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—————————————————————- The first compilation of filksongs collected from the FILK Echo and provided for download via the auspices of Kay Shapero, moder- ator of same. Publication date, May 1990. All copyrights belong to the writers.

FILKfile will appear at irregular intervals of a month or more, depending on how many songs appear on the echo.

I'm doing this first one in vanilla ascii with the bare minimum of formatting so as not to create problems for anyone reading it directly off the system. If folks would like me to provide margins and form feeds between pages, please let me know.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL by Charlie Kellner (to the tune of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer")

There's Nemorth and Selgrith and Lamanth and Wirenth, Caylith and Prideth and Ludeth and Ralenth, But do you recall… the most famous dragon of all?

Ramoth the golden dragon had a very shiny tail, And if you ever saw it, you would love each golden scale. None of the other dragons ever let her play their games, They didn't want poor Ramoth chasing thread and breathing flames.

Then one fateful Threadfall eve, Lessa came to say, "Ramoth with your tail so bright, won't you guide the weyrs in flight?"

Then how the dragons loved her, as they shouted out in glee, "Ramoth the golden dragon, you went back in history!"

Words copyright Charlie Kellner, Dec 1981


A FILKER'S NIGHTMARE by Rich Kabakjian (tune: "That Old Time Religion")

Gimme that old "Banned From Argo" Gimme that old "Banned From Argo" Gimme that old "Banned From Argo" It's long enough for me.

We will sing of "Caves of Steel" Even though we think it's real- ly long and has no mass appeal But it's good enough for me.

We will sing "Horsetamer's Daughter" 'Though we think we really oughter pick a filk that is much shorter But it's good enough for me.

If you'd like to pass the Tully, can we sing of "Young Man Mulli- gan"? It makes the senses dull-y

But it's good enough for me.

Words copyright Rich Kabakjian, 1989


A SONG FOR GROSSED OUT FILKFEN by Kay Shapero (tune: "When Johnny Comes Marching Home")

(Doom, doom, doom, doom….. Doom, doom, doom, doom…..)

The filksing's getting ose again (Oh dread! Oh dread!) The filksing's getting ose again (Oh dread! Oh dread!)

   The piles of bodies have stained the floor
   With thirty-nine separate shades of gore

And the fans are running out of the room to urp….

(Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck…) <fade out over running feet, urping fen, whatever…)

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1988


ALARUMS & EXCURSIONS by Dr Pepper (tune: Cover of the Rolling Stone)

Well we're big D&Ders, We don't know what Fear is, And we're loved everywhere we roam We rid the world of evil and we rid the world of pain And we take a lot of tresure back home We drink all kinds of potions and get all kinds of notions But those notions are no more than diversions From the notion that'll gitcher, when you gitchour picture On the cover of Alarums and Excursions


Alarums and Excursions! Gonna see my picture on the cover Alarums and Excursions! run off extra copies for my mother Gonna see my smiling face, On the cover of Alarums and Excursions

I got a crazy old witch name of Mandrake Mitch, Who weaves mystic runes in my cloak I got a hoary old greyhaired druid Growing me a sacred oak Now let's all decide, to tell our tale But your never gonna tell a better version Than the version that'll fitcher when you gitchour picture On the cover of Alarums and Excursions


We gota lot of little ugly, charmed chaotics, Who'll do anything we say We got a genuine ring of 3 wishes, We're saving for a rainy day We got all the cures, that money can buy, So we'll never have to go to any surgeons And we keep getting richer, but can't get our picture, On the cover of Alarums and Excursions

(extended Chorus)

Words copyright Dr Pepper, 1975


An Oar! by Charlie Kellner

Ah, broken is the toilet bowl! The water flows forever! Now uncontrolled, a ghastly toll builds on the water meter; And, janitor, hast thou no cure? - come now or never more! And if thou canst not fix it now, then wouldst thou bring an oar? Come! Let the tenant's rights be read - the landlord's phone be rung! - An answer, please, before my dog requires an Aqualung - There is a limit to the times a towel can be wrung.

  1. with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe


CYBERSAGA by Kay Shapero (tune:"Black Denim Trousers", with acknowledgements to Ted John- stone's "Corduroy Trousers"…)

CHORUS: He had pointed green eartips, a socket in his head,

      And a black leather jacket with "Deck 'em" on the back.
      He  had  a pair of mirror shades that  flashed  like  the 
      midday sun
      That elf was the terror of every shadowrun.

