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archive:holiday:anti_val.day

Date: Fri, 18 Feb 94 3:20:02 EST Subject: Anti Valentine's Day Party results From: ehoogerb@eo.com (Edwin Hoogerbeets)

In Canada and the US, St. Valentine's Day is used as a day to celebrate love, where lovers get together and be romantic. And of course, businesses use it as a chance to sell lots of cheesy cards and other merchandise.

Despite the commercialism, we single people often feel left out, or worse, feel inadequate because we have no-one to whom we can send Valentine's greetings. Well, I thought that was pretty stupid. Enough of that shit.

Borrowing an idea from friends up north (hi guys), a friend and I organized an Anti-Valentine's Day Party only for single people. We told people to bring a top 5 list of reasons why it's better to be single than to be in a relationship. The reasons were collect and arranged here in a Top 10 list for your enjoyment:

10. You get to go to cool Anti-Valentine's Day parties instead of buying

 cards and flowers.

9. Toilet seat stays DOWN. (from a woman)

 The toilet seat stays UP. (from a man)
 (Yes, there was a heated debate on both sides about what is the 
 proper thing to do. The jury is still out.)

8. Morning cotton mouth is OKAY – and the makers of Scope can just

 go FUCK OFF.

7. I can watch anything I want – no channel surfing. (from a woman)

 The remote control is mine, mine, MINE!            (from a man)

6. Your grocery bill will go down by 75%. (from a woman)

 (My bill would probably go up by 25% ;)

5. No more shoe prints on the bed sheets.

 (She wouldn't offer an explanation, but the word "traction" was
 bandied about.)

4. Rude comments such as "You're looking a little thick in the thighs,

 dear," are mercifully absent from my life!

3. You never have to lie when saying, "I love you."

2. You don't have to sleep in the wet spot if you don't want to.

 (One woman upon hearing this said, "If you're single, why would
  there be a... never mind.")

And the number one reason is:

1. You know the pubic hair in the peanut butter is yours. (you hope)

 (This woman also refused to explain herself.)

Edwin Hoogerbeets, with the help of many single friends ehoogerb@eo.com

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