GENWiki

"Some of these are cynical and some are sexist.  Apologies
if you are offended.  Enjoy the ones you find funny."

		      MARRIAGE HUMOR

     Mostly from ``Another Almanac of	Words at Play'', by Willard
     Espy.

  + ``It doesn't much signify whom one marries,	for one	is
    sure to find out next morning it was someone else.'' --
    Rogers

  + ``If you are afraid	of loneliness, don't marry.'' --
    Chekhov

  + ``The most happy marriage I	can picture would be the
    union of a deaf man	to a blind woman.'' -- Coleridge

  + ``Were it not for imagination, sir,	a man would be as
    happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a duchess.'' --
    Dr.	 Johnson

  + ``If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not
    beautiful.'' -- Haskins

  + ``A	man does not look behind the door unless he has
    stood there	himself.'' -- Du Bois

  + ``A	lover tries to stand in	well with the pet dog of
    the	house.'' -- Moliere

  + ``Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a
    confusion of the real with the ideal never goes
    unpunished.'' -- Goethe

  + ``In matrimony, to hesitate	is sometimes to	be saved.''
    -- Butler

  + ``A	woman may very well form a friendship with a man,
    but	for this to endure, it must be assisted	by a little
    physical antipathy.'' -- Nietzsche

  + ``Men who cherish for women	the highest respect are
    seldom popular with	them.''	-- author unknown

  + ``Woman inspires us	to great things, and prevents us
    from achieving them.'' -- Dumas

  + ``Nature has given women so	much power that	the law	has
    very wisely	given them little.'' --	Dr.  Johnson

  + ``The great	question... which I have not been able to
    answer... is, "What	does a woman want?''  -- Freud

  + ``Home life	as we understand it is no more natural to
    us than a cage is to a cockatoo.'' -- Shaw

  + ``Marriage is like a cage; one sees	the birds outside
    desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get
    out.''  -- Montaigne

  + ``For a male and female to live continuously together
    is...  biologically	speaking, an extremely unnatural
    condition.'' -- Robert Briffault

  + ``Marriage is low down, but	you spend the rest of your
    life paying	for it.'' -- Baskins

  + A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own
    flowers.

  + A man is not complete until	he is married -- then he is
    finished.

  + Marriage is	a rest period between romances.

  + Marriage is	the sole cause of divorce.

  + Marriage is	a trip between Niagra Falls and	Reno.

  + Marriage is	an institution -- but who wants	to live	in
    one?

  + Marriage is	the process of finding out what	kind of
    person your	spouse would have really preferred.

  + Marriage is	the triumph of imagination over
    intelligence.  Second marriage is the triumph of hope
    over experience.

  + Marriage is	not a word; it is a sentence.

– Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing. Remember: Only ONE joke per submission. Extra jokes may be rejected.