From stuart@rassilon.UUCP Fri Jun 23 05:30:07 1989 Flags: 000000000001 Path: molokai!milano!cs.utexas.edu!inebriae!think!bloom-beacon!watmath!looking!funny-request From: stuart@rassilon.UUCP (Stuart Freedman {x3262}) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: Residency in New England Keywords: political & state stereotypes, funny Message-ID: 3553@looking.on.ca Date: 23 Jun 89 10:30:07 GMT Sender: funny@looking.on.ca Lines: 143 Approved: funny@looking.on.ca Reply-Path: rutgers!att.att.com!io!rassilon!stuart
(From: WEDOIT::DAMICO "JIM DAMICO DTN: 261-3257")
Forms for NH and MA
Application for Permission to Live in New Hampshire
NAME: _
ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary) White ( )
TYPE OF CARS OWNED: Pickup Truck ( ) You don't own any Foreign cars, do you? NO ( )
CAR EQUIPMENT: Gun Rack ( ) Stash ( ) CB ( ) Beer Holder( ) Playboy air freshener ( )
BUMPER STICKERS: "Ex-wife in trunk" ( ) "If Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Guns" ( ) "Bush/Quayle" ( ) "Shit Happens" ( ) "If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk" ( )
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual ( )
FAVORITE CAUSE: NRA ( ) Prolife ( )
Total given to these causes in the last 12 months:
FAVORITE DRUGS: Grass ( )
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?: (check all that apply) Democrats ( ) Welfare ( ) N.O.W. ( )
FAVORITE BEER: Miller ( ) Michelob ( ) Bud ( )
FAVORITE POLITICIAN: Don't Care ( )
CLUB MEMBERSHIPS: NRA ( )
How Automatic Weapons do you own?
5 ( ) 10 ( ) More than that ( )
FAVORITE TV SHOW: Benny Hill ( )
Application for Permission to Live in Massachusetts
NAME: _ (extra space left due to new social awareness)
ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary) Eskimo ( ) American Indian ( ) Hispanic ( ) Asian ( ) African-American ( ) American-African ( ) Black-American ( ) Other Group With A Long History Of Oppression By White Males ( ) (specify, so we can help you form a political action group)
___________________________________________________
TYPE OF CARS OWNED (pick two): SAAB ( ) Volvo ( ) BMW ( ) Mercedes ( ) Honda ( )
You don't own any *American* cars, do you? NO ( )
CAR EQUIPMENT: Blaupunkt ( ) Passport ( ) Escort ( ) Vuarnet Sunglasses ( ) Stash ( ) CD ( ) Cellular Phone ( ) Ski Rack ( ) Bicycle Rack ( ) Wine Rack ( )
BUMPER STICKERS: "You can't hug a child with nuclear arms" ( ) "Greenpeace" ( ) "Dukakis/Bentsen" ( ) "Save the Whales" ( ) "Farms not Arms" ( )
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Gay ( ) Lesbian ( ) Other ( ) (note: failure to give the proper answer to the above means you can't live in certain towns on the Cape, or get elected to Congress)
FAVORITE CAUSE: Whales ( ) Baby Seals ( ) Snail Darter ( ) Total given to these causes in the last 12 months:
FAVORITE DRUGS: Crack ( ) Coke ( ) Grass ( ) Kitty's Diet Plan ( )
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?: (check all that apply) The Bomb ( ) Handguns ( ) All guns ( ) Nuclear Power ( ) Cigarettes ( ) The NRA ( ) Republicans ( )
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE LEGALIZED?: (check all that apply) Crack ( ) Coke ( ) Grass ( ) Needles ( ) Flag Burning ( )
FAVORITE BEER: Samuel Adams ( ) Beck's ( ) Corona(w/lime) ( ) Latest trendy brand ( )
FAVORITE POLITICIAN: Ted Kennedy ( ) John Kennedy ( ) Bobby Kennedy ( ) Joe Kennedy ( )
CLUB MEMBERSHIPS: ACLU ( ) Greenpeace ( ) SDS ( ) N.O.W. ( ) A.F.S.C.M.E ( ) Billy Bulger Breakfast Club ( ) Provincetown Boys Club ( ) Bull-dykes Kennel Club ( )
Even though we can't ever get any more power from Hydro-Quebec, don't you think that Seabrook should remain closed forever? YES ( )
Don't you think that the people in the Midwest should stop dropping acid rain on our vacation homes in Vermont, even if it means that they all lose their jobs? YES ( )
How many watts (per channel, RMS) is your principal home stereo? 100W ( ) 200W ( ) More than that ( )
How many air conditioners do you have to help you through our long New England summers?: 2 ( ) 3 ( ) 4 ( ) Central Air ( ) (note: Fewer than two A/C units may qualify you for state
subsidies if you are a non-white unemployed Democrat)
FAVORITE TV SHOW: Thirtysomething ( )
– Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.