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  "We're just the Wrecking Crew / Poor boys with nothing to do!"
                                                       - The Adolescents

  "History is made at night -- character is what you are in the dark."
                                                     - Lord John Whorfin

Hot summer nights are the same no matter where you live . . . there's nothing like a warm July evening to inspire a bunch of sex-starved adolescents to acts of Random Senseless Vandalism (RSV). Unfortunately, this time of year also tends to drain one's mind of all ideas that one might have for such activities. Fear not! Contained herein are myriad suggestions of how to spend a few early-morning hours enjoying yourself and annoying others. Call your frhends together and try a few out.

A night of RSV is usually divided into two modes. The first mode is Cruising – simply driving along major thoroughfares until an opportunity presents itself. Of course, you'll be keeping your eyes open for nubile members of the opposite sex, and your windows open (or better, your roof down) so the rest of the world can admire your taste in music and in clothing. On a well-balanced night of RSV, most of your time will be spent in this mode, so choose your music well. Here are a few tunes which I have found to be quite appropriate for tooling down the streets at 2 AM – ALWAYS use the 12" single versions.

Phil Collins: In The Air Tonight Harold Faltermeyer: Axel F. Dead Or Alive: Round Round Alphaville: Big In Japan Jean-Michel Jarre: Zoolook Burning Sensations: Pablo Picasso Duran Duran: View to a Kill Russ Ballard: Voices Cheap Trick: You Must Be Dreaming

  After you've been to two McDonald's and five Circle K's, and you've seen

enough pussy to keep you horny for over a year – so it's time to move out and start the second mode: Random Senseless Vandalism. The mood of the music goes over the edge, meaning, of course, Punk! Some sample tunes:

Sex Pistols: Anarchy in the U.K. Fear: Let's Have A War GBH: Do What You Do Adolescents: Wrecking Crew DEVO: Smart Patrol/Mr. DNA Black Flag: Police Story, T.V. Party Red Alert: In Britain Bad Religion: In The Night

But, as the question goes, what do you DO when you Do What You Do? Now that we've set up an appropriate musical mood, we can start in on the good stuff: dhe Random Senseless Vandalism itself.

You'll need a few tools. A sample list follows.

crowbar wire cutters flashlight w/red filter spray paint survival knife short (18") length of chain rocks (medium-large) caltrops (lots) toilet paper rope assorted fireworks BB or pellet gun/rifle water balloons

Crowbar: The ultimate multi-purpose vandalism tool. Can be used to shatter

   windows, break off doorknobs, and to pry open practically anything you
  like.

Wire Cutters: You never know when you might walk into a fence you don't happen to

   like, and some good wire cutters can alleviate the situation.  Make sure
   the fence isn't electrified before you try anything with it!  Barbed wire
   looks nice wrapped around the front end of a car, replacing its grille,
   or festooned along the walls of your room.  And a stretch of chainlink
   adds a nice touch to any bedroom decor.

Flashlight w/Red Filter: There is nothing more suspicious-looking than a

   bunch of guys out in a field with a flashlight, and the red filter will
   help alleviate observation problems.  Also, the red color allows you to
   retain your night vision while keeping your eyes on what you are doing.

Spray Paint: The possibilities are endless. Check out my file "Fun! with

   Spray Paint" for a few of them.

Survival Knife: This tool takes care of the stuff that the crowbar and the

   wire cutters aren't really designed for.  Try these: cutting down
   tire-and-rope swings in front yards, slashing banners, collecting flags
   (it's illegal to display them at night without proper illumination
   anyway), slicing seatbelts that assholes leave hanging out of their car
   doors.  Fucking with convertible tops is bad form, but tarps over boats
   or cars are great, especially if it's raining.

Short (18") Length of Chain: ake it sturdy, this one will be taking a lot of

   abuse.  Use it on car bodies and windows, or connect it to your rope to
   tow something large down the street a ways.  Be careful, though! 
   Remember what happened in Mad Max!

Rocks: Easy to find, easier to use. The windows of houses and moving are targets for rocks.

Caltrops: In case an irate smart-ass citizen decides to chase you. (Don't

   use 'em on cops unless you're SURE they didn't get a good look at your
   car!)  A caltrop is a piece of metal that, when you throw it onto the
   ground, always lands so that one point sticks up into the air where it
   can do major damage to tires and to feet wearing anything less than good
   work boots.  Sure, a board with nails in it will do the same thing, but
   caltrops are less noticable, and who the hell is dumb enough to drive
   over a random board in the middle of the street anyway?  The simplest
   reliable design is to take two nails, cut the heads off and sharpen both
   ends of each, bend them to an angle of about 135 degrees, and weld them
   together at the bend.  If you're serious about it, get together with a
   few of your friends and set up a mass-production line for a few hours the
   evening before you all go out, and make about 50 of them.  If you drop
   them on a road (handfuls of 6-8 work well), don't travel on that road for
   a while!  And of coursd, you can just dump them in the middle of a major
   intersection in the dead of night.  Or in a parking lot outside a movie
   theater just before the movie lets out.  Caltrops pack one hell of a
   wallop for their size.

