From gmw1@cunixd.cc.columbia.edu Wed Mar 15 18:30:05 1989 From: gmw1@cunixd.cc.columbia.edu (Gabe M Wiener) Subject: Writing a research paper Keywords: chuckle Date: 16 Mar 89 00:30:05 GMT
(This is one of those xeroxes you keep seeing in your desk drawer. No idea where it originated.)
GLOSSARY FOR RESEARCH PAPERS: Strictly Speaking
THEY WRITE THEY MEAN
It has long been known that… I haven't bothered to look up
the original reference
…of great theoretical and practical …interesting to me importance
While it has not been possible to The experiments didn't work provide definite answers to these out, but I figured I could at questions. least get a publication out
of it.
The W-Pb system was chosen as The fellow in the next lab had especially suitable to show the some already made up predicted behavior…
High purity… Composition unknown except Very high purity… for the exaggerated claims of Extremely high purity… the supplier Super-purity… Spectroscopically pure…
A fiducial reference line… A scratch
Three of the samples were The results of the others chosen for detailed study… didn't make sense and were
ignored..
…handled with extreme care during …not dropped on the floor the experiments
Typical results are shown… The best results are shown…
Although some detail has been lost It is impossible to tell from in reproduction, it is clear from the the micrograph original micrograph that…
Presumably at longer times… I didn't take the time to find
out
The agreement with the predicted fair curve is excellent
good poor
satisfactory doubtful
fair imaginary
…as good as could be expected non-existent
These results will be reported at I might get around to this a later date sometime
The most reliable values are those He was a student of mine of Jones
It is suggested that… It is believed that… I think… It may be that…
It is generally believed that…. I have such a good objection
to this answer that I shall now raise it.
It is clear that much additional I don't understand it work will be required before a complete understanding…
Unfortunately, a quantitative theory Neither does anybody else to account for these effects has not been formulated
Correct within an order of magnitude Wrong
It is to be hoped that this work This paper isn't very good but will stimulate further work in the field neither are any of the others
on this miserable subject
Thanks are due to Joe Glotz for Glotz did the work and Doe assistance with the experiments and explained what it meant. to John Doe for valuable discussions.
Gabe Wiener Columbia University – Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing. I reply to all submissions, but about 30% of the replies bounce.