From: owner-humor To: Multiple recipients of list HUMOR Subject: Addr: Merit Badges for Man Scouts (clean) Date: Monday, April 11, 1994 9:02AM
FROM: Kevin R. Cain
MERIT BADGES FOR MAN SCOUTS
BBQ CUISINE: A true Man Scout must be able to start a fire, either by rubbing sticks or by using Match-Light briquettes. He must then burn all burgers, dogs and marshmallows and convince his guests that ketchup and mayo constitute a secret sauce.
WINE TASTING: The Man Scout must properly master such words as nutty, daring, assertive, mincing and perspicacious, and apply them convincingly to a beverage. A Man Scout never exclaims, "That sucker really hit the spot", and he must be able to explain the difference between an oenophile and a onanist.
URBAN SURVIVAL: The Man Scout must catch a cabdriver trying to take the long way, be able to discern which of three panhandlers deserves a handout, know which parts of town to avoid at night and be able to keep a car stereo from being stolen for six consecutive months (entire car being stolen counts the same as stolen stereo).
JOCK TALK: To win a jock-talk badge, Man Scouts prove their mastery of the virile art of sports conversation. In drunken scout troops gathered near wide-screen television, they must take turns evaluating pro-jocks' performances, citing their statistics and placing them in historical perspective.
HOME REPAIR: Man Scouts engage in the modern version of a barn raising by rehabbing a suburban home in one day. Their provisions include tool belts, saws, lathes, sanders, shingles, a cement truck and 50 six-packs. While whistling the theme song to "This Old House*", they must rehab the home and add a rec room before sunset, or run a lathe for one hour without amputating any Man Scout appendages.
* For our non-USA readers, "This Old House" is a home improvement show on National Public Television.