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Ho Ho Con 91…


Crimson Death as Terminal Illness: Sysop of Cyberwaste

Count Zero as co-conspiritor with Crimson Death and creator of the name "Cyberwaste" and bearer of the Demonseed remote scam-cam.

Morpheus as the crazed inventor of the K-RAD cyber drug Marshmellow HEX, the drug of choice for BellCore employees across America.

Doc Cypher: Imperial gizzard and sheriff of !ingham, Marshmellow HE>< junkie extrordinairre.

Holistic Hacker, Jolt and coremonger, ceo erptech transplanetary

Phrack Classsic : PROPHILE : 0/\/\aR!!!1!!

hOW LONG HAVE YOU looked like Cliff Stoll, Omar?

Fuck You. I don't want that in her there.

What do you think of Scot?

Scot's a nice, he's a great guy, but don't leave him alone with your daughter and a box cutter.

Switching to Chris Goggans of MOD.

Chris, how long have you been programming in Unix?

OMAR : Bruce Sterling introduced me into programming Unix. I was fascinated to learn that there were no people at the SS who knew how to program in Unix.

Chris, what's in the future for MOD?

CG: Soap on a rope.

Any closing comments?

Watch your ass around coredumps. Tell your friends to leave the room when you feel an 8 or 9 megger coming on.

CG: It's time for some more water.

Omar: I look forward to more Matrix Coredump experience the cyberfuture.

omar : Gunnar.

Fat Boy Crimson Death : Hey Gunnar. Gunnar's got my terminal.

Bruce Sterling : Who stole my Unix Programming manual?

World View Staff : Nobody Bruce. You left it in the Cyberspace Matrix.

<Switched to Count Zer0>

Chow down on some Cyber-snackage…..Ruffles have cyber-ridges…

JD: Terminal Illness is my cyber-friend

Dispater: Call Speed Cyberwaste Elite / World H.q 1000's of Viruses and Dust

         Motes that are about 3 microns thick4and bombard your eyes.
         anyway the sysop is Terminal Ilness!!!!!!!!

<switched to G.A. Ellsworth>

and here's where you find the and uh, ok.

So uh, this is the uh, and this is…the…uh…deal.

and uh…I do a lot of social engineering. And it's harsh.

switched to White Knight

Leena kept asking me, over and over, 'What happened to Kilo? After the paint meeting, he was gone…'

Kevin: Monster Trucks!!!! g0 WiTH iT!

Holistic: My name is John, and i'm a caffine abuser.

CD: Every new handle change comes with a complementary issue of phrack

Steve (lawer): …and let's talk now about CIVIL LIBERTIES

CD: Cyberwaste – The only BBS with 5 gigs of monster truck gifs,

   and sponsoring Demon Seed Elite the big bad ass of cyberhell monster
   truckdom... god protect us all from dust moats...

G.A. The only monster truck that can box Alliance.

Broadway Hacker: Too bad The Blade didn't show I wanted to fuck him up the but… by the way… hows your balls?!??

Morpheus: Check out CYBERWASTE! Now sponsoring the one and only alt.monstertrucks moderated by Terminal Illness. Now time to get cyberwasted on dustmotes..

<L.E. Pirate>

..phuk cDc in tha b00teez!! blAk sEptEbuR bak an on da rize g! werd 2 ya mutha.. swamp ratte = phag kween.. bsept in 92!!!!1!!1!!

"The strippers are here!" - k0dez kidz

<file interrupted for herds of k0DeZz k1dzZz running down the hall looking for naked girlies.>

Stripper: "Oh my gawd!" Translated: "I'm not taking my clothes off for a buncha COMPUTER GEEKS!"

<phAnt0m t0aSt>




I'm sorry but those dancers were 2 of the ugliest beasts I've ever seen in my life.

C0dEz dorK: Ho Ho Ho's.

G.A.: Smells like Teen Spirit…

New Prophile… Erik Bloodaxe.

Chris, what did you think of those rad dancers?

Made me wish I had charged up my cattle prod.

I wish I brought my box cutter personally - Omar.

Did I see a fat girl dancing on the table?`With huge porcupine tits sagging?`She was going, "Hey big boy!@!!!". - Arch Agel.

I'm alot more entertained now Omar. About 3 hours I was alot less entertained. - Erik Bloodaxe.

There's a bunch of drug crazed lemmings out there - Omar.

Well, gee, I've gotta piss..there's probably some traces (of drugs) in there if you want them.. - Erik Bloodaxe.

