GENWiki

                                   Chapter 7

                          EPITAPHS, FAMOUS LAST WORDS

                                 Miscellaneous

            The ashes of a person after cremation weigh about 4 pounds.

            Alexander  the  Great's  body  was submerged in honey.  Honey
       does not disintegrate and is a hermetic seal.

            Tibetians used to cut their dead into pieces  and  offer  the
       bits  as food to birds. This custom was practiced until only about
       forty years ago.

            Mary,  Queen  of  Scots  was  executed.    The   method   was
       decapitation  by  axe.  Evidently the axe wasn't very sharp, since
       the executioner had to hit her again and again fifteen times until
       her head came off.

            In  the  Renaissance  era,  people  who  were  condemned   to
       execution  had  to  bribe  their  executioners  to  do a quick and
       merciful job.

            The Nazi's thought the  guillotine  needed  improvement.  The
       version  that  the  used had the victims lay face up with the eyes
       propped open so that they wouldn't miss seeing anything.

                                    Epitaphs

            This epitaph can be found in Storrington Churchyard, England:
                      "Here lies the Body of Edward Hyde.
                       We laid him here because he died.

            Mary Keith Marshall's epitaph is in a graveyard in Kentucky:
                                 "She was good
                               but not brilliant;
                                   Useful but
                                  not great."

            King Robert III of Scotland wanted  this  epitaph:  (He  also
       requested to be buried in an anthill.)
            "Here  lies  the worst king and the most miserable man
             in the kingdom."

            This is the epitaph of Ellen Shannon which speaks for itself:
                             Who was fatally burned
                                 March 21, 1870
                           by the explosion of a lamp
                          filled with "R.E. Danforth's
                                 Non-Explosive
                                Burning Fluid."

            John Brown, a  dentist's epitaph:
                          Stranger! Approach this spot
                                 with gravity!
                             John Brown is filling
                               his last cavity."

            This one was from a woman who had never married:
                         "No hits, no runs, no heirs."

            This epitaph was written for a young baby:
                          Ope'd my eyes, took a peep;
                        Didn't like it, went to sleep."

            William Shakespeare's epitaph:
            "Good friend, for Jesus' sake forbear, to dig  the  dust
            enclosed  here!   Blessed  be  the man that spares these
            stones, and cursed be he that moves my bones."

            Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr's epitaph:
                         "Free at last, free  at  last,
                     thank God Almighty I'm free at last."

            W.C. Fields' epitaph:
               "On the whole I would rather be in Philadelphia."

            George Bernard Shaw's epitaph:
            "I knew if I stayed around long enough,  something  like
            this would happen."

                      Famous Last Words

            Pablo Picasso's last words were, "Drink to me."

            On  February  14,  1884,  an  artist  was  painting President
       Franklin D.  Roosevelt, who announced, "Well,  we've  got  fifteen
       minutes more to work." He then died of a stroke.

            The  last  thing  Lou  Costello  did was eat a strawberry ice
       cream soda.  The last thing he said was, "That was  the  best  ice
       cream soda I ever tasted."

            Perhaps the most famous last words in all history were spoken
       by  Major  general  John  Sedgwich  in  the  Civil  War  battle of
       Spottsylvania.  He said, "Why, they couldn't hit  an  elephant  at
       this dist..."

            On the Fourth of July, 1826, exactly 50 years  after  signing
       the  Declaration  of  Independence,  the  American  President John
       Adams' last words were, "Thomas Jefferson still survives." He  was
       wrong. Thomas Jefferson died the same day.

            Leonardo da Vinci's last words were, "I have offended God and
       mankind because my work didn't reach the quality it should have."

            H.G.  Wells  last  words  were,  "Go away, I'm all right!" He
       couldn't have been further from the truth.

            The last thing P.T. Barnum wondered about  as  he  lay  dying
       was:  "How  were  the  circus  receipts  today  at  Madison Square
       Garden?"

            Last  words of Carl Panzram, mass murderer: "I wish the whole
       human race had one neck and I had my hands on it."

            James Rogers, when standing before his firing squad was asked
       if he had a last request. He  answered,  "Why,  yes,  I'd  like  a
       bulletproof vest."

            William Palmer was sentenced to the gallows.  As the rope was
       put  around his head and he stood on the trap door in the floor he
       asked, "Are you sure it's safe?"

            Dominique Bouhours, a grammarian, had these last words: "I am
       about to - or I am going to - die: either expression is used."

            The  physicist  James  Croll  wanted  a  glass  of Scotch. He
       stated, "I don't think there's much fear of me learning  to  drink
       now."

            The  last  words  of Fontenelle were, " I suffer nothing, but
       feel a sort of difficulty in living longer."

            The last words of Benjamin Franklin:  "A  dying  man  can  do
       nothing easy."

            The last words of King  Louis  XVIII.   "A  king  should  die
       standing."

            The  Thing  Lord  Thurlow  said was, "I'll be shot if I don't
       believe I'm dying."

            The  last  words  of  Georg  Wilhelm  Hegel:  "Only  one  man
       understood me ...  and he didn't understand."

            The  big-time  gangster  Arnold  Rothstein was asked who shot
       him.  Keeping faithful to the gangster tradition of  secrecy  even
       as he was dying, he said, "Me mudder did it."