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Path: uuwest!spies!apple!usc!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!lll-winken!looking!watmath!maytag!oddjob!watserv1!looking!funny-request From: ken@aiai.edinburgh.ac.uk (Ken Johnson) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: Doughnuts (From talk.bizarre) Keywords: original, smirk, stereotypes Message-ID: S197.5f77@looking.on.ca Date: 28 Sep 90 23:30:07 GMT Lines: 143 Approved: funny@looking.on.ca

           _ A_ n_ a_ r_ c_ h_ y You steal a doughnut.
             _ A_ s_ c_ i_ i o Doughnut. * Squashed doughnut. _ Very
                   squashed doughnut.
              _ B_ i_ f_ f HEY! THIS DOHGNUT J0KS ARE PRITY FUNY
                   I"VE NEVER HERD THEM BEFOUR,, I L1KE
                   DOUGHUNTS BECOS THERE ALL SUGARRY.
      _ B_ r_ i_ t_ i_ s_ h _ R_ a_ i_ l All doughnuts subject to delay and
                   cancellation due to, etc.
          _ B_ u_ d_ d_ h_ i_ s_ m God is a doughnut, and God is not a
                   doughnut.
       _ B_ u_ r_ e_ a_ u_ c_ r_ a_ c_ y The State takes your doughnut away and
                   then refuses to let you buy another
                   doughnut because you already have one.
        _ C_ a_ p_ i_ t_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m You buy a doughnut.
       _ C_ a_ t_ h_ o_ l_ i_ c_ i_ s_ m The priest blesses the doughnut and you
                   mustn't chew it.
      _ C_ h_ r_ i_ s_ t_ i_ a_ n_ i_ t_ y I was hungry, and ye gave me a
                   doughnut.
 _ C_ h_ u_ r_ c_ h _ o_ f _ E_ n_ g_ l_ a_ n_ d You know, in a very real sense, God is
                   a doughnut.
         _ C_ o_ m_ m_ u_ n_ i_ s_ m The State sells you a doughnut.
     _ C_ o_ n_ f_ u_ s_ c_ i_ a_ n_ i_ s_ m Confuscius he say doughnut.
           _ C_ r_ i_ c_ k_ e_ t Thanks to Mrs Emily Crunge of
                   Lanarkshire for sending me these
                   delicious cream doughnuts. I don't
                   think there's been a >chomp< doughnut
                   article quite like this since Flapjack
                   posted one for the West Indies in 1823,
                   and he >chew< went on to win the series
                   by four wickets. He was left-handed, of
                   course; I don't know if that made a
                   difference.
              _ D_ H_ S_ S You can't have a doughnut, and even if
                   you could, you'd have to give it all
                   back straight away.
        _ D_ a_ v_ i_ d _ O_ w_ e_ n When I was Foreign Secretary I would
                   have dealt with, etc.
      _ D_ i_ c_ t_ a_ t_ o_ r_ s_ h_ i_ p Buy a doughnut, or else.
    _ D_ o_ u_ g_ l_ a_ s _ A_ d_ d_ a_ m_ s Doughnuts are actually an alien life
                   form from a distant, etc.
_ E_ d_ i_ n_ b_ u_ r_ g_ h _ F_ e_ s_ t_ i_ v_ a_ l You watch someone else steal a
                   doughnut.
     _ E_ d_ w_ i_ n_ a _ C_ u_ r_ r_ i_ e Doughnuts are infected with salmonella,
                   tarantella, cinderella, valpolicella,
                   winecella, rockefella, umbrella etc.
       _ E_ u_ n_ e_ t._ j_ o_ k_ e_ s What's brown, soft and sticky? ^L Give
                   up? ^L A doughnut.
          _ E_ u_ r_ o_ p_ e_ a_ n The State pays for a doughnut and the
                   EEC pays you to eat it.
           _ F_ a_ n_ t_ a_ s_ y Just when you were about to starve you
                   find a doughnut.
           _ F_ a_ s_ c_ i_ s_ m The storm-troopers eat your doughnut
                   and shoot you.
          _ F_ e_ m_ i_ n_ i_ s_ t Wimmin, doughnut, repressed, sisters,
                   male dominated, etc.
         _ F_ o_ l_ k _ s_ o_ n_ g `Doughnut forsake me, oh my darling!'
          _ F_ o_ o_ t_ b_ a_ l_ l 'Ere we dough, 'ere we dough, 'ere we
                   dough, 'ere we dough, etc.
    _ F_ u_ n_ d_ a_ m_ e_ n_ t_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m Doughnuts are an abomination unto the
                   Lord, etc.

