Yep, just when you thought it was safe! (Oh the horror of it all) MORE ARGUS HACKERS!! yay. Anyway, here's the talk me and Mr. hacker had */
Disclaimer: This is nowhere near as funny as mine and Kingpin's first Argus hacker installment was. But some of it is funny. Just check out some of his blatant lies.
L = Him (His handle was 'Loop' for anyone else who wants to torment him) CM = Me
P.S. - I hope you all like the C-style comments :) /* */
CM: well, you're a hacker?
L: WHo told you?
CM: haha…it's in your registry /* his stupidity already showing */
L: It is???? /* No, I imagined it..duh! */
CM: yep…it says you like to 'hack and phreak' /* gave me goosebumps..NOT! */
L: ooh shit, I have to change that before someone else sees it
/* yeah, like his friends and they laugh him out of town */
CM: hahaha….so, are you though?
L: Well, I must learn about yourself first…
/* he stopped typing for a minute or two here so: */
CM: are you alive?
L: st /* must be some funky hacker code! hah */
L: , before I go spilling my stuff
L: fgh L: hf L: g L: f CM: H CM: e CM: ,llo?
L: what the hell wa
/* that was your modem getting sick of all the bullshit you're saying */
CM: what was that?
L: Wow…. something just got fucked…. anyway…..
CM: shit…hold on…I'll brb
/* I exited chat for a few here… */
…Okay, exiting chat… * From Loop: Hi * From Loop: hi :chat loop Ok, Loop has been notified of your request to chat. :* Loop has accepted your request to chat! * Chat Mode Activated *** WARNING - DO NOT type your PASSWORD at any time while in chat mode!!! Type 'X' on a blank line to exit.
CM: So, what would you like to know?
L: huh??? Me like to know?
CM: yeah….I asked if you were a hacker and you said you have to know more
about myself first.
/* I think maybe he is gay */
L: Well then,, go ahead.
CM: what do you want to know?
L: Age, Location, ummmm. Where do you call up. (BBSes) /* Really? I thought
you meant pizza places!! */
CM: 23, South Boston, ATDT, Plan 9, The internet
L: What's your int. address
CM: firstname.lastname@example.org and email@example.com
L: What the fuck? /* he gets what he asks for and then doesn't know what it
CM: those are my two internet addresses.
/* I actually wanted to say fuck off, bozo and log him off */
L: ooh. It looked a bit long /* his glasses are all steamed up from viewing
the X-rated GIFs and he can't see well */
CM: didn't you see the 'and' ?
L: I've got crazy ln tonight
L: line noise
CM: oh…duh…anyway, so, you're a hacker, no?
L: sort of
CM: what have you hacked?
L: Well, most MBBS s are easy once you've done one.
/* right around here I started getting nervous from being in the presence of
this Jesse James of the hacking world. YEAH RIGHT. */
CM: I see….so is MBBS all you hack?
NO! There are local switches, and my favorite international one in the bahamas
/* I have no idea what he is babbling about */
CM: uh, I'm not sure what you're talking about…but anyway, what else have you hacked?
L: Not all hackers are by themselves! I hack and phreak with my friends.
/* still hasn't answered my question. Perhaps he is lobotomized… */
CM: cool. is there a group name?
L: We havent come up with one for some stupid reasons
/* and that stupid reason is that the group doesn't exist */
CM: interesting….so, how do you phreak?
L: Boxes, mfers, switches you kknow
CM: boxes? /* play dumb */
L: Blue boxes, black boxes…..
CM: black boxes? do they still work?
L: In some places
CM: oic….so, what boards are you on?
L: I was on hog, now WOW! A BIG ASS ROACH JUST BIT MY FOOT!
/* was on HoG? I must've deleted this dickwad when I was RemOp */
CM: kill it! /* hurry, it's your mother! */
L: done /* good now if I can only get him to kill himself */
CM: good….now, what boards are you on?
L: I was onn HHoG, (It was raided) Now, on zopperdot, here just to talk,
and other fa ffar awway onnnes.
/* zapperdot. non existant as far as I am concerned. Anyone else hear of it?
HoG. Raided. That's pretty funny. I just called five minutes ago */
CM: cool….too bad about HoG though….I've never heard of it/never called
there...what did they have online?
L: Everything Someone llike me would want.