What exactly is this masterpice you've been working on - Erik Bloodaxe.

Blackmail..that's what it is. - Erik Bloodaxe.

I gave one of them money when they were done, and they didn't even have to squirm all over me. I'm such a nice guy. -Swamp Ratte'

I took a serious coredump today.. didn't take too much processing. - A. Angel

It was obvious you had a couple of beers last night - L. Macduff to Arch A.

So, Omar.. what did you think of those bAbeolOusous dAnzurZ? - Holistic

Drunkfux was the hit with the good looking ones.. chicks dig Nelson. If Dispater hadn't paid them, they'd all be sucking his dick right now.

Arch Angel - Hey..the fat one knocked over the radio..

We were at least going to be economical about it.. I had it down to 10 people for 3 hits of acid.. in Gunnar's suite.

This lasted for 2 hours?`- Lord Macduff

It looked like the Wizard of Oz here.. with all the fingers pointing. - Arch.

So Everyone..what did you think of the babEz?

We were talking about Alpha Bits with Hex Marshmallows.. and on the back you've got a hex-ascii converter.

Demonseed is everywhere, yet nowhere…it is everything, yet nothing, but maybe just a bunch of little things…. -Count Zero

Something that even virtually reality could entice..or even begin to describe this fiasco of cyber whores from the matrix that have been beckenforthed..

Just remember..this is not your father's HoHoCon. - Holistic

4:44am - Omar lost his mind. Demon seed woke up and gained more power.


I feel the need for a song. abstract, of course.

Tawk tawk tawking bout sum cyber stuff Like Demon Roach's new Monster Truck sub Matrix hoppin we will go In search of the hex marshmallow Come now, come now, do not pace We're off to call cyberwaste The new beast known as demon seed Run over your head and make you bleed Decryption of the message I soon will start For I have the hex-ascii chart Fat, skanky dancers running all around Wonder how many STD's Dispater has now What made me sick was the one's hairy mole Did I mention that Omar looks like "Suck my d1<K brian!" Bruce taught me how to program in Unix and Hack C Omar had his picture taken with E.T. This is it.. I must go.. I may finish later.. I don't know

              In order of appearance:

The Summoning of Demon Seed…

Blackness was all around in the Hilton parking lot… the power was strong and we knew Demon Seed Elite might appear any second from the power of pre-puberty crazed glangular overactive k0dez kids… a hush fell over the parking lot and we suddenly felt irrated for some reason – yes we knew that tonite WAS the nite for the coming of Demon Seed Elite. Suddenly, a hush fell over the parking lot. A herd of K0dez kids wandered by in search of K-rad cyber-strippers. In a flash of blue light and clouds of 10 micron dust motes, Demon Seed Elite materialized. It's blazing CGA monitors flashing with menace, it descended on the nerdlings with fury….

The beams shot forth from the blazing monitors searing the flesh of the huddled masses. The first casualty was a gangly young codester, twitchintg with the expectations of the looming nudity. The firey beams struck him at the base of his spine, ripping flech from bone, sending a shower of blood over the remainaing hacking horde. The energy expuled from the first kill powered on the energy seeking transformer of demon seed. The k0dez kids cried out in escatsy knowing that cheezy motel porn was no more in their bloodthirst of fat sleezy cybernetic whores, they had a bigger thing to worry about right now it is demon seed elite.

As the k-rad K00L smoke cleared, demn seed elite appeared…again… The drolls of the M0D special issue cybernetic cotton gin's drolls permeated the cybernetic battlefield…with dung…cybernetic dung: the dung of the Demon Seed.

The thousands of pixels which made the eye of the cyberwaste cast its watchful gaze on the terrain some 6,700,000 miles below, methodologically scanning the payphones of the known universe for the brief flash of a KaLl1Ng KaRD!!11!1!

yet we have not taken the time to discuss the true meaning of demon seed, for he has the untmost pirating cabilities… demon seed needs no ratio or time limit for everyone knows the k-rad warez of the future that sp00geD out of the bed of demon seed… for he has the power to travel into the future and get games that have yet to be created in our present time…

Then the EELYTE surviors beheld to our surprise and delight Clifford Stoll himself sat in the passenger seat, cluthing a pipe His hands were all shaking, just like a speed freak He spit when he laughed, and we called him a geek "It's the COOKIES!" he exclaimed, "Not the speed or the blow" "Don't end up like me! Please, just say no!" The truck rattled and shook, the license plate read "K-K00L" As it drove away, all we could do was sit, gape, and drool."

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