STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM (posted by Sean Paswater) (original by David Parsons) (who stole it from George McQuary) (who shamelessly appropriated the idea from Dave Sweeney)
I took exception to your recent _ post to _. (newsgroup) _ email
It was (check all that apply):
_ lame. _ stupid. _ boring. _ obvious killfile fodder. _ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable. Your attention is drawn to the fact that: _ what you posted/said has been done before.
(Mark only if above checked) ___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
_ your post/mail was a pathetic imitation of _. (net.personality) _ your post/mail originated on FidoNet. _ your post/mail originated on Delphi. _ your post/mail originated on AOL. _ your post/mail was intended to be email/a post. _ your post/mail originated on a BBS. _ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or Notesfile. _ your post contained commercial advertising.
THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
Usenet News
Network Security & Standards Patrol
2300 Davenport C-9
Knoxville, TN 37920-2165
or your posting privileges will be cancelled.
_ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors. _ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors. _ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!! _ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission. _ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission. _ your post/letter was an obvious forgery.
(Mark only if above checked) ___ It was done clumsily.
_ you have a lame login name. _ your machine has a stupid name. _ your attempt at a middle name fell flat. (Mark only if above checked) _ Painfully. _ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text. _ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!" _ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added _ lines of
text.
_ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]". (Mark only if above checked) _ *Without* adding "<form of representation> at 11". _ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group". _ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you. _ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you. _ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider. _ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line. _ you have no .sig . _ your .sig is longer than four lines. (Mark only if above checked) _ And your newsreader truncated it. _ your .sig is wider than 80 columns. _ your .sig is tabdamaged. _ your .sig is longer than your included text. _ your .sig is longer than the entire rest of your post. _ your .sig approacheth Kibo's in length. _ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es). (Mark only if above checked) ___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code. ___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls. ___ you included a stupid disclaimer. (Mark only if above also) ___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed. (Mark only if above also) ___ Miserably. ___ you included: (Mark all that apply) ___ a stupid self-quote. ___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody. ___ a stupid quote from (Mark all that apply) ___ Rush Limbaugh. ___ Dan Quayle. ___ a rock band member. (Mark only if above also) ___ from Rush. ___ (one of) the United Stated Founding Father(s). ___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead. ___ lame ASCII fonts ___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply): ___ USS Enterprise ___ Australia ___ The Amiga logo ___ Company logo (Mark only if above also) ___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer. ___ Bicycle ___ Bart Simpson ___ Sword ___ Dinosaur ___ Cat/Dog (Mark only if above also) ___ plural ___ excessive misuse of punctuation marks, namely __________ ___ excessive whitespace
Furthermore:
_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of _
(newsgroup)
_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net. _ You are a loser. _ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this clueless. _ *plonk* _ This has been pointed out to you before. _ It is recommended that you:
(Mark all that apply) ___ Go Away. Now. ___ stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up. ___ find a volcano and throw yourself in. ___ get a gun and shoot yourself. ___ stop reading Usenet news and get a life. ___ stop sending email and get a life. ___ consume excrement. ___ consume excrement and thus expire.
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