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archive:sf:madalien

I found this in the latest edition of "Mad Magazin" and thought it was quite funny/appropriate for this discussion:

What Would REALLY Happen If Extraterrestials Came to Earth Today ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1) The N.R.A. would immediately lobby Congress to legalize the aliens'

 100-gigawatt death-ray lasers as "legitimate sporting weapons"!

2) Entertainment Tonight would feature footage of the State Dinner

 welcoming the aliens, but only because River Phoenix was there too!

3) Within a week, Oprah would have them on, yelling at each other

 Topic in picture reads "Why can't Alpha-16 males pick up their
 fleeboid modules?"

4) Politiacally correct people would attack anyone calling them "aliens"

 instead of "alternatively-evolved"!

5) Madonna would find out exactly how they have sex and then figure out a

 way to do it in her stage act!

6) Faster than you can say "Garfield," dolls in their likeness would be

 suction-cupped to each and every car window in America!

7) Dana Carvey would impersonate their leader on Saturday Night Live,

 prompting millions of bad office comedians to re-hash it for the next
 three months!

8) They would get sucked into the "Pepsi vs. Coke" wars!

9) All across the country, every single department store, car dealership,

 and discount appliance center would have a "spaceman sale", thus
 giving them an excuse to jack up their prices at least 25 percent.

10) The French would treat them exactly like they treat all foreign

  visitors - rudely!

11) Hard-core Star Trekkies would scoff at the aliens' spaceship for

  being "so cheesy-looking"!

12) Republicans would devise an extraterrestrial version of the Willie

  Horton commercial to scare whites into voting for them!

13) Mentally-unbalanced celebrity stalkers would abandon their "mere

  human" victims to go after "someone really famous"!

14) The would use their superior intelligence and deduce that Quayle is a

  moron!

You may laugh, spit, or criticize me (for posting this) or MAD Magazine (for writing this)



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