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As we come to the end of yet another year, it is time again to make those ever so important New Year's Resolutions. I have faithfully made such resolutions in the past, and have now come up with my New Year's Resolutions for 1992, all of which follow:

      1989               1990               1991               1992

|——————|——————|——————|——————|

I will try to be	I will not	I will try for a	I will try to be
a better husband	leave Marge.	reconciliation	a better husband
to Marge.		Marge.	to Wanda.


I will stop	I will not get	I will not let	I will stop
looking at other	involved with	Wanda pressure me	looking at other
women.	Wanda.	into another	women.
		marriage.


I will not let	I will stick up	I will not let my	I will tell
my boss push	for my rights	sadistic boss	Dr. Hodger and
me around.	when my boss	drive me to the	the group about
	bullies me.	point of suicide.	my boss.


I will read at	I will read at	I will read	I will finish
least 20 good	least 10 books	5 books a year.	Airport.
books a year.	a year.


I will not get	I will not get	I will not lose	I will not speak
upset when Charlie	annoyed when	my temper when	to Charlie and
and Sam make jokes	Charlie and Sam	Charlie and Sam	Sam.
about my baldness.	kid me about	tell the guys I
	my toupee.	wear a girdle.


I will get my	I will watch my	I will follow my	I will try to
weight down below	calories until I	diet religiously	develop a
180 pounds.	get below 190.	until I get below	realistic attitude
		200 pounds.	about my weight.


I will not take a	I will not touch	I will not become	I will not miss
drink before 5pm.	the bottle before	a problem drinker.	any AA meetings.
	noon.


I will not spend	I will pay off	I will pay off	I will begin
my money	my bank loan	my bank loans	making a strong
frivously.	promptly.	promptly.	effort to be out
			debt by 1995.


I will see my	I will have my	I will have my	I will get rid of
dentist this year.	cavities filled	root canal work	my denture breath
	this year.	done this year.	this year.


I will go to	I will go to	I will set aside	I will try to
church every	church as often	time each day for	catch the late
Sunday.	as possible.	prayer & devotion.	sermonette on TV.


I will not be	I will stop	I will work to	I will accept the
self-destructive.	wrecking my life.	escape the living	fact that some men
		hell I've created	are winners and
		for myself.	others are losers.


I will work out at	I will play 18	I will go to the	I will improve my
the gym at least	holes of golf at	pitch-and-putt	game of bridge.
twice a week.	least once a week.	whenever I can.


I will follow all	I will make a	I will try to bat	I will learn to
of these	serious effot to	.500 with these	live with my
resolutions	follow these	resolutions.	weaknesses.
to the letter.	resolutions.

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