Toilet Paper: No anarchy run is truly complete without toilet paper,

   especially if it looks like it's going to rain.  When toilet paper gets
   wet, you can forget about trying to clean it up, because you CAN'T.  If
   the weather is nice, why not consider looking for a garden hose to help
   the paper along?

Rope: You'll always be able to find a good use for rope. In fact, there's

   really no need to go out and *buy* rope; chances are you'll be able to
   find some on the way somewhere.  Flagpole rope is made amazingly strong
   since it has to stand up to years of the elements -- who wants to change
   the rope on a flagpole? -- so get that kind if you can.  It's easy to
   find on any school campus.  It's great fun to tie a sturdy slip knot on a
   flagpole rope, tie the loose end to the back of a pickup, then take off. 
   See what gives first, the pole or the back of the truck.  For that
   matter, the rear axle trick from American Graffiti is pretty amusing too,
   if your rope is strong enough.

Assorted Fireworks: Ah, yes, the Flames of the Gods. There's nothing like

   driving around town, lighting fireworks, and throwing them out the
   window.  Bottle Rockets are the most spectacular . . . they'll sit on the
   road until you're a few dozen yards away, then take off to God Knows
   Where.  Sometimes they'll fly down the street a ways, then hit a curb
   and arc off in the direction of someone's bedroom window.  (Of course,
   you're using the kind "with report" for maximum effect, aren't you?) 
   M-80's and their more powerful homemade cousins are wonderful for
   mailboxes, placing on car windshields, and just plain waking up everyone
   within a quarter mile.  Those "whistling cabins" are great for annoying
   dogs as well as people, and if you run across a car that someone forgot
   to lock, make sure the windows are rolled up and lob a few smoke bombs
   inside.  Kiss the interior of that vehicle GOODBYE.  If you have
   something a bit more powerful, like a CO2 cartridge filled with black
   powder, knock a hole in a cinderblock wall with a large rock and drop the
   pecker inside it.  The brick it gets stuck next to is history.  Looking
   to shatter windows?  Take one of those CO2 bombs with a long fuse and put
   it in the middle of a 32 oz. glass bottle full of gravel, pick a nice
   building with a lot of glass on it, drop and light the bomb, and LEAVE. 
   Wheee!  Shrapnel!  Who says the Neon Knights have all the fun?

BB or Pellet Gun/Rifle: For non-assholes only. Leave the small animals alone

   . . . save your ammo for the targets that deserve to be abused, things
   like people.  Air guns are at their best when you're in a moving car. 
   Pump up the air rifle and load a few BB's in, then buzz by the local car
   dealership and take out that nice big showroom window -- ftow!  Mr. Slick
   Sam, The Used Car Man, now has to unload an Eldie or two to pay for a new
   pane of glass.  And oh, how expensive that glass can be!  These are also
   great for vans with custom murals on the side.  You can elect to use low
   power and just deface the thing, or go all the way and punch a few holes.
   'Sup to you!  And do you know how much it costs to replace the body
   panels on a Corvette?  Yow!

Water Balloons: Yeah, plain water balloons really belong to the

   grade-schoolers and the fraternity types with balloon launchers, but how
   about putting about a tablespoon of Rit dye in the balloon before you
   fill it?  Looks really nice on stucco or on white cinderblock, where it
   gets a chance to soak in for a few hours.  Be imaginative, use a few
   balloons of different colors on a single target for some instant modern
   art.

Your Bare Hands: A vandal needs no tools to do his dirty work – his bare

   hands can do a great deal.  Try switching around a few realty signs. 
   Grab a trash bag that's waiting for the 6AM pickup as you drive by, then
   drag it alongside the car as you speed down the street.  When it breaks,
   someone will have a serious mess to deal with.  Or introduce that trash
   bag to the neighbor's pool.  Bananna peels and pool filters get along
   marvelously.  Got a road that's really just a loooooong hill?  Montgomery
   Blvd. in Albuquerque is a good example, with at lease five miles of long,
   straight, gentle gradient.  "Borrow" someone's spare tire and see how far
   down the hill it'll roll before it hits something (or someone!).  Or
   "borrow" several, have everyone bet on a tire, and hold a race.

   Well, people! Now you've got some ideas for your RSV runs!!

     Go for it!!

A "Nibble's Own" Text File -- (C)
August 2nd, 1985 by:

/\/\oo/\/\ Count Nibble /\/\oo/\/\

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