He streaked his face with red and he streaked his hair with green He had rows of ruby rhinestones on the ridges of his eyes. On the back of his right arm was a Moebius-type tattoo That told the time in Tokyo in shades of red and blue.

Oh he had a cybermodem and it was a marvel rare But tech will only do the things that tech can do He cracked a wizard's data base and searched until he found Ways magic could be used to get around…


The other hackers warned him not to play with magic spells. They said "These things could send you to a dozen diff'rent hells." He didn't hear, he didn't care, his mind was in a spin At the worlds that now existed and the worlds that might have been.

He started searching like a madman, green fire shining in his eyes. He vowed he'd plunder all the worlds for high tech gear and spells. But he found a Disney dreamworld; and something that he met Derezzed his body right into the Net…

      No more pointed green eartips, no socket in the head,
      And no black leather jacket with "Deck 'em" on the back.
      The mirror shades are broken that flashed like the midday 
      But he still is the terror of every shadowrun!

words copyright Kay Shapero, 1990


FRODO'S THEME by Cheryl Mathison

Frodo Baggins small and fair With Elven mist about his aire Set out upon adventure lain To end the curse of Isldur's Bane.

With Elves and Dwarves, the Hobbits set; With Men and Wizard, numbers met. The Nine set out from Rivendell To fool the Nine Black Riders from Hell.

The Nine: They walked through Khazad-dum. They lost poor Gandalf in a room. They met a Balrog: Durin's Bane Where Balin died and now is lain.

Next Boromir and then the rest Were cast astray or laid to rest, So Sam and Frodo left them there To finish the Task or die in dispair.

It led them through the Morgul Vale With Gollum in hot pursuit on their trail. They took him to join them so he wouldn't kill Poor Frodo, who's Ring was the source of his will.

There, in Mount Doom, inside of a cave They could not cast the Ring away. But Gollum took it and fell off the wing Of the ledge to his death and the end of the Ring.

words and music © Copyright 1975 by Cheryl Mathison


FURRY by Kay Shapero (tune: Richter Scale)

Hadn't had a date in months and I was getting nervous So decided I would try the local dating service Paid their fee, filled out their form and things were going fine Until they saw what I'd put on the "favorite hobbies" line…

I am a Feline, canine, vulpine, feathered, winged and taloned furry Every time I'm at a con I draw crowds in a hurry My artwork is erotic Though it isn't quite obscene I'm having lots of fun with this, as odd as it might seem.

This reply appeared to cause the sales rep consternation Back she came to ask me for some kind of explanation When I said she'd read it right it threw her for a loss She said she couldn't enter it, then brought me to her boss.

"So you're the Feline, canine, vulpine, feathered, winged and taloned furry At SF cons you specialize in mob scenes in a hurry This doesn't fit our data forms

Some changes must be made You'll have to see my boss to deal with this one I'm afraid."

So it went on up the line "Are you sure this is legal?" "Something like a Moose, or Elk, or F and O of Eagle?" Everything they put in the computer came back out I had to fly to Omaha to find someone with clout.

"Yes, I'm the Feline, canine, vulpine, feathered, winged and taloned furry I'm sorry if this seems to set you all in such a flurry I've heard a lot about your club I'm told it's simply great But all I want to know is can you folks find me a date?"

At the top, the president just smiled and said "Don't worry, I think we can solve this little problem in a hurry. Bypass the computer; And discuss it one on one.." We're at an SF con right now and say we're having fun

'Cause he's a Dragon, merman, centaur, griffin, unicornish high elf Couldn't be a better match if I'd dreamed him up myself Together we're the strangest pair That folks have ever seen Come to the Furry Party room and you'll see what I mean!

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1989


LOCKED OUT by Kay Shapero (tune: Londonderry Air)

I took a walk outside the mound to clear my head, For wine and song had surely got to me. The night is cold; I'd like to come inside again, But it appears I've left behind the key. So open up, and let me in the hill again, Or I must stand out here and sing some more, And all the songs I'll sing are ose as they can be, So hurry up in there and open up the door!

