Subject: Spokes: BEER WARNING LABELS
Due to increasing product liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the
following
warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN !!!
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.