/* roundabout answers mean only thing: person giving them doesn't know jack
CM: interesting…and what is that? Oh, and do you know of any local groups around here?
L: UGG's? /* fucking girl scouts, dickhead…what do you think? */
CM: excuse me?
L: User groups?
CM: no, uh, well, you know: h/p groups or anything…
L: Hacks don't use those /* don't use them? how do you use a group? */
CM: I thought there were some groups around here?
L: Well, BBSes /* No, loser. groups. not BBSes. */
CM: no, I mean groups of hackers….and they all go by a certain name….
L: One question: Whhy are you so interested
/* talking to imeciles always makes my day */
CM: because it is a fascinating subject….and I am writing a story on it…
L: Maybe I shoould stop then
L: WRITING A STORY! /* the amazement of using his brain just hit him */
CM: yeah, so? it's not like I have your real name or anything…
L: Well, we have reputationss behing our handles
/* reputation? what is his hacking handle? firstname.lastname@example.org ? */
CM: uh huh…and what is the reputation behind yours? Is 'loop' your h/p
handle or just the one you use here?
/* loop…hmm…maybe he's just going around in circles! haha */
L: MMany have a few handles
CM: so, what is yours?
L: I told you, we have reps.!
CM: so what? how will telling me your handle ruin your rep?
L: If I was caught spilling?
CM: you're not spilling anything to anyone…
L: So, why else besidess a story, for youur own biis?
CM: of course
L: Why u want 2 knoww?
CM: plain old curiousity.,..
L: Curiosity killss
/* ooh! a philosopher too! */
CM: yeah, well, I have 9 lives
L: Whatt are you, a fucking cat?
L: crazy mfer
CM: and proud of it….so, are you going to answer me?
L: Try a null characteer
/* try a intelligent response */
CM: haha……what are you so hesitant about?
L: Thosse feds will kill ya
/* oh no. I'm a fed again. Kingpin, get over here! Time For Joe Fed! hah */
CM: hey, Jr, I'm not a fed
L: JR??????? NO WAY!
/* uh oh…an upset little kid..oh no */
CM: yeah, Jr.
L: OK, senior.
CM: ahh…a humorous hacker…how lovely….so, tell me more? I have some
things here and I don't know what they stand for......one of them is INC...and another is LOD...and RDT....what the hell are those?
/* I have a better chance at correct answers if I ask one of the wino's
L: Are you kidding??????
CM: No, I don't know what they stand for…
L: c= The C programming lingua
/* lingua? He must be Spanish…did I ask about C? */
L: lod=Legion of Doom L: RDT= You should know! /* which means you don't */
CM: No, I don't know…do you? And what is INC?
L: Ooh please!
CM: yeah? is?
L: Go buy a book
/* so you can borrow it right? */
CM: what book?
L: Something like the computer dictionary of terms
/* yeah..lesse…page 874…yup! INC. International Network Of Crackers.
Sure...uh huh... */
CM: why won't you just answer me?
L: It's a waste of time
/* I'd tell you but I forgot how to spell 'crackers' !! */
CM: but you answered LOD…
/* hell, my mother know what LOD stands for… */
L: Diddn't you know?????!!!
CM: NO!!!! why would I ask if I knew???
L: mmmmmm. I dunno. Theen whhhattt do you thinkk a null character is??!!
CM: a null character? an empty one?
CM: nevermind….what does INC stand for? and RDT?
L: JUST GT A BOOK AAND READ YOUR BRAINS OUT! /* or blow yours out */
CM: don't you know?
L: YEES! /* NOO! */
CM: then tell me!
CM: you don't know!
L: There aree 2 basiic meaningngs of both. I'll tell you first meaning
/* which is the only one my feeble brain knows */
CM: go for it
L: ininiinnc. is abb. for an incorperation, and the othther, rdt is a
terrrmmmm for reccceiving dataa trransmittion
/* this is classic….a stuttering typist… */
CM: yeah, but, what are the other meanings???
L: I can't say
CM: yes you can!
L: Let me cacall back foor a better line
CM: welp, I know you're probably not going to call back…ttyl! /* doubtful */
L: i will /* I hope not */
CM: ok /* go die */
/* Here we exited chat and I logged off. When I came back he was not there
but he left me email telling me how much of a loss it was of mine to have missed him. For some reason I don't think I really missed much */
Criminal Minded <tm>