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archive:food:cooking.jok

(These are from my brother-in-law, Bob Ekstrom, in Pitt, MN:)

tongue:

  A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly
  crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of
  dead cow.

yogurt:

  Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated
  and fermented milk.  Yogurt is one of only three foods
  that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other
  two are goulash and squid.

recipe:

  A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing
  ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't
  own, to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.

porridge:

  Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since
  children were granted the right to sue their parents.
  The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid",
  "hORRId" and "sluDGE".

preheat:

  To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time
  before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be
  burned when the food is put in, as well as when it
  is removed.

oven:

  Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky
  pieces of meat and poultry.

microwave oven:

  Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle
  of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food
  placed within the cooking compartment.

calorie:

  Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by
  the average individual prior to taking a second helping
  of a particular food.

arab coffee:

  Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in
  tiny cups at gunpoint.

/data/webs/external/dokuwiki/data/pages/archive/food/cooking.jok.txt · Last modified: 1999/08/14 05:39 by 127.0.0.1

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