over the yard. Ron knew that there'd be no more visits today. He thought "Ah, at last… sleep, perchance to dream of more cruel things to do to the kiddies.", and promptly passed out in bed again.

   Ronald got up by himself at about 2:00 pm, got dressed, downed an entire

bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol Capsules ( he got a great bargain on all the recalled packages ), and headed to Queen St. for to buy some bones. Ronald picked up a deal on 5 party-size sens joints and strolled through McDonaldland smoking them. After he had smoked 3 of 'em, he started to flick lit matches at passing dogs, he also was spitting at all the kids too. And why not? He was feeling much better now since his headache is gone, so he was out to enjoy himself. He came over to a grove of trees and carved ' Fuck the King! ' into the first tree he reached with his switchblade. Then he continued on his merry way. It was such a wonderful day too. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, …you know. A NICE DAY. The flowers all looked up and smiled & waved to Ronald as he walked along. But the clown was in no mood for that shit today. So he took great care to kick the heads off of every flower around him with his deformed, size 22 feet. Well, Ron had laid waste to a whole field of these friendly flowers when he caught sight of a lone little boy walking toward him. Ronald's face beamed, his heart warmed, his eyes softened, he became his usual loveable self. The child jumped up into Ronald's open arms, and they spun around in the flowers. It was so touching that Ronald wanted to puke. Then he suddenly remembered how he and his father used to do this too. They'd play in the field, then his father would bounce little Ron into the air… Unconciously, Ronald hurled the child skward and watched as it gained altitude and became just a tiny dot in the sky. The dot started growing bigger as Ron realized that he couldn't catch for beans. Too bad. The kid came down with a long, loud scream that ceased abruptly upon inpact. Ron thought to himself, "Wow, that sure brings back memories…", and asked the kid if he wanted to do that one more time. The boy just kept lying there twitching, so Ronald figured that he didn't. "Alright… nice meeting you liitle boy.", said the clown as he left to get back onto the footpath. A little ways down the road, Grimace and his green uncle came riding by on a bicycle built for 10. Ron remembered the 2 joints he had left and decided to let his friend Grimace in on it along with his jolly green goodwill-case uncle. The three of them went down to the riverside to partake of the weed's pleasures. Uncle Greenie seemed to like the pot. In fact, he liked it so much that after taking the biggest hit ever attempted by any living being and drooling at the same time, he passed out cold on the ground. Ronald snatched the soaked doobie from from the Irish monster's spongy, hairy, limp paw, and was about to take a hit himself when he noticed that there was spit all over it. He passed it to Grimace who didn't seem to mind sucking on other people's spit. Ronald was pissed off though, and he rolled Grimace's uncle into the river to drown. That's exactly what the green burnout did too. Ron walked back to Grimace and lit the other joint carelessly dropping the lit match on Grimace, who was busy playing with himself and didn't notice the fire. The clown stayed around and watched Grimace melt for a little while. Then he left, leaving his last real friend burning to death in a 10 foot flame. The big clown went back to his home and just laughed his head off…


Well, that's it for this installment folx. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did when I first came up with it. Also, call my AE,

DETAC AE (617) 458-2934 p/w: RUSH  300/1200bd  24hrs a day in STEREO!

YES! We do requests there! If I've got it, you can have it too.


(> Written by G.I. Joe 6/10/86 - (K)opywrite 1986, DETAC Publishing <)

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