_ G_ l_ y_ n_ d_ e_ b_ o_ u_ r_ n_ e _ F_ e_ s_ t_ i_ v_ a_ l You watch someone else steal a doughnut

                   and then listen to her sing a song
                   about it.
              _ H_ a_ c_ k R.I.P. ken 225 Au killed by a doughnut.
       _ H_ e_ a_ l_ t_ h _ F_ a_ r_ m You don't eat a doughnut.
             _ I_ s_ l_ a_ m The religious police beat you up and
                   chop your hands off.
          _ K_ i_ n_ n_ o_ c_ k  Doughnuts are down 50% in real terms
                   over the doughnuts produced during the
                   last Labour government, etc.

_ L_ a_ b_ o_ u_ r _ P_ a_ r_ t_ y _ S_ o_ c_ i_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m The State sells you a doughnut, only

                   there aren't any, and it's all the
                   Tories' fault.
          _ L_ i_ b_ e_ r_ a_ l_ s Doughnuts are 50% the same in real
                   terms as the doughnuts produced during
                   the last Labour government, etc.
     _ L_ o_ c_ a_ l _ C_ o_ u_ n_ c_ i_ l You can have a doughnut, if you pay the
                   right people.
  _ L_ o_ n_ d_ o_ n _ T_ r_ a_ n_ s_ p_ o_ r_ t Doughnut alight while bus is in motion.
             _ L_ o_ o_ n_ y You are a doughnut. I am a doughnut. I
                   am not a doughnut.
           _ M_ a_ r_ x_ i_ s_ m The State takes your doughnut away and
                   gives it to someone who hasn't got a
                   doughnut.
         _ M_ i_ s-_ s_ p_ e_ l_ t U bi er donut an u eet itt.
               _ N_ H_ S There's a two-year waiting list for
                   doughnuts, but of course if you were to
                   buy one privately you could have it
                   tomorrow.

_ N_ o_ t_ t_ i_ n_ g _ H_ i_ l_ l _ C_ a_ r_ n_ i_ v_ a_ l You watch someone else steal a doughnut

                   and then the police come along and nick
                   him.
         _ O_ l_ i_ g_ a_ r_ c_ h_ y You can have a doughnut, if you know
                   the right people.
    _ P_ e_ n_ t_ e_ c_ o_ s_ t_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m You feed a crowd of 5000 people on one
                   doughnut.
            _ P_ o_ e_ t_ r_ y You are/a doughnut./I am/a doughnut./I
                   am/not/a doughnut.
           _ R_ e_ a_ l_ i_ t_ y Just when you were about to starve you
                   didn't find a doughnut.

_ S_ c_ o_ t_ t_ i_ s_ h _ N_ a_ t_ i_ o_ n_ a_ l_ i_ s_ t Ye ken aboot doughnuts? It's cos of

                   they bastard English, that's why, an'
                   fuck off the noo.
         _ S_ o_ c_ i_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m The State gives you a doughnut.
     _ S_ o_ u_ t_ h _ A_ f_ r_ i_ c_ a_ n Dese is for whites only. You bleks get
                   a dog biscuit.
  _ S_ o_ v_ i_ e_ t _ C_ o_ m_ m_ u_ n_ i_ s_ m The State sells you a doughnut, only
                   there aren't any.
         _ S_ t_ a_ l_ i_ n_ i_ s_ m The State takes your doughnut away,
                   eats it, and tells you that they gave
                   it to someone who hadn't got a
                   doughnut.
      _ S_ u_ n_ d_ a_ y _ S_ p_ o_ r_ t Killer Doughnuts on Spanking Sex
                   Panties Rampage at North Pole
          _ S_ w_ i_ m_ m_ i_ n_ g Blug blug blug blug fluffle doughnublug
                   blug.
       _ T_ a_ m _ D_ a_ l_ y_ e_ l_ l The `Belgrano' was steaming on a
                   bearing 260 degrees, etc.
          _ T_ h_ a_ s_ c_ i_ s_ m You sell a doughnut and buy a bigger
                   doughnut.
          _ T_ h_ a_ t_ c_ h_ e_ r Doughnuts are up 50% in real terms over
                   the doughnuts produced during the last
                   Labour government, etc.

_ T_ r_ a_ d_ e_ s _ U_ n_ i_ o_ n _ s_ o_ c_ i_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m The State sells you a doughnut, and you

                   go on strike.
              _ U_ n_ i_ x Sticky bit not set.
       _ W_ a_ d_ d_ i_ n_ g_ t_ o_ n_ s Doughnut! The new, amazing, fantastic
                   game for all the family!
 _ W_ e_ l_ s_ h _ N_ a_ t_ i_ o_ n_ a_ l_ i_ s_ t Onid oes chwarae maesteg doughnut
                   llanfairpwll defaid.
       _ W_ i_ n_ e _ W_ e_ e_ k_ l_ y A fine, well-rounded doughnut with an
                   amusing jam after-taste
               _ Z_ e_ n What is the sound of one doughnut
                   clapping?
        _ Z_ i_ m_ b_ a_ b_ w_ e_ a_ n Dese is for blacks only. You whites get
                   beat up.

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