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1989

(the above written chiefly to prove you can, too, write a humor- ous song to the Londonderry Air…)


MORETA by Kay Shapero (tune: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer… see "Rudolph's Ride")

You know Torene and Lessa and Brekke and F'Nor Jaxom and F'lar and a good many more But do you perhaps recall The most famous rider of all….

Moreta, Pern Weyrwoman Rode a lovely golden queen Charmed all the folk who saw them Gliding through the air serene

All of the other dragons Understood the things she said Helping to keep the weyrfolk Organized while fighting Thread.

Then one plaguey springtime eve Healers came to say "Lady with your queen so grand, Take the serum through the land."

Oh how the people loved her Harpers sang about her fame "Though you were lost in transit, We will e'er recall your name.."

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1989


ON DRAGONS by Charlie Kellner

On Dragons...
Myriad the human mind
And so diverse the Dragonkind
In wing or claw, tooth or beak
Every dragon stands unique
There are those wyrms who men would say
Live only to devour and slay
I understand thy fear of these
But I am not as ye believe
True dragons are philosophers
And speak to men in cryptic verse
We are not often understood
When we write in fire and blood
The dragon is a subtile beast
Beware, ere on his breath ye feast
For those who duel must ever learn
The truth has oft been known to burn.
          - Charlie Kellner, June 1981
Dragon Summer
A younger dragon seeks his fame
With fiery deeds to mark his name
As he matures he comes to know
The victory that does not show
Our race will only be as strong
As the care we give our young
So it was said in days of old
So it will be when stars grow cold
We have no wings and yet we fly
We know the space beyond the sky
We travel through the endless night
With tongues of flame to mark our flight
We come from where all life began
Our quest is to enlighten Man
And we shall taste ere we are done
The golden apples of the sun
        - Charlie Kellner, June 1981
Dragon's Breath
A dragon's fire is in his breath
His strength is in his scales
His subtlety is in his spine
And thereby hangs the tale
So many seek to conquer him
By armored might alone
But dragons simply cannot die
Until their truth is known
You must not hold him prisoner
He will not be controlled
To beat him, look into his eyes
And see into his soul
For he who would prevail must learn
What every wise man knows
Who holds a dragon by the tail
Goes where the dragon goes
        - Charlie Kellner, Jan 1982
Dragon Winter
The fire has faded from the clouds
    The dragon stands alone
The sun has taken with it all
    That he had ever known
On winter's wings the summer birds
    Ascend into the sky
He watches, and remembers
    That once he too could fly
         - Charlie Kellner, May 1982
And So New Life Begins
While you wake
    the dragon sleeps
In your dreams
    the dragon speaks
As you reach
    for what you yearn
So you find
    the truth
        that burns
    - Charlie Kellner, Jan 1982
      for Anne

poems copyright Charlie Kellner, 1981, 1982


RUDOLPH'S RIDE by Kay Shapero (tune: "Moreta" by Anne Harlan Prather, as sung on the "Rat Mastersongs" tape.)

It's Christmas Eve and Santa is late; He's never done this before. It's Christmas Eve and Santa is late; Just what is he waiting for?

A fog has crept over all the North Pole; The reindeer can't see to fly. The children are waiting for Santa to come; We can't let the children cry.

So fly, reindeer, and pull your load of cheer, And fly, great Santa as well To every child, in every home, over hill and over dale, Carry the presents without fail.

The weather elves from miles around All gathered at Santa's hall To see how far the fog could be found And if they could stop it at all.

The Head Elf said to Santa Claus; "We can't stop this fog, it is true. We can tell you that it is going to get worse, But that's all that we can do."

So fly, reindeer, and pull your load of cheer, And fly, great Santa as well To every child, in every home, over hill and over dale, Carry the presents without fail.

Then Santa said to all of his crew; "We dare not wait any longer. We must fly out and deliver the gifts Before this fog gets stronger."

One deer, brighter-nosed than all the rest, Was chosen to lead the way. His glowing nose gave the light to their flight And saved that Christmas day.

