GENWiki

        Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence

1. Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear

  bomb; use the stairs.

2. When you're flying through the air, remember to roll when you hit

  the ground.

3. If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.

4. Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead to

  psychological problems.

5. Food will be scarce; you will have to scavenge. Learn to recognize

  foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed potatoes,
  shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.

6. Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze; internal organs will

  be scarce in the post-nuclear age.

7. Try to be neat; fall only in designated piles.

8. Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas; people could be

  staggering illegally.

9. Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to ones, but more

  sanitary due to limited circulation.

10. Accumulate mannequins now; spare parts will be in short supply on

  D-Day.