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In ancient China, Master Ho was the supreme artist of the martial arts. Over many years he perfected his skill, physically, intellectually, and ….vocally. Master Ho became so skilled with the use of his voice that he developed the ability simply to speak his name in a humorous way and his opponent would fall over laughing. Then Ho could do as he wished with the enemy. It was the pinnacle of the art.

The opponent would attack. Ho would step back, without even raising his hands, "Ho! Ho!" he'd say. The opponent would fall back, disarmed and smiling. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Ho would say. The opponent would bend over, convulsed with laughter. Ho would step forward, touch his enemy on the neck with a slight pressure, and the man would fall over dead.

In his many studies Santa learned about Master Ho. Chinese history leaves a complete record of Ho's techniques – Santa decided to try them. His purpose, though, wasn't to overwhelm and kill. Instead he hoped simply to master the art of making people laugh.

Santa practiced for many years, gradually gaining more and more skill with Ho Karate. He practiced on Mrs. Claus; he practiced on the elves. Finally he felt he was ready t try it on an outsider. He crept down a chimney in Liverpool, England, and found he was face to face with a befuddled homeowner.

"What in the world–" the homeowner started.

"Ho! Ho!" Santa said, and the homeowner smiled. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" and the homeowner started to laugh out loud.

Fake Santa's can say "Ho! Ho! Ho!" with no effect whatsoever. But when Santa says it, people laugh! They can't help themselves. They laugh until the tears roll out of their eyes. They laugh in guffaws and chuckles and giggles. Their eyes squeeze together; their lips turn up; their cheeks push up ever-so-slightly; their mouths open wide – and there it comes!


"Ho!" alone has little power. It can be effective for getting started, however. Once one "Ho!" has been sounded, it's difficult to prevent another from rolling across the lips. One "Ho!" is also used to alert the listener that the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" is about to be sounded.

"Ho! Ho!" is effective in creating a smile. The sound is so inherently mirthful that the listener smiles just in hearing it – just as the reader is now smiling in thinking of that delectable sound of "Ho! Ho!" "Ho! Ho!" is rarely used without going to the third step of HOs, though the speaker with great self-control CAN limit himself to two HOs.

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" is the zenith of the art. If said correctly, it gives the speaker overwhelming power over the listener. Each AITCH should be carefully aspirated; each OH should be spoken clearly, but cut off short. OHs that are drawn out lose their punch. Once a single set of "Ho! Ho! Ho!" has been pronounced, a second should not be spoken to that listener for quite some time, or his body will grow unbearably weak from the release of joyous energy.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!" is overdoing the whole thing, and should be totally avoided. Those who sink so low as to speak four HOs in succession have no right to the art at all.

   WARNING:  Don't try the powerful "Ho! Ho! Ho!" on Santa.  You may
       have some innate abilities with the art, and Santa may
       fall down in laughter, making him late for the rest of
       his rounds.

/data/webs/external/dokuwiki/data/pages/archive/holiday/ · Last modified: 1999/08/01 17:51 by

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