He flew, reindeer, and pulled his load of cheer He pulled great Santa as well To every child, in every home, through the sky with nose aflame 'Til to every child a present came And the pages of history sing his name…


Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1989


SNAKES ALIVE (by Kay Shapero) (tune: MacNamara's Band - chorus to either verse tune or "You Can Build A Mainframe From The Things You Find At Home")

Conventions are my hobby and I go whene'er I can Of art shows, filks and masquerades I am the biggest fan Though living, breathing SF is the most fun that it gets I like it even better when I bring along my pets


  Yes madam, I'm aware that there's a snake around my neck
  It won't stay in my hair and so I figured what the heck?
  The lizards on my shoulders really do not seem to care
  They get along just fine with all the reptiles that I wear.

I went to see the art show and I'd say it's really fine Although the dragon sculpture isn't quite as good as mine. Alas, the time I entered mine the concom disapproved. When someone taped the bid sheet on the consarned beastie moved!


The dealer's room sells books and tapes and also other things Like posters, costumes, weapons, belts and sundry magic rings. One dealer said his garter (jeweled) was something I should see I told him that my garter (snake) was quite enough for me!


I love to go to filksings and arrive, guitar in hand To sing of space and Kinnison's (though not that other) Band. Although they cannot sing, my snakes come with me if they wish. I use one for a capo on those songs by Leslie Fish.


The Masquerade and dance both hold a marvelous appeal But I must go and supervise my anaconda's meal. The python ate the chairman and it didn't seem to mind But anacondas might get sick from dinners of that kind!


(The above dedicated to Momcat Myers' snake, Ace, who always stayed quite nicely in my hair, thank you!)

Words copyright Kay Shapero, 1989



'Twas the night before Threadfall, when all through the weyr,

 Not a creature was stirring, except the watch-wher.

The firesacks were hung by the weyrlings with care

 In hopes that a dragon would someday be theirs.

The dragons were nestled all snug in their caves

 While dreaming of silver thread falling in waves.

And Lessa in her kerchief and F'lar in his cap

 Had just settled down for a long preflight nap

When out in the bowl there arose such a clatter

 I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

I raced down the tunnel and woke up F'lar,

 Climbed up to the Eye Rock and sighted the Star;

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

 But a small clump of thread and eight tiny watch-whers!

But it danced and it darted, so lively and quick,

 I thought for a moment it might be St. N'ick.

More rapid than wherries F'lars dragons they came,

 And he whistled, and shouted and called them by name:

"Now, Mnementh! now, Tuenth! now, Munth and Piyanth,

 On, Lioth!  on, Valenth!  on, Tagath and Canth!

To the top of the ledge! to the top of the wall!

 Now, dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

As fire lizards before the wild wherries will fly,

 Then vanish Between in the wink of an eye,

So, down to the ledges the dragons they flew,

 With the watch-whers behind - and the clump of thread, too!

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the wall

 The prancing and pawing of each little claw.

Fearing the worst, I took flight down the stair,

 And to my surprise, found St. N'ick standing there!

He was dressed in wher-hide from his head to his foot,

 And his clothes were all tarnished with thread-dust and soot.

Behind him, I saw a most marvelous sled

 Of silvery metal which glistened like thread.

He reached 'round and picked up a great leather sack,

 And giving a nod, flung it straight on his back.

He spoke not a word, but went right to his work,

 And filled all the firesacks, then turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his sled, to his team gave a whistle,

 And away they all flew like the down of a thistle,

But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,

 "A short Threadfall to all, and to all a good flight!"
  1. Charlie Kellner, Dec 1981


UNFINISHED DRINKING SONG by Charlie Kellner (tune: Three Flies in a Bottle)


Daddy was a centaur, I'm just a quarter horse Mommy was a mermaid, cause dad loved water sports My girl friend is an otter, a'swimmin in the sea And if the kids take after her… (pause)

    They'll get the best of me

Three flies in a bottle, my ale is all drunk up Let's have another round for me, and one more for my pup

Oh, I want to be a jedi, just like my dear old man I want to leia princess, and blow up Alderaan When daddy met the princess, she hated him of course She wanted to fly solo… (pause)

    But daddy used the force

[chorus – substitute a different beverage for "ale" each time]

Words copyright Charlie Kellner, 1990


WHO LU? (words Kay Shapero) (tune - Camptown Races)

Who's the Elder Ghod we fear? Cthulhu, Cthulhu! Who sleeps on from year to year? Cthulhu is his name. Going to pray all night Going to chant all day 'Til he rises from the ocean floor Then we will run away!

Words copyright Kay Shapero 1990

That's all for this issue, folks! See ya next time!

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